The backstory:
Mom had breast cancer in 2009; had surgery; got rid of it; refused radiation since she had opted for mastectomy and since she was in her 80s at the time. It came back in the same spot five years later, got it removed again, refused radiation. She was on chemo drugs, just once each time.
FF to 2016: She started having groin pain late in the year, then low back pain that got worse. Sure seemed like a pinched nerve. I spent the next couple months getting her to the docs, specialists, x rays, MRIs, physical therapy, on pharmacy runs, checking on her two or three times a day at her retirement home, the works, running myself ragged. Neck pain started up too. She could not get comfortable. Her caregivers were there to help as well, thank og. But she just kept getting worse, with more pain, debilitated.
I had her into an ER twice for pain relief. The third time around, she couldn’t even get out of bed without help. This was Feb. 27. Her c.g. suggested a different/better hospital and I took her there myself (paramedics helped her into my car—would not transport her since their rules require them to take the PT to the closest hospital, not the one you want).
I demanded that she be admitted and she was. She was there for several days and everybody saw her: neurosurgeon, infection doc , hospitalist, palliative care nurses, pain specialist, lots of nurses and CNAs. She was still very uncomfortable and then developed a distended abdomen from being bound up (I thought it was from narcotics but might have been from something else…bear with me.)
She was NPO by then, not that she wanted any food, just ice chips. They put in a nasogastric tube to decompress her stomach for some relief. Then they took her down to ICU and did CT scans.
That was when we found out just how bad things were. (March 5) From what my tired brain can recall, cancer had metastasized into the bones–hence the pain. She also had a hole somewhere in her stomach or abdomen. She refused surgery for that since she was so far gone and it would have only added to the misery or been all for nothing . Maybe there was cancer in there too…?
She was still fully coherent and capable of making decisions. She asked to be made comfortable and said she was tired of all the pain. She was then transferred to Hospice.
She died 26 hours later. (March 7)
Even the night before, she was still joking and talking with the hospice nurses, totally cognizant. After a while, the massive morphine doses rendered her unconscious. I went the next morning and realized from her vitals and her rattly breathing that she would be departing that day.
In hospital, ICU, and hospice, she got to see me, brother, his wife, their daughter, my cousins, her pals, some of my pals, our neighbors, and the hospital chaplains.
Just this past week, she was cremated and we had a small gravesite gathering (she didn’t want a big service) and then a life celebration at her retirement home.
Two things I would really like:
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A decent night’s sleep
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An explanation of why somebody didn’t figure out sooner what was wrong. Not that they could have done much about it if it was spreading so fast, and she would have refused a regimen anyway, being nearly 91, but still.
She had seen her oncologist in December and nothing was amiss in the blood tests.
Evidently, cancer is beyond insidious.:mad: