Misread signs, labels, etc.

I passed a row of flavored bottled water in a convenience store today. It’s called “Infused Water” but for a split second I thought I read “Confused Water”…

…Which reminded me of another time I was on a bus, and I wasn’t wearing my glasses. We passed a shop called “Mike’s Tool and Die”, but I was positive that it said “Mike Should Die”. I had to do a double take.

Then, about a month ago I was at the dentist (again sans glasses), sitting in the examining room chair. On the wall facing me was a magazine rack. There was a Maclean’s issue sitting there with the large title, “Is Canada Ready for Loudmouth” with a photo of a yelling guy under it. I thought, “Gee, I bet that guy doesn’t appreciate being called that too much”…and then I saw the word “TV” underneath. Is Canada Ready for Loudmouth TV. Duh me.

What are some things you’ve misread?

A post here in MPSIMS. I originally read it as: Mouse in Sweden are called Elk. And that was with my glasses.

I once almost ran off the road because there was a big vinyl banner in front of a church out in the country here that said something like “… and with his stripes are we healed” and I was entirely sure it had said “strippers” instead of “stripes”.

At work, we have one of those huge Kodak printer/copier/fax MULTI-function machines.

I had to call in a problems for it, and was reading all the serial numbers, etc., off the little sheet we keep handy for that kind of thing, and as I was rattling off all the details, proceeded to read it as MAL-function.

There’s a sign in downtown Saratoga Springs that says ATM with a finger pointing in the direction of the ATM and a triangle at the end. I always read it as EAT ME.

I was playing some RPG when the character said “In the time of the Gods, when Helm marched before the mortals”. I could have sworn it said, “In the time of the Gods, when Helm marched before the nostrils.” I was imagining giant nostrils, parading in front of Helm. And yes, I was wearing my contacts as well.

I was in the baking-supplies aisle of a grocery store helping a friend with her shopping, and saw some boxes labeled:


I stood there for a couple of minutes gazing at them in utter bafflement, wondering what on earth cornbread mix had to do with Indian music.

My friend eventually clued me in that you were supposed to read it as a single word, and pointed out the Raggedy-Ann type of image the company used in its branding.

There was a place called “flick palace” that I used to drive by sometimes. The font made the “l” in flick a bit short with a little curve at the bottom and from far away I swear to god it looked just like “fuck palace.” I always wanted to go in there…:slight_smile:

I used to live near a bank that had a large, illuminated sign that said “24-hour banking.” During the entire time I lived there, the right side of the first “n” was burned out, so at night it looked like “24-hour barking.”

“Loosest Progressive Sluts”
Well, it was nevada, and I knew that prostitution was legal in many areas there, but I couldn’t figure out what a progressive slut was, nor why one would want the loosest progressive ones…

After mrAru stopped laughing, he gently explained I was VERY tired and it was slOts not slUts…and loose slot machines mean they pay out prizes faster :smack:

One of the stickies in Great Debates says “Pleaae use descriptive titles” which I read as “please use deceptive titles” the first time I saw it.

Our hospital cafeteria started a soup bar. Above it is a big sign saying “Today’s sinners”. It’s in a weird font that makes the “m” look like an “n”.

I thought that a sign in front of a garden center read


I spent a couple of seconds wondering what you could grow with Fireseed and what Birdwood was until I realized it actually said

Bird seed

I liked it better the other way.

My all time favourite, though, was a sign on the inside of a restroom door that said

Please check your personalities before leaving

No, really!

Oh, ok. It really said “Please check your personal items before leaving”. Spoilsports.

I always read any sign on a truck for Shopfitters as Shoplifters. And here in Sydney most large vehicles have a sign that says:

Do not

which I invariably read as Do not overtake overturning vehicle, which I always thought was sound advice.

You know those Markers that kids like where if you color the whole page one color and then draw over it with a different marker the color goes away. They are called “Magic Pens” and they sell them at the mall and I thought it said Magic Penis.

This one might not count because whoever makes this obviously wants you to misread it. A sign in the mall says FCUK.

“Disable similies in text” WTF? Oh, smilies!

The last time my parents and I visited my grandmother,Dad asked her to think about where we could take her for dinner the night we got there. She mentioned this great new restaurant she hadn’t been to yet called “Shoney’s”
She thought it was a little expensive according to her neighbors but very good. We were willing to eat anywhere it suited her, but were suprised that she was so enthusiastic about a chain restaurant of a type we would not have planned to take her to. (We also were a little disappointed- we’d have preferred arrangments to eat seafood, she lives in Maryland by the shore).

When we got there, we picked her up and drove to the restaurant. The name on the sign was “Stoney’s”. It is a seafood restaurant, with a few stores, but not a big chain like Shoney’s. Everyone was happy.

There was a barbershop in E Lansing that had a very large sign painted on the side of a nearby building that simply had the name of the shop-- “Public Hair”

The best one of mine was years ago, but I cannot forget it.

My wife and I were coming home from a vacation driving through Wisconsin. The billboard at the side of the road read ‘Erotic dancers’ and live music. I made a comment that it might be nice to go and see the erotic dancers.

My wife said ‘It doesn’t say that’. I looked again and the sign changed to ‘Exotic dancers’. I said 'Oh, I guess exotic dancers is at least a little better to put on a billboard.

By this time we had passed the billboard and my wife again ‘That is not what it says!’. So I turn around drive back up the highway turn around again.
Now it says ‘Exotic Dinners’. It was a billboard for supper club.

I laughed then and I still laugh about it.

I recently saw a removals truck. Painted on the back was a long spiel saying how they were fully insured , been established for 30 years etc. It also said uniformed staff . I misread that as uninformed staff :smack: