Do you live with a movie narrator?

I dearly love my wife, but sometimes I can’t bear to watch movies with her.

You see… she’s a movie narrator. She doesn’t even realise she’s doing it - My preference is to watch and become entirely absorbed into the action, the story, the scenes, but she keeps on saying what she sees on the screen - either reading text out loud, or just blurting out a description of something that appeared or happened on screen; “Haha! Big dog!”, “He’s fallen in the water!”, “Oooh, dark cave”, “His car is on fire!”.

I have to excuse myself from the room, otherwise one day I will just yell “I KNOW! I’M WATCHING THE SAME DAMN FILM YOU ARE!”

Do you live with a movie narrator?

Narrating, the way you describe it, would be extremely annoying.

My family are movie commentators. For instance, when the guy in the movie does something really stupid, one of us will say, “Oh no! He didn’t!”

But telling everyone what we can plainly see would gripe my guts.

Ooo! Ooo! You left out one: “Who’s that?” (When the person has just walked onto the screen for the first time in a movie none of you has seen before.

Well, how the hell should I know? I’ve watched exactly as much of this piece of entertainment as you have! You know what we could do, though? WATCH THE DAMN MOVIE and I’ll bet that person’s identity will be revealed in due course!


So, to answer the OP: yes. The only remedy is alcohol, ingested lavishly.

The worst is the bar sports narrator. Especially when he is stupid, doesn’t really understand sports, and has really bad eyes.

If I did it wouldn’t be for long, because murder.

My son and I will give deserving movies the MST3K treatment, but that only works if both people are on board (and are funny).

My brother is one. I rarely watch movies with him.

My mother is a movie questioner. She constantly asks questions that you, as a first time viewer, cannot possibly know – like the example shantih gives, only about Everything.
“Why is he doing that?”

“Where are they going?”

“Why would they do that?”

I guess you know exactly which thoughts go through her head while watching. But why is it she’s able to control her inner monologue during everyday life but not during a movie?

Wait, don’t tell me she does this ALL the time! :eek:

Oh, that too. The questions.

“Who’s that man?”. He’s the colonel.
“Who is he? The actor?”. Tommy Lee Jones.
“Is he the cowboy in that other film?”. Probably. Whatever. Yes. Lets say yes.
“Who is this man? He’s a weed”. The character is Steve Rogers. The actor is Chris Evans.
“He doesn’t look like himself”. No, not that Chris Evans, this is a different man with the same name. Not the ginger one.
“What are they doing now? Turning him into the Incredible Hulk?”. Probably not. This film is called Captain America.

There are people like this in the theater.

Hard to imagine how they survive an entire movie without being slaughtered by nearby patrons.

Oh. I thought you meant, is there a movie-narrator type voice in my head, narrating everything I do.

The answer was yes, yes there is.

My brother isn’t so much a narrator as a complainer/nitpicker. He’s a film archivist–watching just about anything with him will trigger a rant on some aspect of the movie in question. I used to sort of enjoy the “insiders” perspective of his comments, but now I find it rather annoying.

Back when my mother was still alive and living with me, she used to do the most annoying thing with movies and tv. Picture this: The scene is tense, the actor is emoting like crazy, the music is climaxing . . . and from the armchair across the room comes “Wow, that’s some great acting!”, taking you totally out of the movie. Either that, or she’d choose that exact moment to get up and ask “Do you want some tea?”

My mother is a “can I get you something to drink?” person also. Ten minutes later she asks “are you sure you don’t want some tea or soda?”

My mom would do something similar. At that exact moment you describe she would ask

“Is there something else you’d rather watch? I can get the TV Guide and see if there’s something else on.”
Me; “No, Mom, this is good. I want to watch this.”
Her: “Is that other show on now, you know that one with that guy?”
Me: “Nope, this is fine”

You’re probably thinking she wasn’t enjoying the show and this was her way of suggesting we watch something else. Nope, she did this even when she hadn’t been watching at all or even in the same room before that moment.

What is that?

I don’t know, sweetie.

What’s it for?

You do realize we’re watching the same thing, sweetie.

I just thought maybe you knew.

We’re watching the movie’s first showing on the first day of release, damn it all, now shut up!!! Sweetie.



Doesn’t everyone?

My daughter talks continuously through movies in the theater. Ooh. Did you see that? He looks like a snowman.. Etc. We start with gentle reminders that other people are in the theater, so please be quiet. We almost always have to escalate to a flat, “no talking.”

My MiL does all of this. And the drink thing. Plus, and this is my favorite, during football games on every single play she will say, “Didn’t that hurt?” One, yes I imagine that getting tackled to the ground by very large men hurts. Two, we’ve covered this. Repeatedly. For 25 years. Please (please) STFU.

Does she ask “Ooh, have I seen this?” Because my Mum always does, whenever a movie is on TV, and it’s not a question that ever can be answered satisfactorily. Then one that’s been established, she can start on the “Who’s he?” questions, before falling asleep in front of the TV, waking up again and elaborately and laboriously going to bed, interrupting everything, then wandering back ten minutes later to complain that the sound is keeping her awake.

The 2nd EX-Mr Damsel was a movie narrator and a scene questioner.

However he was a delight compared to my BIL who is a life narrator. He was driving us someplace and he read aloud EVERY SIGN. Every green highway sign, blue sign advising what is off that exit, every merge, lane ending, every bill board, every shop sign. He read aloud menus in restaurants. I can not believe my sister has been married to him for 20+ years.