I suffer from misophonia. If you are unfamiliar, it has only really recently been given much attention in public academic circles. It means “hatred of sound,” and when I say I suffer from it, that is the only correct term. If something like, say, someone popping their gum bothers you, please know that it makes me rage. In a real way. I will throw shit at you, and I am a grown adult.
It does this because…“they” really don’t know why. Something about igniting the Fight or Flight response.
As I sit here, a young lady who is washing the dishes in the restaurant I am in is incessantly popping/cracking her gum. It has been my experience that, if I try to politely request that someone cease this behavior, I am met with WAY more of it, along with a rejoinder such as, “Does THIS bother you? Ho ho, haha…”
So, my question is… Does anyone know of any effective coping mechanisms? As far as I can tell, there’s not a whole lot. I know avoidance is great. I do not go to the movies or out in public a whole lot. Once, I left a full cart of groceries (Not my proudest moment…) in a Walmart because I was trapped between a gum-snapper and a coupon-arguer.
This. My wife sometimes snores and it wakes me up. I put in my earplugs, and I’m back asleep within 2 minutes. Never fails. I also have some new Apple AirPods Pro, and they have a sound-canceling feature that blocks out nearly all external sounds. You wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with someone, but if you were alone, it would block out the kinds of sounds that bother you.
I’ve never heard of misophonia. But it sounds like (pardon the pun) that it’s when certain sounds cause a strong emotional response.
For me, the older I get, the more that random noise drives me up the wall for some reason. The hallway outside my office gets really loud sometimes, and I’ll pop in a pair of earplugs when I can’t focus on what I’m doing. When I sleep I must wear earplugs because my wife is a very loud snorer. A couple nights ago I was sitting at the kitchen table and doing some calculations. When my wife does anything in the kitchen, she is very, very loud… she slams everything for some reason. So I had to pop in some earplugs.
The only coping mechanism I can think of is avoidance. Either earplugs or get up and walk away until the noise stops. If you are really worried about hurting someone, you should seek professional help.
For me it’s the clinking noises of knives, forks, and spoons on plates and bowls. In an otherwise quiet situation these sounds actually make me angry. Knowing it’s Misophonia, and irrational as hell, makes no difference.
Only from my GP, and although I adore that guy, he was really pretty clueless. I’ve considered therapy, but don’t really have the time, as my job has me out of town A LOT.
I’m hoping for some others who might have experience. I know it’s rare, but you never know. I’ve largely found this board to be very helpful in these instances.
Fair enough. We tend to be very literal minded in Factual Questions so exaggeration for effect (without suitable warning) will often work out counterproductively.
AFAICT, there are two elements to this: the noise source and your psychological response. The only change you can make in the former is avoidance. The latter is a matter of your ability to change yourself to diminsh the emotional impact of the unavoided triggers. Which seems to be unlikely as a solo effort of self-directed change, I would guess… hence the suggestions about professional assistance, practical or not given your circumstances.
Does anyone see any elements to this that I’ve overlooked?
I have what may or may not be misophonia. It’s an inability to tune out certain sounds. If I can hear them, I focus on them. Usually, this only causes problems when I’m in public with (1) background music and (2) competing electronic background sound, such as a TV or someone watching a video or a child’s video game. Very, very loud sounds bother me, too.
From my observations, most people either dislike these things, but can handle them, or else they are neutral. Similar to the OP, I’ve found there is no way, no matter how polite or self-deprecating, of asking people to stop the offending noise. It just makes them angry. So I pretty much always carry earphones and noise-cancelling headphones to restaurants and cafés when I’m alone, and avoid the sounds when I can. Sometimes I’m out with other people and I’m trapped, and it’s really, really tough.
The issue doesn’t seem to be psychological: specific noises that I hate are easy enough to look away from and tune out. I frequent a café with a Lonely Old Man who holds court for his buddies and orates. I loathe this man: he likes to choose the dead centre of the place, and blathers on about nothing using his outdoor-in-a-gale voice to anyone who he can trap. He annoys me so much that it’s harder to tune him out, but if I have earplugs, headphones, and can’t see him, I can let him live.
On the other hand, I have no conceptual problem with someone watching youtube while the radio is playing, but I can’t handle it. Even one person watching a video with no background noise is difficult to tune out, and I certainly can’t read while others are enjoying their electronic entertainment, even at home. This makes me more difficult to live with, and I hate it.
You could try some noise cancelling headphones, like these:
If you’ve never tried them, they work amazingly well. Almost seems like magic. You can be in a busy location and it sounds like you’re in your quiet living room. Stores like BestBuy often have some out that you can try. If you go this route, don’t get cheapo headphones. The sound cancelling is done with electronics. The better the headphones, the better the noise cancelling will be. The ones with the earmuff design will do a better job than ear buds.
Thank you for the suggestion, and I do use something like those on long flights (Where people seem to think Loud Gum is Absolutely Necessary…) but in a restaurant, or in a grocery store, I am relegated to being stigmatized even further by my inability to communicate.
I am definitely ready to try therapy. If anyone has any other options or tricks they have learned, I would very much appreciate the input.
Dr. Drake, I’ve heard it described like this: To you, (normal people) it sounds like background noise. To me, it sounds like a Van Halen concert.
This is the truest statement ever about how misophonia works.
And this is what I struggle to communicate, particularly when people are making “the noise” that is causing my brain to go screwy. Add in the fact that 45 years of experience has taught me that I will instantly be ridiculed, and see Exhibit A, the abandoned basket of groceries…
Some headphones have the ability to switch modes where they let in some outside sounds. It may be called something like transparency or aware mode. This will allow more of the external sounds through. If your headphones offer this ability, you could switch to that mode when interacting with people and then switch back to full cancellation mode when you want maximum silence.
I am in exactly the same situation as yourself and I have been completely unable to find any way to remediate the condition.
What has worked for me, however, is a pair of bone conduction headphones. They are comfortable, unobtrusive, and capable of covering most background noise while not interfering with conversations.
They’re so comfortable I’ve even woken up with them on in the morning because I forgot I was wearing them.
A little pricey, but well worth the investment to eliminate the urge to stomp on someone’s eyelids.