Mom, please stop narrating movies and TV shows. Thanks.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I love my parents, I really do.

That being said, I’m home for Christmas/Chanukah now. I was watching TV with them, but after a half hour, I just can’t. Why? An old habit of my mother - she narrates every television show and DVD. Character’s first appearance? She’ll name the actor. Landmark? She’ll tell us what it is. If we were watching King Kong, this would would only be a small selection of what she’d say:

“JACK BLACK.”
“NAOMI WATTS.”
“THERE’S ADRIEN BRODY.”
“OH, THAT’S KING KONG. WOW, HE’S BIG!”
“THERE’S NEW YORK CITY.”
“THERE’S THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING.”
“HE’S CLIMBING THE BUILDING. SHE MUST BE SCARED!”

She’s also got to explain every plot element, because I’m an idiot. My ceaseless chanting of “I know” makes no difference.

“THEY WANT TO LOSE MONEY. THAT’S WHY THEY’RE MAKING A MUSICIAL ABOUT HITLER.”
“I know.”
“IF THEY LOSE MONEY, THEY CAN WRITE IT OFF.”
“I know.”

I’ve told Mom about this before, and that it’s why I don’t want to see movies in the theater with her; she does it whether she’s at home or out. I feel embarassed, as if I’m with someone talking on a cell phone. Even though I’ve told her, it has no effect.

“THERE’S THE BADA BING! THAT’S A STRIP JOINT.”
“THEY"RE CLOSING THE DOOR TO THE BACK OFFICE BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT ANYONE TO HEAR THEM!”
“THEY SAID THEY’RE GOING TO WHACK SOMEONE. THAT MEANS THEY’RE GOING TO KILL THEM.”
“Mom, you’re narrating again.”
“OH, I’M SORRY.”

10 minutes later:

“TONY’S WAITING TO SEE DOCTOR MELFI.”
“Sigh.”

Please tell me I’m not alone in this, and that others are victim to loud television show and movie narration by their older parents. I don’e expect to see a show in silence, but I don’t want to have the obvious explained to me. What can I do to make her realize we can’t enjoy a show or movie when she’s narrating it, and that we don’t need the characters and plot explained to us?

2

Kill her?

Gag her and put her in a closet?

I dunno.

My parents, after a life of “TV is called the idiot box for a reason” bought a big screen one a few years back and proceeded to play it VERY LOUDLY.

Then, the pendulum of Puritan ancestry swung back and they donated it to charity, so I don’t have this problem…

3

I have the husband who chants along with his favorite movies and episodes. “Bart, they said you was hung!” “And they was right!” It makes me reluctant to watch Mel Brooks or Matt Groening things. “Sweet zombie Jesus!”
Or he starts lecturing film class stuff while a major character is saying something important.

4

I’m married to a narrator. He gets really offended that I don’t want to watch TV with him, although I’ve explained the reason a hundred times, at least.

He promises to keep his mouth shut and just watch but he simply can’t help himself. He spends the whole hour debating whether the two-timing girlfriend is Suzanne Pleshette or Angie Dickinson* when I couldn’t give a stuff. I just want to watch the story unfold.

  • two names picked at random. I have no idea whether these women even look remotely alike enough to cause such an argument with himself.
5

You’re not alone. My mom did this too.

There’s probably nothing you can do short of turning the volume up so high that you can’t hear her comments.

I think it’s her way of sharing the experience, letting you know that she’s picking up on what’s going on, that she knows who’s who in TV and movies.

How would she react to “Mom, shhhhhh”?

6

My friends are similar in a stoned kind of a way. Wherever there’s a punchline, they will without fail scream for the next five minutes about it. “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED!!! [Character] IS SO FUNNY! OH MY GOD!!!” …Meanwhile the funny character on the teevee and any other characters who have a line in the next five minutes has been completely drowned out by you screaming about it, you ninny; now shut up!

Ahem.

Sorry. It’s a running problem.

7

That’s me. I always told the ex to tell me to shut up if it got annoying, though. She only did on one occasion, which was during Spaceballs, a movie whose entire script I can quote verbatim. I guess me saying every line in the movie was too much.

As for the narration, no, my parents don’t do that. My father does have the tendency to not get the plot, though, so sometimes it’ll become necessary to explain it to him. Under the circumstances I’m surprised my mother hasn’t developed the narrating habit.

8

I’m glad to say nobody I know does this.

