Mom don't know Cecil!!!

[Dzdmona]

**

Please remit for their perusal:

1. Income earnings statement from fiscal years 97 - 99;**

More money than Mawm made - and I’m a professional!
**
2) Projected earnings potential for next five years;**

This man is so talented, there is NO end to his potential…and we all know that behind every successful guy there is a successful woman (and Mawm, of course)!
**
3) Estimated nag factor (how often does he have to be nagged before he’ll buy a girlfriend, say… a mink coat);
**

Now, girls, I’ve been told that to find a good husband, look at the way he treats his MaWmaW. And if the way he treats me is any indication, well, y’all have nothing to worry about! And now the good news…Mawm lives about 40 miles away, so isn’t there to interfere!

**
4) Whipping potential estimate (Will he respond to our ladies’ every whim should they prompt him by withholding sex)

**

Did you ever hear about the kid who’s mom went to school and told the teacher that her son was very sensitive…so sensitive, in fact that she didn’t want the teacher to yell at him. If he were being really bad the teacher should just yell at the kid in the desk BEHIND him and the boy would clean up HIS act!

My darling son is at least that sensitive!

Any other questions?

[TVeblen]

Just catching up on the board after a brief break…

Did I mention that how much I really, really admire your style? You bet you blow hot air and stir things around better’n any fan around.

There are some real feminine catches on this board! (FWIW, I’m not one of 'em; female, but generationally impaired.) Beautiful, brainy…and you get to monitor the whole shebang!

Well, maybe not the whole process, more to spare your son’s sensibilities than yours.

::beams sadistically::

This is so cool! A bright, vocal, excellent mom and son team.

Veb

[elelle]

MaWm/Des: You are wonderful! Welcome. Please stick around.

Sam: You are GaWd awful lucky to have such a fine lady as your mum.

[ChiefScott]

Did you ever hear about the kid who’s mom went to school and told the teacher that her son was very sensitive…so sensitive, in fact that she didn’t want the teacher to yell at him. If he were being really bad the teacher should just yell at the kid in the desk BEHIND him and the boy would clean up HIS act!

Assuming this is your response to question four:

Am I to understand then, that if our ladies withhold sex from the guy sitting behind your son… let’s call him Wally… your son would do their bidding?

Boy. He’s got a lot of catching up to do. No body gives it up to Wally.

[Persephone]

Hi Dzdmona! Or can I call you MaWm?

I LOVE your style! Please stay! Please! I’ve got two little kids, a three-year-old girl and an eight-month-old boy. They can be your honorary grandchildren. Just STAY!

[Vestal_Blue]

Welcome Aboard Dezi!

Can I call you MaWm too? Pretty please!
I watched Fiddler on the Roof; Does this qualify me for Son-ship?

OR may I bribe you with a ride in my plane? Or lunch? (Kosher, of course; I’m not meshuggina! (sp)).

[Dzdmona]

[QUOTE]
**
Well, maybe not the whole process, more to spare your son’s sensibilities than yours.

::beams sadistically::
**

Oy! I didn’t mention that I expect the whole thing to be immaculate!!!
**
This is so cool! A bright, vocal, excellent mom and son team.

Veb
**
Careful! You’ll swell the boy’s head!

[Dzdmona]

**

Am I to understand then, that if our ladies withhold sex from the guy sitting behind your son… let’s call him Wally… your son would do their bidding?

Boy. He’s got a lot of catching up to do. No body gives it up to Wally.
**

Ahem, Chiefie, I think that would be correct…that if she didn’t give it up to Wally…he’d be alot more willing to do her bidding!

Now it suddenly dawns on me…who the heck is Wally??? Poor boy! sounds like he needs some help!

[Dzdmona]

**
MaWm/Des: You are wonderful! Welcome. Please stick around.

Sam: You are GaWd awful lucky to have such a fine lady as your mum.
**

Thanks for the wonderful welcome, elelle!

[Dzdmona]

**
Hi Dzdmona! Or can I call you MaWm?

I LOVE your style! Please stay! Please! I’ve got two little kids, a three-year-old girl and an eight-month-old boy. They can be your honorary grandchildren. Just STAY!

