I am happy to announce that I can now join the ranks of the self diagnosed “I have a cool new disease” club. Yes, that’s right. I’ll see your Asperger’s and raise you a Misophonia.
Do you suffer from “stress” when your husband drums his fingers on the table?
You may have Misophonia!
Do your wife’s hiccups cause you anxiety?
You may have Misophonia!
When a gangsta rapper repeatedly asks “y’ know whut um sayin’?” do you want to beat him to a pulp?
You may have Misophonia!
It's time for us Misophoniacs to stand up and demand our rights!
1. We demand that all ticking clocks be outlawed because it makes us nervous.
2. We want reserved parking close to the entrance of stores because the repetetive tapping of our shoes on the pavement causes anxiety.
3. The words Hi Opal will henceforth become a felony.
4. Songs that repeat the word "love" more than three times in a row shall be banned from the airwaves.
5. Anyone attempting to open a cellophane bag in a movie theater will be charged with a crime against humanity.
6. The murder of anyone who whistles, hums, or sings off key will be a misdemeanor.
Fellow Misophobiacs unite! Join me in demanding our rights as a handicapped minority! (But no chanting please. It makes me stabby).