Mission Impossible: Sex and Rue DeDay

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

There’s a back story to this, but you really don’t care do you? I can already hear you… “Get to the sex part already!” Some people just got no patience.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to use both “Rue DeDay” and “sex” in the same sentence. “Wow” I hear, “you don’t see that every day. Sex and Rue, huh.” And thus this thread. (But you can see it everyday if you peruse deepbluesea’s profile, but that’s just a coincedence.)

Except for Jester. You can’t get by with just a simple sentence. Nope. You have to post three Raymond Chandler-esque paragraphs. Because you do it so well, and I enjoy it.

And a craft project
You can now collect the posts of Rue DeDay and construct you very own Rue DeDay Post-A-Day Callendar! Surprisingly there are that many. Enjoy!
-Rue.

2

Rue DeDay would like to be having sex right now instead of just posting about it, but noooo… it is not to be. Not today.

Alas, poor Rue.

3

Good use of “alas”. Thanks.
-Rue.

4

Maybe this will tide you over until Jester steps up…
After twelve years as a detective, I didn’t think anything could surprise me. But that was before I met my newest client.

 It was one of those hot days that always made me wish air conditioning had already been invented. I heard the outer door to my office open and then high heels on the linoleum. I tried to remember if my receptionist was on duty, she'd cut back to thirty hours a week when I stopped paying her. Then the inner door opened and she walked in. She was the kind of woman who could never be mistaken for anything else, even by a deaf guy in a dark room. She had legs that went from here to there and back again, and her hair was pulled back on one side like she dried it by riding a motorcycle in circles. My glasses started fogging up, even though they were in my desk drawer at the time.

 She got right down to business, told me she'd pay me fifteen-thousand clams to find out what the capital of Illinois was. Of course I was suspicious. I've been in this business for twelve years and three minutes now and I can tell when a job is gonna get dangerous. And I can tell when a client is lying to me. Dames in detective offices and honesty go together like Rue DeDay and sex.
5

Tired of your deadend job? Want an exciting future? Need more lovin? Sure, we all do! The Rue DeDay Professional Sex Education Institute will provide you with everything you need to start living the high paid glamourous life of a professional escort! Call today! Operators are standing by!

[sub]Not affiliated with Devry. No gaurantee of employment upon graduation. Pimp fees extra. Not valid most everywhere.[/sub]

6

From the title of this thread, I am lead to believe that Rue DeDay really needs to have some sex.

bwk
(who doesn’t know the back story)

7

I’ll forever rue the day I decided not to have hot monkey sex with Rue DeDay.

8

I don’t have anything to add to this thread. Sorry Rue. However, I do have to say that Robot Arm made me laugh and I almost squirted soda out my nose. Almost. Thank goodness.

9

The chicks dig me. What more could I ask?

Carina, my sweet Carina, I have but one regret in life, and that would be the monkey sex thing.

Grace, repeat after me: “I can’t think of a single thing that puts Rue and sex together.”
-Rue.

10

Well, my therapist tells me that encouraging you would be bad for the both of us, Rue. So I’m not going to play your silly OP game. I’m simply going to quote the relevant portion of my most recent therapy session, and hope you will seek help before it’s too late.

“Doctor, I’m concerned about a friend of mine.”

“Mmmm-hmmm. And what problem is this ‘friend’ having?”

“No, really, doctor, this isn’t about me. It’s about - well, I dunno. Not really a friend. Just some guy I vaguely know under an assumed name; we run into each other sometimes in anonymous places. You know.”

“And how long have you been frequenting bathhouses?”

“It isn’t like that! And if it was, this is a guy we’re talking about here - hardly my type. No, no, I’m using my therapeutic hour on him for purely altrustic reasons: I’m concerned.”

“Mmmm-hmmm. You’re concerned for your - uh, nebulous acquaintance?”

“That’s it! That’s it exactly! He’s a nebulous acquaintance! Anyway, he clearly has a, um, a sexual problem.”

“I see. And we’re still talking about your friend here?”

“Yes. My sex problems are entirely different. See, my nebulous acquaintance, he has kids. Young kids. So obviously he’s celibate, right? And he’s clearly feeling the strain; these days he can’t even spell or type properly. And any little mention of sex - just the word! - gets him all excited. You might even say he’s obsessed; he’s started whole conversations just to hear people use his name and the word ‘sex’ together. And add to that all this time he spends in this, um, anonymous place, hanging out with women, using fake names…well, I’m worried about him, doctor.”

“I’m hearing that you’re very concerned for this person. I’m glad you’re concerned; this shows that you’re really working through your selfishness and egocentrism issues. But, my dear deepbluesea, let us consider: your so-called ‘friend’ is a family man, yet he lives a life of deceit, lies, and sexual obsession. Also, he consorts with women of loose morals. Can this man really be a worthwhile subject of your concern?”