**

Of course you can call me MaWm! And what are the little darlings names? (P.S. I even babysit for short periods of time!)

Just don’t ask GaWd about the cat!

[Dzdmona]

[QUOTE]
**
Welcome Aboard Dezi!

Can I call you MaWm too? Pretty please!
I watched Fiddler on the Roof; Does this qualify me for Son-ship?
**

Can you sing “If I were a Rich Man”? Of course!

**
OR may I bribe you with a ride in my plane? Or lunch? (Kosher, of course; I’m not meshuggina! (sp)).
**

A plane! And in what exotic place would we have lunch? Sounds like fun to me…

[SSgtBaloo]

Hi, MaWm!

~~Baloo

[Dzdmona]

**
Hi, MaWm!

~~Baloo
**

Hi Baloo! Glad to see you are checking in!

[Shayna]

Hi again, MaWm! Thanks for putting in a good word for me with your son. How does he feel about older wimmin?

For the record, here are some of my qualifications:[ul]
[li]I cook, including all the traditional recipes like matzoh ball soup and I make a pretty mean brisket. But I don’t keep kosher. Does that matter?[/li][li]I’m in my sexual prime, so he’d never have to beg. ;)[/li][li]I hate, loathe and abhor shopping. My clothing budget for all of last year was under $500.00. Malls? {{shiver}}[/li][li]I’m willing to relocate.[/li][li]I’d make sure he never, ever forgot your birthday or mother’s day.[/li][/ul]Is there anything else that would be helpful to know?

[GaWd]

Oy veysmare!

Hi MaWm

Good catch TechChick, I wasn’t even fast enough to think of that one!(surprise?:D)

The folks who gather around this place are another matter. As a greater mind put it, “we put the ‘fun’ in ‘dysfunctional’”. Hey, truth ain’t pretty.

Do we ever, TVeblen!

Welcome, Dzdmona! Any friend of Sam’s is a fr…oops! I mean, any friend of GaWd’s is a friend of mine! (You know kids, they always want you to use their little nicknames when you talk about them around their friends!)

Ahh Beth, so sweet…just for that, you can call me anything you want–just be nice to MaWm!

Welcome aboard Dzd. If you share your son’s sense of humour then…
oooh
shudders

No kidding Dpr…I agree all the way here! Thank GaWd she has a more normal sense of humor.

**TechChick, all kidding aside, it’s very hard being GaWd’s MaWm. You have no idea! He keeps me running hard all day long, bringing him wine, peeling his grapes, tying his shoes…oy! I could go on forever! **

Like this isn’t the way it should be? <DoH>

**But power? Nooooooooooooooo! Not one bit! He keeps all the glory to himself! And for this, I went thru all the trouble of an immaculate birth! And does he appreciate??? No! Just takes the chance to quote MaWm without her knowledge! **

Hmm…I might have to think about this one…

**But now that that’s all said…he’d be a great catch! And I’m sure he’ll father darling babies! (He’s gonna kill me) **

Consider yourself dead…

**Give it to him Guys! **

Ahh, let the Jewish Dating game begin!

I think that’s enough for one post…

-Sam

[GaWd]

Oy veysmare!

Hi MaWm

Good catch TechChick, I wasn’t even fast enough to think of that one!(surprise?:D)

The folks who gather around this place are another matter. As a greater mind put it, “we put the ‘fun’ in ‘dysfunctional’”. Hey, truth ain’t pretty.

Do we ever, TVeblen!

Welcome, Dzdmona! Any friend of Sam’s is a fr…oops! I mean, any friend of GaWd’s is a friend of mine! (You know kids, they always want you to use their little nicknames when you talk about them around their friends!)

Ahh Beth, so sweet…just for that, you can call me anything you want–just be nice to MaWm!

Welcome aboard Dzd. If you share your son’s sense of humour then…
oooh
shudders

No kidding Dpr…I agree all the way here! Thank GaWd she has a more normal sense of humor.

