I stay mostly in hostels when I travel abroad. Nowadays, nearly all have co-ed dorm rooms, but usually also a room for women only who specify that they don’t want co-ed dorms. Travelers now have become quite accustomed to men and women sleeping in the same room, without any issues or problems arising.
A generation or two ago, it was unusual for a hostel to not be gender-segregated, and there are probably a lot of people who still carry that societal inertia.
Yeah.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not like Harry in When Harry meet Sally and am working on the assumption that sexy time between room mates or male female friends is nearly a given. My WAG is that is in the 5 to 10 percent range that there will be issues with attraction.
Like you said, LIVING with someone you developed an attraction to that is not returned would not be fun. Or even worse probably if you are empathetic, is having a room mate you aren’t interested in that IS interested in you.
And then you get the wonderful choice of having to put up with the awkwardness or the somebody has to go drama.
If all the guys that want to be my room mate suck and there is a nice huuumannnn female (clothed even), she’s getting the room.
If its pretty much a toss up, the guy is getting it.
Though I would be much more likely to consider a female is was a well defined short term thing, like a summer semester, or until somebody elses lease runs out before to long and she plans to move in with them after things line up.
So how do any of you who worry that you ‘might be attracted’ deal with mixed gender workplaces? It’s pretty common to spend more waking hours with co-workers than roommates, especially if either of you works an odd shift or goes out a lot, so it seems like the problem would be worse there. Similar thing with social groups, if there’s a woman in the crowd you regularly hang out with who isn’t interested in you, is it a big problem?
I really don’t get why you can’t just occasionally fantasize about the person but focus your thoughts on someone else, and get over it after a few weeks. Not trying to be mean, but do either of you do much dating? This seems like the kind of thing I would worry about back when women were this mysterious alien creature to me.
Because there isn’t a comfy sofa at work. Nor sexually suggestiive movies. Nor convient beds. Or booze for that matter. Or cheetos, or the dryer.
Plus there is the barrier of “don’t fuck the co worker” and certainly the "don’t fuck the coworker at work (If somebody told me that was wrong I wouldn’t have done it 
).
And the same goes for other sex friends.
I have plenty of female friends. Same goes for coworkers. And at times the student/teacher/mentor/boss/subordinate thingy. And then there is the girlfriend of the friend or the wife of the friend/neighbor sorta thing.
The diffference between those and the roomate thing is. You ain’t living with them. AND while you can easily come up with some serious bright line moral ethical reasons for NOT engaging the opposite sex in those conditions, I’ve never heard anything against the tap the roomate idea besides actual consent.
These same risks are run with same-sex room mates.
The closest I’ve ever come to an opposite-gender roommate was having a gay male roommate (I’m not gay). I found it not awkward at all (and he was stereotypically neat and clean, which was nice). If he ever had the hots for me, he certainly hid it well.
Aside from making fun of each other’s tastes in TV programming, we got along famously.
Bah! Your job sucks.
Heh
We ALL can’t be the one percenters.
I’ve lived in a number of different arrangements and have had many opposite-sex housemates. I really don’t see what the big deal is, BUT. I was friends with any of the men I’ve lived with before I lived with them. I would never move in with a random stranger, because you never know if that’s the guy who’s set up his babe lair to catch unsuspecting victims. Welcome to my apartment, said the spider to the fly.
Now, a trusted friend? Sure, no big deal. Random stranger off Craigslist? Hell, no.
ETA: I think it’s a bit creepy that the OP doesn’t trust himself to not get emotionally attached to a roommate. Ew. I wonder, does he really actually fall in love with every single woman he meets? What if his female roommate had a boyfriend or a fiance? Still, that’s a concern? What if she’s physically not his cup of tea? Still? Ew Ew Ew.
I didn’t have sex until I was 30, and I’m 32 now. Make of that what you will. I also have been diagnosed with OCD and sometimes struggle with intrusive thoughts.
For me, home is a sort of mental refuge. It’s where I want to be able to let my guard down and be free of the awkwardness and social discomfort that plague me everywhere else. I can deal with unrequited sexual attraction, but having to deal with it at home would prevent my home from being the safe, restful place I want it to be.
No no, I’ve got it. There’s this trio of Irish lumberjacks rooming together, only one of them is a woman whom when anyone calls round is forced to pretend she’s a guy. We’re going to call it Tree Fellers.
Well back then “ew” was a pretty good description of me. I was very emotionally immature. Yes, many times men can be awkward around women.
You see I had had a few “girlfriends” back then who had taken advantage of me being emotionally messed up and got money from me and all and I just figured it would be best to keep myself from temptation.
Well that’s another thing - potential gay roommates.
Their were 2 guys I interviewed who let it slip they wanted something more in exchange for free rent. Their was one guy who called up and said “I’m gay, does that bother you?”. I said “No, I’m straight, does that bother you?” and he hung up. Now their was one calm, professional sounding gay guy who called and I would have rented to him but he chose somewhere else.
After awhile it wasnt gender or anything I was looking for in a renter. It was their ability to pay their damn rent. I required them to prove they had a job and make a deposit. That alone weeded out the bad people.
Granted this all happened years ago when renting out a room meant an ad in the local alternative paper so you get a big share of odd persons.
The only time since college when I had roommates it was me (female) and two guys, one of which owned the house. I knew all of them prior to oiving with them, so the relationships were already established. No hanky and or panky. I had my own bathroom, which helped. It was a good fit while I lived there.
I’ve done it a number of times concur it’s a non issue. I had unrequited attraction, but it wasn’t any different when we were housemates than it was when they lived down the street. (We all hung out together)
I spent a summer with two female house mates - no issues. They did have serious boyfriends (IIRC one was engaged) but it wouldn’t have been an issue if they didn’t.
Brian