I did once, however, go to see The Two Towers and have a stranger walk in 10 minutes into the movie, sit down next to me (despite approximately 300 other seats to choose from), and THEN narrate the entire movie. Does that count?

“That’s Gollum. He wants the Ring.”
“Don’t worry, they won’t get trampled.”
“They’re hiding in Helm’s Deep.”
“Hey! That’s an elf!”
“That’s Treebeard.”

9

My husband will launch into long lectures about exactly why a film is historically inaccurate, or why this actor was better in that film than in t’other one, or the differences between the various tanks/guns/bombs/airplanes/whatever, or how he can’t believe they’ve got the German soldier using a 9mm Fershlugginer Zippy revolver in a movie set in 1943 when the Veinschnickerschnookum Arms Company didn’t start manufacturing them until 1944, and anyway they got his uniform all wrong, and so on and so forth until I kick him.

He only does this at home, though. I don’t let him talk at the movie theater.

Makes you wonder if those giant cups of soda they sell are big enough to drown someone, doesn’t it?

10

No, you’re not alone. My mom has always done this. Not only does she add commentarty while watching, she has a naturally loud speaking voice. She tends to pipe up with a comment right about the time they say the punchline, or some big mystery is finally revealed. Then, after loudly drowning out said punchline or mystery revelation, she is baffled and mutters “Oh, I must have missed something there, I didn’t get what he said” :rolleyes:

I don’t watch much TV with mom (I’m 36 and haven’t lived at home since I was 17). I had actually forgotten she did this.
But last winter I was reminded of her bad habit when, due to an ice storm and loss of power at her house, I invited my parents to stay with us. I know understand why my father has always had his own seperate TV viewing room.

11

And that is why I should never post within minutes of rolling out of bed.

12

You guys ever try riding on a plane with someone that does this?

Mom forgets that not everyone is wearing headsets and watching the movie. She just keeps on narrating and laughing for two hours. I pretend to sleep. Oh, and if I’m actually watching the movie too she makes even more comments.

Can’t wait to be on that 8 hr flight with her later this year. Should be fun. Really.

13

I love my Mum. Took her to see Serenity (this is a treat for us. We live on different continents. I wish she lived closer because obviously she’s an awesome movie companion.) At a certain point she exclaimed something quite loudly and I shhh’d her. And she’s more embarrassed about it than I am! So there’s no way you’d get a full narration out of her.

Dad just refuses to watch movies. Or sit still for TV. Not his thing.

14

Ivylad and I made a Christmas date with his sisters and their husbands to see Lord of the Rings in the theater.

I’m sitting next to my SIL during ROTK, and the first epic shot of Minas Tirith comes up. I gasp in wonder and delight, watching this beautiful castle emerge.

My SIL leans over to whisper some trivia about the scale model they built of the castle. Pulled me right out of Middle Earth, thank you very much. :rolleyes:

15

My mom will sometimes do this while I’m on the telephone with her. Evidently the fact that we are not watching the same show is unimportant.

“Hey! Will you look at that? There’s some guy who killed his mother for narrating TV shows. Interesting.” And this is true even if she calls me, so it’s not as thought I’m interrupting her favorite show or anything.

She used to narrate the newspaper, also, when I lived with her. She would read entire articles out loud, adding her own commentary, of course. First thing in the morning, that is not what I need.

16

My nine year old son does this and it sends me batty - we are sitting on the same sofa watching the same program so I do NOT need you bouncing up and down next to me, banging me on the knee and bellowing into my ear that that bird can mimic a telephone. I just saw it do it!!!

Grrr.

Obviously I’m going to have to train him out of this so he doesn’t drive his future SO up the wall, but I’m not having much luck so far…

17

Mine, too! Although with him, it’s more speculation about what’s going to happen. Dad, seriously: we’re watching this movie for the first time, so I know just as much about what’s going to happen as you do. Fortunately, he only does this at home.

18

This is hilarious to me! Probably because I don’t know anyone who does this.

Perhaps you could hold a tape recorder in your hand and record her narration. Then play it back while watching another movie. Just to save her the effort.

19

This is where a Tivo helps alot. My inlaws do this ALOT. When they come to visit I will become the TV Nazi. I pause the TV and rewind if needed. They get the hint after a few minutes. Though if they are watching with my wife and I am not there they both fall back into their habit of naming everyone and asking about the plot constantly.

Tivo/DVR’s are a godsend…

20

My father has the other bad tv/movie watching habit. He’ll walk in with 5 minutes left and want to be caught up on the entire plot. Really frustrating.