**TechChick, all kidding aside, it’s very hard being GaWd’s MaWm. You have no idea! He keeps me running hard all day long, bringing him wine, peeling his grapes, tying his shoes…oy! I could go on forever! **

Like this isn’t the way it should be? <DoH>

**But power? Nooooooooooooooo! Not one bit! He keeps all the glory to himself! And for this, I went thru all the trouble of an immaculate birth! And does he appreciate??? No! Just takes the chance to quote MaWm without her knowledge! **

Hmm…I might have to think about this one…

**But now that that’s all said…he’d be a great catch! And I’m sure he’ll father darling babies! (He’s gonna kill me) **

Consider yourself dead…

**Give it to him Guys! **

Ahh, let the Jewish Dating game begin!

I think that’s enough for one post…

-Sam

[GaWd]

**

**he’d be a great catch! **

Nice, single, Jewish girl checking in!

Hi MaWm! Nice to meet you. You’ve got a very sweet son there, which speaks very well for you and how you raised him. (How’s that for kissing up?) He doesn’t seem to know I exist, though, so maybe you could put in a good word for me?

Pay no mind to the nekkid twister party Wally’s throwing me for my 1000th post. I’m really a timid, virginal creature. (But feel free to join us - we’re having a blast! :eek: )

Welcome to The Straight Dope, GaWd’s MaWm (and maybe some day, mine. ;))!
**

GaWd Didn’t know Shayna knew He existed either!

And I won’t worry about Wally…I know that you want a real man!

And now the good news…Mawm lives about 40 miles away, so isn’t there to interfere!

As if 40 miles will stop a J.A.P. MaWm from interfering!

**I cook, including all the traditional recipes like matzoh ball soup and I make a pretty mean brisket. But I don’t keep kosher. Does that matter? **

Yum…Kosher? what’s that?
**I’m in my sexual prime, so he’d never have to beg. **

:Stares dreamily at screen:

I hate, loathe and abhor shopping. My clothing budget for all of last year was under $500.00. Malls? {{shiver}}

Hmm, sounds like you might have a problem with my shopping habits ! Look at the bright side, If I had you around, I’d be impelled to purchase things for you as well.

**I’m willing to relocate. **

Ahh, key ingredient to this formula. WHere do you live? Either way, our weather is wonderful out here.

I’d make sure he never, ever forgot your birthday or mother’s day.

Shayna dear…never have, never will!

Thank you everyone for the kind words and picture-perfect welcome for MaWm!

Oh, and let’s keep the “Madel Dating show”, Hosted by Yenta Dzdmona on the air!

[GaWd]

Who let this slip to the second page?

Hmmph…

-Sam

[Osip]

**
Welcome, Dz! And don’t pay attention to techchick when she disses herself. She’s a nice girl with a good job. Comes from a good family; has real nice teeth. What more can a boy want?
**

Good teeth? Hurm…

welcome Dz!

Osip

[Dzdmona]

**
Hi again, MaWm! Thanks for putting in a good word for me with your son. How does he feel about older wimmin?
**

Uhhhh, how much older? He has a tendency in that direction…but ya can’t be givin’ MaWm a run for her money!
**
For the record, here are some of my qualifications:[ul]
[li]I cook, including all the traditional recipes like matzoh ball soup and I make a pretty mean brisket. But I don’t keep kosher. Does that matter?[/li]**
Kosher! Ha! And give up lobster and crab??? I don’t think so!
**
[li]I’m in my sexual prime, so he’d never have to beg. ;)[/li]**
Immaculate, I tell you! Did immaculate conception go out of style or something???
**
[li]I hate, loathe and abhor shopping. My clothing budget for all of last year was under $500.00. Malls? {{shiver}}[/li]**
A woman after my own heart! Let HIM shower you with goodies!
**
[li]I’m willing to relocate.[/li]**
It doesn’t get much better than Central Coast California!
**
[li]I’d make sure he never, ever forgot your birthday or mother’s day.[/li]**
I must say that GaWd makes most my days my birthday and Mother’s Day all rolled into one! (Maybe now he’ll let me live!)
**
[/ul]Is there anything else that would be helpful to know?
**

Hire a housekeeper! He shouldn’t make you pick up after him! And enjoy!

For all you slightly younger women…MaWm also has a younger son, Arcangel! Another FINE catch!