I don’t know, but it’s just that the religion when I read it and the text and articles based on it just feels like a chain around my being.
Too much of it I don’t understand: no self, the material world is an illusion, emptiness, no reference point being truly alone. All it does is just make my head hurt. I know that there is a tendency to not always be literal in it, but that just makes it worse.
Coupled with the thought or belief I have that Buddhism is the “right” answer and anything else is wrong and therefor if I do anything against what it says then I’m wrong and inferior and choose suffering and lies.
It makes me feel guilty for alot of things, mostly just living life. So it’s like every thing I do in my life is against what it teaches. I’m not following out of genuine interest either, I’m just terrified of being wrong and living a lie.
“The word that we translate as perfection, paramita, means to go beyond. The sixth paramita, the Paramita of Wisdom, which is said to pervade the other five, specifically means the wisdom that understands the emptiness of all dharmas—that this materialistic world is an illusion and that everything is just a point of connection that rises and falls away in the same moment. That insight gives us a love for everything that arises in every moment, and it’s the way that we practice all the paramitas. They are perfections that take into account the normal virtues, but they go beyond them to a more imaginative, more open, more expansive sense of what those things are.”
I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I want to live like this, I wish I could just let Buddhism go. I don’t hold anything against those who do, but for me it has done anything but help.
I’ve always thought if it hurts, don’t do it. The point of religion, in my mind, is for it to comfort and soothe, other than that it’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.
You should read some fiction, especially fantasy, which might help you figure out that much of what you read is wrong.
Do they offer evidence that would make their claims about all this stuff convincing? Nope, didn’t think so. So you can forget about it.
And if you ever start thinking materialism is incorrect, kick a rock. That will remind you.
There is a big difference between “materialism” as in “the pursuit of having a bigger TV than the Joneses” and as in “the belief that only what’s directly perceivable by your senses exists”. Both of them are wrong, but in different ways. Denying the existence and worth of any and all material things is also wrong: the opposite of something which happens to be wrong isn’t necessarily going to be right.
Spell this out for me. Say you decide you’re done with “make my head hurt” stuff, and so you wind up, uh, “living a lie”: years go by, where you’re doing — what, exactly? What, do you think, would that look like? I don’t know what you have in mind; briefly outline how you figure a life spent that way could play out.
And maybe do both a worst-case scenario and a best-case one, to really clarify just what you think could be in store for you?
I am most familiar with Il Won buddhism and read and studied their holy scripture book. While it does touch on what you are saying, it is not the main thrust of the teachings, it is more of a conclusion of the practice. So not something to jump to, but someing taht evolved within.
The teachings have to do with universal principals, called Darma. All religions evolve around those principals (some better, some worse), but can never be exactly on it due to distractions of this world interfering with our perceptions. But in the end, the study will have one realize that the religion is not needed, as it is not the Darma, but it helps some get there to the Darma. So that is your head hurting problem, you have to cast off religion, and be ready for that, to get to the point where those things come into realization, but you are still inside the religion trying to realize that from inside the religion, can’t be done.
The path is the path to enlightenment, when one realized those universal principals in their pure form, what things are etc. This is when those existing/nonexisting, all is nothing, etc. things come in. But that is for a very dedicated soul, many stop when they get to the inner peace level. Some chose to go on and get to enlightenment, and a rare few after achieving it make a vow to keep comming back till the world is free from suffering.
Maybe this is your problem - I think a bit more scorn, sarcasm and anger for having your time wasted is in order. Teachings like this may sound profound, have some internal consistency and even a sliver of real-life truth to them.
But it might be easier if you think of them as at best impractical; at worst, the pretentious, bourgeois wafflings of the terminally self-satisfied. In the best tradition of Western secularism, you can take the bits you want from Buddhism and discard the rest without fear of unbalancing the cosmic equilibrium.
But the Buddha promoted the “middle path”. He wasn’t saying that we practitioners HAD to actually accomplish all the *greatness *that he taught. The Buddha presented us with both ends of the yardstick. On the high end is the ultimate achievement of attaining buddhahood and nirvana. On the low end are the rebirths such as hungry ghosts or the animal realm. If you recall… the most desirable level is the human level.
Takeaway… work towards the middle path, grasshopper.
Very nicely stated, esp, “…distractions of this world interfering with our perception”.
See it was quotes like that which kind of got me into this bind in the first place. This stuff doesn’t help or liberate me, it just hurts.
I wasn’t interested in heaven, or enlightenment, or whatever spiritual endgame. I just wanted to live life. But I can’t shake the sense that Buddhism is “correct” and anything I do besides it is “wrong”. Truthfully I don’t really care much about the teachings or what they claim, but the fear of living a lie or being wrong is so great that it keeps drawing me back to this stuff even though deep down I don’t want to. It’s like I’m hostage in my own body.
That sounds very much like a ‘calling’, it has it’s purpose, though one can resist, but the resistance to a calling is what is living the lie.
I would suggest seeking different aspects of Buddhism, there are many variations and many aspects of it to explore. The parts you have already explored don’t hold your attention. It may be just part of your own life which is trying to change.
A calling isn’t rooted in fear and paranoia. Bear in mind I’m afraid I’m wrong and living a lie mostly because Buddhism says so. And there is a notion in the West of Buddhism as “different” from others. It’s what makes it hard to let go unlike other religions.
I don’t know why either, the way their advice gets framed sometimes sounds like anything but compassion and makes you feel bad for just being human.
Like this one part I read some where: “The cause are mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. Stop fabricating mental fabrications that fabricate loneliness. In your case, if you’re using social media to ease loneliness, it’s like postponing the resolution of suffering to a latter date. Instead of focusing on the cause of your loneliness, you’re focusing on social media. You think you need social media to ease loneliness. In reality you most probably don’t need social media … you just need to get rid of loneliness. Once you’ll get rid of loneliness, you’ll probably stop spending time on social media.
What you’re experiencing is normal suffering due to loneliness. Psychologists will tell you it’s normal as long as it does not interfere negatively on your physical or mental health. Most people do something to ease feelings of loneliness (make new friends, read, do sports, watch TV, …). But that’s not curing loneliness. It’s like having a disease and alleviating its symptoms. This is no different than being depressive and drinking alcohol to ease the depression. Off course it’s not dysfunctional as drinking alcohol, but the mechanism is the same: you suffer, and instead of resolving your main problems which are the cause of your suffering, you’re postponing their resolution to a later date.”
It makes me feel bad for being lonely and wanting friends. Like that’s some kind of disease. It makes the assumption that my life sucked when really my life was pretty good before it.
