Mom & Dad, I love you but you're causing me to have an aneurysm

The BBQ Pit
1

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you but …

I know you understand the concept of a work ethic, because you’re the people who instilled one in your kids. You’re the people who wouldn’t help my brother out with his paper route during a blizzard, so he would learn responsibility. You’re the people who wouldn’t let me break a baby-sitting gig when the nicest, cutest boy in school over whom I had been anguishing secretly for two years asked me out on a date.

So why do you call me at my office twenty times a day with truly bizarre requests?

Guys, figure it out. I’m at work. You’re not elderly and senile yet (and shape up, or it’ll be the old folks home for you!), you both still work.

So far today, Mom called for hotel recommendations. Then Dad called because Mom didn’t take down their confirmation number, and could I call to get it? Ever the dutiful daughter, I called to ask for it, but they wouldn’t give it to me without verification of your credit card. So I call you back, Dad, to explain where you have to call, but again, you ask me to make the phone call. I’m still at work, by the way. You can tell, because when you call MY WORK NUMBER, you get me at work. Another tip-off should be that I don’t have a secretary at home.

Then, you get my (adult) brother into the act. Dad would like me to assemble a list of Broadway musicals (and this is the best part), not just any Broadway musicals, but ones that he would like to see. As far as I know, there are no current musical versions of “The Magnificent Seven” or “The Bear,” which are the only two films he has liked in his lifetime, so I’m a bit at a loss as to how to figure out what he might like to see. Again, still at work.

Doing some actual work now, about an hour goes by, and Dad calls to ask why there is no list of Broadway shows (that he likes) in his fax machine. Two more calls come in, and I ask him to please hold.

Dad is now offended that I would put him on hold.

Hello! Reality check! I’m at work! At work! ** At work!** I will do anything at all for you on my own time. I will do anything at all for you on my lunch hour. If it were a matter of life or death, I would crawl the 400 miles from my office to your house in a blizzard, blindfolded, dragging a paper cart behind me. If you could even bundle all your wacky questions into one phone call, I could take the time to deal with them then. But I can’t ignore the work that I am paid to do because you want to yak on the phone.

If you would like to discuss this matter further, please feel free to call me on evenings and weekends.

Sincerely,
Your first born child

2

Good rant. You didn’t even swear at the old dears, good for you. :slight_smile:

I get the same thing from my sister, BTW, who calls me at work to “chat.”

ME (at my desk, red-lining a document): Hello?
SIS: Hi! Whatcha doin’?
ME: Mowing the lawn.

The Magnificent Seven: The Musical – now that’s a funny thought. :slight_smile:

3

The script:

MOM or DAD: Hi honey!
YOU: Hi, Mom. (or) Dad.
MOM or DAD: I was just calling to find out about thus and so.
YOU: OK. I’m at work now. I’ll call you back when I get home.
MOM or DAD: But -
YOU: Yup, expect my call around 5:30. (or whenever)
MOM or DAD: But, but -
YOU: Have a good day. Talk to you soon!

hang up
repeat as necessary

4

that reminds me, i haven’t spoken to my mom in awhile. better call her at work.

5

You gotta go with the original Seven Samurai on that one.

6

The reason this makes me smirk so hard is that my friend in Princeton were describing when their parents came to visit them and wanted to Take The New York Tour. They’re from Buffalo (sounding familiar?) and, well, it was just funny. They took them into New York for the day and it was an entirely different Day In New York than they’d spend with any friends who ever visit.

7

Is an instant messenging program a possible solution to your dilemma? I can chat with my family during work hours without seriously disrupting my work schedule or theirs.

8

That’s the sweetest rant I have ever read. A perfect 10.

9

Now I’m going to have a complex as well as an aneurysm because people think my pit rant is sweet. Although I was very touched that Muffin gave it a 10, it does not mitigate the large amount, NAY, the MONUMENTAL waves of ire that I feel for the 'rents at this time. Humor me guys, wouldya, please? And they’re not old dears, Jodi, they’re coots. Old coots. My dad is this close to becoming an official old crank. And I’m not afraid to upgrade you to crank, Dad. Oh no, I am not.

Throatshot, the instant messenger is to laugh. I can see it now, the phone calls to complain that the instant messenger isn’t working (“you have to be online, Mom”). You are obviously blessed with a normal family, please stop lording it over the rest of us ;).

Yes, Cranky, no doubt some of this frustration is the fact that they are coming to visit. They usually demand that I take them to the restaurant with the best chicken wings in New York. As if they were coming from, oh, say, Paris, or Tel Aviv, or anywhere else but Buffalo, NY, where we never have wings when I am home visiting because they are “tired of eating wings all the time.” I will give a prize to the first person to guess what Dad says when he eats his New York City chicken wing. Hint: It makes my blood boil hotter than the hottest wing to ever scorch a palate at the Anchor Bar.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that The Magnificent Seven: The Musical might be just the thing to revitalize Broadway.

10

Uh, okay, Del. That rant was so hot that I got blisters on my eyeballs.

p.s. I really wanna see Robocop: The Musical. Could you arrange that for me? Thanks.

11

delphica, is there any possibility that we were separated at birth? My parents are coming to visit up here in NYC, and I’m getting the same sorts of requests from them (though mine are apparently more sensitive to the work-time issue). It’s spooky, really.