Hey folks. I am new to the board :). I’ve noticed that when I come here, if I see a thread locked, I check it out just to see what got the thread closed in the first place. So, I am checking out todays threads and come across Ask the cheater thread and see it has been locked down. I have to give the moderator Manhattan a 10 for that closing remark. I about fell off my chair laughing and I’m still wiping the tea off the screen. So, what’s the funniest remark you’ve read from a moderator?
Manhattan is definitely the cleverest of the mods with the one liners.
“At the risk of exposing one of us to more irony than either of us can bear, what is the General Question here?” to the OP in response to the thread titled Poll revealing ignorance of Americans was one of my favorites.
It was odd to see the real life pic of him in the NY dope thread as I had always pictured him as this slender, nattily dressed wall streetish guy in rimless glasses and expensive loafers and he’s not really like that at all.
This one that I started has some good posts from Mods AND Admins.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=155434
From someone banned to someone else in GQ: “What are you, the fucking hall moniter?”
A coupla posts later: “I am the fucking hall moniter!” - Manhattan (AKA: Banhattan)
Haha! I remember the Hall Monitor remark! I fell over laughing the first time.
The funniest mod line I can remember was from Arnold Winkelried. Sorry I can’t pull up the thread, because the only words I can remember from the thread are all 3 words or less.
Someone had decided to pit him. He made it look like he was really working on a good comeback. Everyone was on pins and needles to find out what he was going to come up with. The build up was just intense. Then he came out with this…
You sir are an ass.
It doesn’t sound like much here, but after the build up, it was just hilarious. I guess you just had to be there.
There is an Arnold classic in this thread that I used as a sig for awhile. See if you can guess which line.
Lady Ice, I think that was the “Arnold Winkelried is a Nazi” thread. And if I remember correctly, what he actually said was
Good times.
I’ve emailed both manhattan and Coldfire at times to tell them I thought their thread closings were wonderful. Hell if I can find the threads, though.
“This thread is too stupid to live” --gets me every time. 
My vote is for MEBuckner in a thread which I am unable to locate currently… Basically it consisted of him saying how much he enjoys being a moderator, then in the bottom of the post in small gray (so it was hidden) letters he pleaded for someone to rescue him from the basement of the Chicago Reader where he was shakled with the other mods. I nearly peed myself.
I am so laughing. I bet it took awhile for ** Arnold Winkelried ** to live that comment down about quantity over quality. I’m not going to tell you what I was thinking when I read that, but it had nothing to do with posts;). And ** MeBuckner ** good grief do we need to pass the hat and buy you lunch? Moldy bread crusts and rats if your lucky? 
Mummy! when i grow up i want to be a moderator and make cool smart comments!
Always been a bit of a Coldfire fan actually:
Stinkpalm: "How the fuck did this end up in the Pit?
Mod, please move to Cafe if you feel so inclined."
Coldfire:“No fucking problem”
I still haven’t lived that one down (quantity over quality).
Each of my colleagues are funny in their own way.
A few samples off the top of my head:
(banned poster concrete creating a sock puppet and asking to be made a board administrator)
“We must decline your offer, for concrete reasons” - TubaDiva
In Muad’Dib’s famous rocky introduction to the board, he calls Ukulele Ike a “jerk moderator” for moving his bean beef and cheese burrito thread to MPSIMS. Mr. Ike answers “You’re right, I’m such a bloody fool. People! Help the man!”
C K Dexter Haven’s puns are innumerable, but I can’t think of his best one right now.
Someone once upon a time got hisself booted off the boards with the tag under his name changed, not to “Banned”, but “Too Stupid For Words” or something to that effect.
I wanna say it was one of the ‘big name’ meltdown/troll types, but I disremember who, or specifically when, now.
Made me chuckle, anyway.
Yup, that’s the one cuauhtemoc. Thanks.
And your right, good times.
No Arnold, you never will live that one down, it’s a classic.
I always liked Uke’s reply to the “Jerk Moderator” comment made to him after moving the ill-fated Been Beaf and Cheese Burrito question from GQ to MPSIMS.
[sub]link repaired, to enable all viewers to savor the subtle wit, much cleverer than Winkelreid’s or manny’s hamfisted wisecracks – Uke[/sub]