Jesus Christ, I never say this, but I think that was the funniest fucking pit rant I’ve ever seen. Bravo and well done.
Has anyone heard of Le Petomane? Apparently, he could control his farts and really make them sound melodious! I’m not kidding… go look it up on the Internet! Here’s a bit about him from one of my books:
The virtuoso of the anal accordion was the French tinker Joseph Pujol, who earned fame and fortune at the turn of the twentieth century as Le Petomane or. roughly translated, “the manic farter.” At an early age, Pujol made two remarkable discoveries while lying in his bathtub: the second was that he could control the intake of water into his body by contracting his abdominal muscles. At first, Pujol put his supernatural sphincter to good use by demonstrating a uniwue water squirting act. Having discovered that he could also control air, modulating the sound with completely odorless farting, he never looked back. Pujol took his act to Paris, where he became an overnight sensation, outlselling even France’s favorite actress Sarah Bernhardt. His act included a series of imitations, including the sound of calico being torn, a cannon, an eight-day-old pup, a creaking door, an owl hooting, a duck, a swarm of bees, a bullfrog, and a pig. He could play By the Light of the Silvery Moon by placing a small flute in his rectum, and could anally extinguish a candle at a distance of one foot. For an encore, Pujol would insert a yard of rubber hosing with a cigarette in one end into his rectum, then draw on the cigarette and exhale smoke. The highlight of Pujol’s spectacular career was a continental tour, which attracted many of the crowned heads of Europe (although King Leopold II of Belgium felt obliged to see his show in disguise). His career ended with World War I, and he went back to banking. Pujol died in 1945, aged 88.
So all I’m saying to lieu is that the bathroom experience you’ve described to us might have been more entertaining if the other people were like Joseph Pujol! LOL 
P.S. Great thread title! Says it all, I should think…
Beautiful, lieu.
Ain’t it grand that we aren’t compelled to sympathy fart?
You know how when you were seven and little Billy, the one with more crust on his nose than a loaf of wheat bread, was reading about Spot to the class and suddenly tossed a little tummy full of puke smack dab into the middle of the reading circle and then we all started sympathy chucking along with him like a bunch of midget firemen putting out a campfire?
What if we did that with farts? What if every time you heard a fart in church, everybody chimed in like we’re all in the buttchoir or something. Ever sat in a stall next to someone and neither one of you could pinch a monkey tail? Were we to be sympathy farters, a third could enter, blow a High C and we’d all chime in.
Butt Honey, what do you mean “We don’t communicate?”
The master on the fartiste.
Ah, yes, the SDMB, striving mightily to uphold the notion that fart jokes are funny.
Dear god, man, give me a chance to recover from one bout of laughter before springing the next on me.
I’m teary-eyed with laughter. Sweet.
UNCLE! UNCLE! :: dissolves into a maniacally laughing puddle ::
Give the governor a Harummph!
So is this a compliment or a “we’ve all heard of this before, and if you’re the only one who didn’t, you’re surely dumb as a post” kind of thing? I don’t get it…
Don’t worry, Why A Duck’s just mentioning a quote from Blazing Saddles. Mel Brooks was apparently a fartcionnado as well.
Gracias lieu.
Wow - I’m gonna pay far more attention to Dr. Steve Lyons on the Weather Channel from now on - absolutely the best thread name ever!
Welcome to the Board, Sandy the Quagmire Player.
Strangest bump I’ve ever seen, Recursion.
If I see that someone has just made their first post, I always like to welcome those who are new to the Message Board, if no one else does.
I happened to just be looking at old threads for some reason (I can’t remember how I got here) when I saw that Sandy’s post count was 1.
Homebrew, that is a strange bump and no mistake. In fact, I was going to bump your story about your coming-out, but decided against it. All I was going to tell you was that it was a very personal story. Thanks for sharing it, as I feel now that I know you a bit better now. 
(as much as is possible on a message board, after all :p)
A good practice, Recursion, but I’ve been leery about it ever since the person I welcomed turned out to be either a sock or a troll. (I think the former) Not to say that he’s either one of those; I’d expect not.
That said, welcoming people is very well and good. So welcome, Sandy… hope you enjoy it here. Don’t let my earlier statements scare you off, okay?
F_X
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!
I laughed, I cried…I am ready for Monday morning at the zoo known as “Family Practice”!
lieu, do you mind if I copy and paste this to send to my mom? She will love this rant!
'catz
I was thrilled to see this little gem be bumped.
lieu is so dreamy.
Well, bumping it gave me the chance to misread is as “Does Hurricane Carter name your farts”…which would be exceedingly weird…