Ahhhh…this brings back so MANY memories…here’s just a VERY small sampling…a slide show of my wild, nefarious youth…
(1) Playing “bumblebee” in kindergarten recess. This meant running around, flapping my arms as “wings” and buzzing – then “stinging” random schoolmates with my nice, sharp pencil. Hee hee.
(2) Playing “shark” in the town swimming pool when I learned to swim underwater with my eyes open. This consisted of swimming underwater and scratching adults on the legs, then swimming away as fast as possible. Only got caught once, and that after weeks of fun, seeing how many OTHER little kids were also in that pool (I was 6 or 7).
(3) Walking by a station wagon with the back window open and seeing two large plates of glass inside, then noticing a pile of canine feces on the ground…pick up feces, hold up one plate of glass and deposit feces on bottom plate, lay the top plate back down, then walk away. It was a really hot day, too, heh heh heh. (I was 12 when I did this).
(4) Repeatedly kicking the plug for the audio-visual projector out from the wall during 7th grade Latin class: I’d let the teacher set up the transparency, start lecturing, then out would come the plug. She’d go nuts trying to figure out the problem. Alas, I was finally caught. Doing this was the only detention I got in junior high, despite the following mischief I made in the same school:
(5) Writing filthy, obscene “love letters” addressed to one teacher “from” another. It was worse than porn, as I included not just “regular” sexual acts in graphic detail, but bestiality, incest, coprophilia, and the works. I’d type them in secret on my uncle’s typewriter and my best friend would quietly deposit them on the intended target’s desk. The targets were actually her teachers, so she could go in and observe the reactions. Hee hee. Both of us got away with this, and the related:
(6) One of the stairwells was painted. It had been closed off while the painters were working and the paint drying, but the day they reopened it, we were there with our magic markers and spray paint during lunch when no one else was there. The walls of that stairwell were quickly covered with such things as “Mrs. Smith sucks Mr. Jones’s dog’s cock,” so on and so forth. The next day in homeroom there was actually an announcement about it. Don’t ask how I managed, but I kept a straight face.
(7) Moving on up to 8th grade now, there was this hallway/corridor everyone had to pass to get to or from the cafeteria. There was a small flight of stairs at the end, and a great hiding place by the side near the stairs. I brought a raw egg in to school, and after lunch (I ate quick and sneaked out of the cafeteria) on the way back I snuck into the hiding place. When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, I waited until there were a ton of kids passing that way, and I threw the raw egg up hard on to the ceiling. It broke of course, and splattered its gooey, slimy insides all over people. Then I sneaked out from my place of ambush and got out with the rest of the crowd.
(8) Making my 9th grade math teacher a ketchup and tampon sandwich: although it was math class, he taught it in a science classroom with lab benches and a refrigerator in which he would keep his lunch – I just had to switch lunches on him as “revenge” for sending me to the vice principal’s office when he SHOULD have sent the jerk boys who started the whole thing. >;-)
(9) Getting on a bus to the mall with bubble-blower (bottle and circular blow thingie, the little-kid’s toy) in my purse. Acting normal (I was 17) until the bus began to move, then blowing bubbles on the bus as if this was the kind of thing people just did every day.
A whole mess of other stuff in high school, one of which got me my one and only suspension, the other of which had a teacher carrying me out of the classroom over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes, to which I reacted by screaming “RAPE! RAPE!” at the top of my lungs.
(10) I concluded my schoolgirl “mischief career” by spending my last semester pretending to be a lesbian in order to get revenge on this other girl who had been tormenting me for no reason. I used a number of subtle and not-so-subtle tactics to “convince” her that I was “interested in” her (I was NEVER interested in ANY female that way, but in this case I had to do what I had to do), all of which scared the shit out of her. Mission accomplished. Note: when she finally reported me to the House Director (my high school’s equivalent of a vice principal), my House Director read to me her written complaint, which was true except for one thing – she’d said I’d French-kissed her – my response was, “French-kissed her? Are you kidding? She should BE so lucky!” But it was the day before the last day of school, I was a senior with enough credits to graduate, and I’m sure after my nefarious activities there they just wanted to be rid of me already, so I went unpunished for my evil deed. >:-)
Of course, there’s plenty more where that came from, but a post can only be so long, right?
MYUUUUHAHAHAHA!!! >;-)
