I recently wrote this email to a friend, and was wondering about y’all’s take on it…
So, I’ve been wondering lately: Is there something wrong with me?
It all started over Easter Weekend. I went home that weekend (something I never did during my first run up here at State). During this time, the discovery of Laci Peterson’s body and the subsequent arrest of Scott Peterson took place (assuming you know the details of this I’ll omit them - they’re really not that relevant any way). At some point during this time at home, foxnews showed a vigil and memorial display built for Laci by people who do not know her, the family, or any one connected with this event. Let me repeat that, these people were publicly mourning someone they have no relationship to in any way.
I viewed this coverage and felt only one thing, curiosity. Why would these people take such time and effort for this? Why do they care about Laci Peterson’s death? I relayed these ruminations to my mom, who happened to be home at the time (the only reason that I would even bother to share them - the event was so unimportant to me that I would soon forget about it). I also added that I felt nothing about this death - no emotions at all. No sympathy, sadness, anger (at her killer), despair, pity, nothing. She looked at me like I was the anti-Christ or something.
So, what should I feel? I do not know this woman. I do not know the family. I have no relationship in any way with her or anyone who does have a relationship with her (using relationship in the loosest possible manner - to capture the greatest number of possibilities). I can truly say I felt more emotion when our last dog died (and I laugh at people who cry about that sort of stuff). Hell, I felt more emotion when the Flyers won the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs this year (go ahead call me a bastard). I just can’t care about this woman dying - like her death is any more important than any of the other hundreds of murders that day.
On another note, there was the most recent school shooting in PA this week. I heard about this first when one of my classmates was talking to her friend saying that the shooter was her roommates brother - who was feeling suicidal. Even as she was talking about this within earshot, all I could think was “Great, another whacko steals a gun and shoots up a school. Wonder how long it’ll take Sarah Brady to grab hold of this one?”
Does this make me a bastard? I just don’t care about humanity in general anymore. I was thinking about this during my classes today and a thought popped into my head that all these people sitting in the room with me could drop dead in an instant and I really wouldn’t care. It’s not like I plan to kill them, or would even really consider it, or would even wish it. I just wouldn’t care if it happened.
For some reason I’ve heard the word misanthrope and it’s derivatives quite a lot recently. That may have something to do with it (being a misanthrope, not hearing the word), but I don’t think it fully explains my feelings (or lack thereof). Anyway, just some food for thought.
