Misquote a famous line

'Twas the knight before Christmas, and all through the domicile,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a momicile.

veni, vidi, ¡gooooool! (I came, I saw, I scored) - Diego Armando Maradona

veni, vidi, oops - hope the ref didn’t see that, ¡gooooool! (I came, I saw, I cheated, I scored) - Diego Maradona

Even though this is from Bill Cosby, I’m going to quote it, because it still makes me laugh.

"Away to the window I flew like a flash
"Tore open the shutters
“And threw up–”

With Christmas soon upon us, I offer this gem —

“Chestnuts roasting in the microwave, Jack Frost nipping at our necks.
Yuletide carols being played by a choir On their portable tape decks.”


I have to add my mother’s version…

"Children roasting on an open fire
“Jack Frost nipping at their toes…”

Mother was an odd duck.

or “Chester’s nuts”

I’m dancing with tears in my eyes, 'cause the girl in my arms is a boy.


Me at work, when a rival department (a geeky Finance rivalry), invited us over for some coffee and delicious desserts: “With enemies like these, who needs friends?” One of my greatest, and I think I got one short “ha ha”. Wasted brilliance.

“I got things to do, places to go, and people to be!”

And then there’s the classics:

To be is to do. Socrates
To do is to be. Sarte
Do be do be do. Sinatra

F=ma Newton
F - ma = 0 L’Hopital
Well shut ma mouth. Foghorn Leghorn

It is better to have lost your gloves than to never had gloves at all.

Please be generous, I misquoted on purpose. The original and real quotation was from Messi Pelé, but that would have taken the fun out of it, would it not?

what did the Romans say after the orgy?

Vidi Vici Veni

I saw! I conquered! I came!

Or, as my brother says while gesturing towards his wife,
Some are born O’Boogies, some have it thrust into them.

“I have a dream, that my four little children will make millions of dollars while working for their daddy in the White House, being judged by the slickness of his pitches! I have a dream today!” --Emperor Orange Julius I.