“But he seems nice! Truly, deep down, he does! And I worry for his dogs - what about his dogs? It can’t be healthy for them, having a wacked-out master like this.”

“Now, now. Concern for our canine cousins is comendable. But I tell you this from the depths of my years of counseling experience: deepbluesea, if you do not steer clear of this sex-obsessed, sick individual, you will rue the day you met him.”

So, sorry, Rue; I can’t participate in this. It’ll only do more harm. Anyway, the game’s just impossible - there’s just something profoundly contradictory about using ‘Rue DeDay’ and ‘sex’ in the same sentence.

[sub]Wait…I just did. Never mind.[/sub]

11

It was ten o’clock. The rain outside had already flooded the gutters in the street, so that the highway looked more like a river than a road. The headlights of passing cars swept through the window of the motel room, briefly illuminating the dim room. The paper thin walls of the building let me know that somebody in the next room was listening to the radio. I didn’t have time to put too much thought into it, though. I had other things on my mind.
“Let’s try this again, Rue,” I said smoothly. “From the top.”
“I told ya, Mason, I don’t know nuthin!”
Rue Deday sat on the corner of the bed, his clothes rumpled and messy from the car ride he had spent in the trunk of my car. His lip was split from the punch it had taken to get him into the trunk, and blood dribbled down his chin onto his tie. He was a sad sight, but I wasn’t concerned with appearences. This guy held the key to breaking the biggest prostitution ring in my city, and whether he looked like a drowned rat or not wasn’t my problem.
“C’mon, Rue,” I said. “You obviously know something, or else I wouldn’t have these pictures of you and Ms…Ranger, is it?”
“You leave Arden out of this!” He croaked. “She’s just a friend! She’s got no stake in all of this?”
“All of what?” I asked, interested.
“Go to Hell, Mason” he spat.
He was being difficult. I hated that. To let him know, I gave him a fist in the gut.
“Listen, Rue, you know something that I need to know. I’m not concerned with your little girlfriend, or how much you pay her. I know she’s tied up in what’s going on here, but I’m willing to let her go if you give me what I want.”
His eyes told me that I’d struck gold. It seems that this little two-timing punk had a heart after all.
“Alright, Mason, you’ll get your damn info.”
“Wonderful. Now, I think you know what I’m going to ask for.”
He looked at the ground and mumbled a name. “Robot Arm.”
Robot Arm. The name was practically synonymous with sleaze. I knew that he’d been in the counterfeiting business for a while, but prostitution? It didn’t seem like his style.
“You sure?” I asked Rue.
“Sure as the day is long, Mason” he said forlornly.
“Alright, you can leave. Go crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of.”
“And the dame?”
“I won’t involve her,” I said. “Your little lovebird is safe. But you might want to ask her about finding a new profession.”
Without another word, he got up, opened the door and scurried out into the rain. I walked outside to my car and climbed in. “Do we have a name?” Odie asked from behind the wheel.
“Absolutely,” I said. “A mister Robot Arm. And I think I know where to find him.”
“Great,” Odie said as we pulled out. “But, Rick, I gotta ask. How’d you know that that little punk would have the info?”
“You saw him, Odie,” I said. “If there’s anyone in this city who has to pay for sex, it’s Rue DeDay.”
“Very true,” he laughed. “Now let’s role.”

Well, there you have it. A bit more than three 'graphs, but what can I say, I got carried away. And apologies to all names mentioned, I just looked through the thread for names to use, and I hope it’s all taken with a grain of salt.
Except the part about Rue not being able to get sex. That seems true enough. :smiley:

-Walt

12

Pictures? There’s PICTURES!?

Where the hell are my copies?

[sub]Damn, Jester. You owe me a monitor clean up[/sub]

13

Arden, I’m shocked! You youself ASK me to videotape your little “adventures,” and then lose the copies I make for you? Honestly. And no, don’t expect me to give you MY copies just because you can’t find YOURS. I like them. They’re…purty.:smiley:

And sorry bout your moniter, but I’m flattered.

14

Was that you?

:smiley:

15

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am…The Nebulous Acquaintance!

It makes me sound like some B grade superhero. But I’ll take it. Love ya, deepbluesea.

And let’s hear it for Jester! A kid with remarkable talent, just leave the garage door up. (Ah, what the heck, I will post the link.)
-Rue.

16

Yeah, reeeeeeeeeeeeal funny, Rue. But hey, I don’t recall this being a thread about MY shortcomings. No, I seem to remember something about you not being able to get laid. Heh heh. THAT’LL show you.

(And Arden, I realize that the mask may have confused you, but you said you liked that kind of stuff, so I was more than happy to oblige. By the way, you left your riding chaps at my house.)

17

Ah, so that’s where they are!

Well, it just gives me a reason to come back later. :wink:

18

Hot damn, a new sig! Thanks, Jester.