Okay, Lobsang - I’m going to try to help. I have been in a place very similar to where you are and I got out. I’m going to suggest that you do some things similar to what worked for me.
No you can’t. In fact, neither religion nor psychology is going to be of much use to you. They’re both based on taking the word of people who know more about you than you do, and you’re never going to believe that they do. And you’re right. So don’t waste any time there. You’re going to have to get out of this on your own. The good news is that you can. Stand by.
Small and largely irrelevant quibble here: the release of desire is **not ** the goal of Buddhism, it is only a natural consequence of understanding your place in the universe, which the Buddha sought to teach. So don’t worry about it.
Great! You’re doing fine.
Again, distraction is not what you need and you recognize that, so that’s great! That lack of enthusiasm is a symptom and therefore beneficial. It’s telling you that you are engaged in irrelevance, so that’s good!
Also good - chemical desensitisation is the worst thing you could do right now. Whether it comes from a bartender or a pharmacist, it’s putting a Band-Aid on a fever.
That’s a fact, but it’s not as far away as you think.
**Forget them. ** Put them right out of your mind. Getting an SO, finding your Right Livelihood, real laughter, intimacy, love…forget them for now. Why? I’m glad you asked. Because they’re all results of getting yourself straight. Get yourself straight and they stumble over themselves in their haste to get into your life. ** *But here’s the important point: * ** they are not goals, they are results. Pursue them as goals and you will chase them forever and only get yourself out of breath.
So what do you do?
Get outside. Take a walk. I’m serious. I can give you a lot of psychobabble horseproduct, but the only ideas that are going to stick are the ones you come up with yourself, and you need to be outside walking to do that. There are good physiological reasons for this too, if you like: walking stimulates spinal circulation, feeds the brain…in short there are no depressed people who exercise. But no jogging, please. A large part of your problem is that you’re surrounded by irrelevance, and running is not what you need. On a basic human (relevant) level we run to get away from something, or we run to catch it. You are engaged in neither. Walking allows you to be someplace that is changing, providing vital stimulus, and doesn’t reinforce your feeling that you are engaged in pursuit or flight.
Much of what I see in common with your problems is that you are surrounded by irrelevance. We all are, unless we provide that relevance. My pal Joe Campbell said “There is no meaning to life. We bring meaning to it.” Smart guy.
You have to find that meaning - no, you have to create it. You can do that off by yourself, walking, in the natural world (forests are easier than cities for this). I’m not going to give you any religious stuff here: I’m a Classical Pantheist myself - I hold that the natural, scientifically-observable forces are in fact sacred - but that’s just me.
Religion won’t work because there’s a lot in there that you just don’t feel is true. Here’s something that is - something to think about while you’re out on your walks: every thing you do turns you into the person who did that thing. Doesn’t sound like much, does it? Roll it around for a while. Ask yourself questions. The answers will bubble up eventually.
And let me be the first to congratulate you!
I couldn’t figure out what the title meant. I was just thinking it was a pretty circuitous route.