Minor manners question

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, my wife and I disagree on how to handle this.

I live in a large apartment building on the 18th floor. During peak times, elevators can be pretty slow.

I have a largeish, some say frightening looking muscular male boxer. He is also the friendliest dog (to people, the problems I’m having with other dogs recently will be the subject of another thread, I’m sure…) in the world. Strangers are just people who haven’t scratched his butt yet.

Apparently, my building has the largest concentration of dog phobic people in the world, and about a dozen people who live in my building will not get in the elevator with the dog.

My wife says that because the dog is a problem, I should have to wait for the next elevator. I say, the dog isn’t the problem, the inability for the dog and the person to coexist in the elevator is the problem, which is caused by the person; were they to get in the elevator, my dog would not care at all, and if being around dogs was such a problem, the person could have lived in a building which does not allow dogs, which are many if not most of the buildings in the area. My dog is well trained that his butt is to be on the floor at all times in an elevator, and the “sit” command isn’t even necessary.

I’ve tried to explain that he is very friendly, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Adding to the problem is that I use a face collar, which looks like, but IS NOT IN ANY WAY, a muzzle. In a few cases there is a language barrier as three of the people who in question are elderly Chinese women who speak little or no English, so I can’t explain this. In a few other cases, I’m pretty sure that there is some attention whoring going on as the demonstrativeness of the fear seems to increase with the number of people observing.

So, what say you? Do I have to wait for the next elevator or do they?

2

I say screw 'em. If your dog’s not a danger, then it’s entirely their problem.

3

You have an imposing-looking dog, especially for people who don’t know what a face-collar is. Boxers just look fierce and unfriendly. We had a boxer when I was a kid, and she was the sweetest, lovey-doviest, friendliest dog you’ll ever meet, and yet people were much more intimidated by her than any other dog we’ve had, including a St. Bernard, who benefited from his breed’s good reputation, of course, but was still a damn big animal, and a Irish-Setter/Golden cross who was abused as a puppy (not by us, obviously) and would snap at people, unprovoked.

The fact that your dog is a sweetie-wuggims is beside the point; they have to get to know him before they realize that, and if they’re waiting for the next elevator because they’re scared of him, they never will.

If someone shows a reluctance to get on to the elevator with your dog, I think it would be incredibly nice of you to wait for the next car, and you would quickly earn a reputation as an especially considerate neighbor. Whether you feel that that is sufficient compensation for your time is up to you.

4

I agree, and when I’m in no hurry, and know that the person is afraid, will wait. I’m more asking if I’m ethically obliged to do so, or am simply being a good guy for doing so.

5

I’m going to say that if you’re in the elevator already, they wait. Excercising free will has it’s pros and cons, having to wait for another car sounds like the con side of free will. I would get out if the other person had a special circumstance, like they were quite elderly or a parent overloaded with kids.

If you’d like to get in the car, but people already there seem frightened, I would wait. You don’t have to because they could choose to get out, but that doesn’t sound very nice. I also don’t believe it would be horrible for you to not get out for someone who was afraid if you had a special circumstance. Sometime a dog’s *gotta * go and people can just deal or get out.

You know, a dog wearing bunny ears is pretty unintimidating, so they might relax. Of course, the poor dog has to wear bunny ears. Never mind!

6

I think all of the above advice is good. I would add that the elderly Chinese ladies are probably actually scared and not just showing off, so I’d let them have the elevator unless I knew the dog was having an emergency and needed to get out of the building ASAP.

7

Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that they were being attention whores! I KNOW that their fear is genuine!

There is however one teenage girl who I am 100% certain is showing off for friends.

**Ashes, Ashes
**, that’s good advice, though now I’d have to keep all these rules in my head!

8

See, this was the only bad part of your advice, because I know my dog well enough to know that if I put bunny ears on them he would, within seconds, have gotten them off and into his mouth. Then, I would basically be walking a dog that looked like it just ate a bunny.

9

I maintain that if your dog is not actually going to maul anybody, you have as much right to be on the elevator as anyone else. Any concessions you make to people’s idiotic fears will only confirm for them that the dog is dangerous and should not be around people.

10

I certainly don’t think you’re obliged to. If the dog is under your control, you have as much a right to use the elevator as they do.

Just a thought, though: your behaviour reflects on your animal, as well as his on you. If your attitude is, “Screw 'em, they’re just attention whores, and I got a right to be here,” then to them, you’re just “that guy with the scary dog.” If you are kind enough to give up your place on the elevator, then they’ll think of you as a considerate pet owner, and that might even give them the (correct!) impression that you’re the sort who keeps a well-trained animal. Also, if they think of you as friendly, they’ll be more inclined to get to know you and your dog better. Some people will remain terrified of your dog, of course, no matter what you do, 'cause they’re just scared of dogs, but you and your sweet doggie might win over some folks who are on the borderline.

11

Second that.

12

This is Manhattan we’re talking about! I’m NEVER going to get to know my neighbors nomatter what. Been here more than a year and nobody ever says hello to each other.

13

I am very nervous around dogs myself, but if your dog is not dangerous or overtly threatening I don’t think my fear should force you to give up the elevator. Those people just need to learn how to deal with it. Even if you did have a muzzle on the dog, I would think that would be a sign that you have it under control, not that it was going to attack them.

14

If a dog is friendly, this fact is obvious to the observer. If you are explaining that your dog is friendly, then I have to assume that you’re explaining it for a reason, in the same sense that friends of some outrageous asshole are always saying that he’s really a nice guy.

So I would say that not telling everybody how nice the dog is would be your first step. If the dog sits at your feet and keeps mellow on the elevator, and you feel compelled to say something, maybe you should just say something like, “He only gets upset when you take food from his mouth.”

As for the dilemma, I agree with those who feel that dogs are a part of our society and that’s that. However, the suggestions to be magnanimous with those particularly afraid of the dogs would be a great thing to do.

15

I’m not sure that this is true.

I think people assume that he isn’t friendly because he looks like a dog that would be bred to fight while people bet on the outcome. And, I’ve seen quite a few dogs that look pretty friendly and when someone goes to pet them, the owner warns that they have a tendency to snap at fingers.

16

How about a compromise? If you are on the ground floor or going down to the ground floor from your place and one of the phobic people arrives to wait with you or is already in the elevator, you wait for the next one. If you are already on the elevator and it stops to allow someone to get on, you get to stay and the choice is theirs.

They have to make the first gesture, though, you don’t need to assume that everyone is going to be terrified of your fearsome dog. I walk along a route where I occasionally meet a man running with a golden retriever. The dog is completely unthreatening and has never made a move toward me or anyone else, but he always makes a wide, ostentatious detour out to the street or even stops completely a block away to let me pass. It’s really annoying.

17

Acknowledged. I am merely giving my perspective as a potential elevator mate. When someone says “my dog is really friendly,” I think, “yeah, right.” But if someone says, “just don’t take his bowl away from him,” I see someone who knows that dogs are dogs and is making a believable statement about his dog. The latter statement tells me that you have no illusions about your dog: he’s a dangerous animal under the wrong circumstances.

18

I won’t contribute, since anything I would have said has already been said. I do need to protest at the “idiotic fears” comment, though…dogs can be scary. With all the news reports of supposedly former nice dogs just ripping toddler’s faces off, I don’t think it’s idiotic to be afraid of a big dog with a muzzle-looking-thing on his face at all, especially in an enclosed area like an elevator where you can’t even run.

19

Personally, I think that as long as you have total control of the dog (short lead, dog at your side) you should get on or off the elevator as you would if you were carrying a briefcase. If you do not have complete control of the dog, then you should take the stairs.

20

What floor are you on? Is it feasible to take the stairs instead of the elevator, circumventing the whole problem? That would also have the added benefit of giving you & the dog a little more exercise, which should make the dog happy.