Mommy Meltdown

My Dearest Son,
I love you. Really I do. I think the way you make a tower of blocks and then kick it over with a squeal of delight is just enchanting. The way you giggle as you try to lick my feet is the best free entertainment around. When you share your Popsicle with the dog, my queasiness is overwhelmed by my pride in your generous nature. You give me hugs and kisses whenever I want them and you rarely shit in the bathtub. All around, you’re just peachy. However, there is something I feel I must tell you in hopes of maintaining my sanity.


Now pay attention dearheart, because this is important. We have no cows that need milking. There are no chickens to feed, or pigsties to muck, or fields to plow. I will not be waltzing out to the kitchen to start a nice big batch of fresh buttermilk biscuits to welcome the dawn. Please keep this in mind for the future, or I may be forced to take desperate measures involving duct tape and half-trained monkeys.

Thank you,
Your Loving but Exhausted Mother.

What? No biscuits?

I’d like to co-opt your rant but direct it to Cranky Jr. I love ya, kid, but SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK IN THE MORNING. I am sure you think it’s cute that you get your second wind about 9 pm and are then able to stay up until 1 a.m. or later, but I assure you Daddy and I don’t share this assessment.

Sure, you can take a nap when the next day proves to be too much for you. I am not afforded that same luxury.

Didn’t you hear me boy?! I said NO BISCUITS!

Now shut up and eat your Froot Loops.

Cranky, you slipped by me there…

Aaaahhhh! Mine does this too. I learned my lesson one night when I thought if I could keep him up until 9 or 10 he might sleep a bit later the next morning. Never Again!

Sharing Popcicles with the dog?!?!? What kind of negligent mother are you?!?!?!?

Sorry - I don’t really mean it. I used to babysit a little boy who liked to gnaw on the dog’s chew bones, and he (the boy) managed to reach adulthood without developing mange or anything. I know it won’t kill 'em, but ick ick ick ick ick!

My husband has been known to share his ice cream cones with the dog. * ick ick ick ick ick*

As for me, I think 5 AM is the best time of the day! Arise and witness the rebirth of nature! Hear the birds sing! Watch the darkness yield to a glorious dawn! Be one with the universe!

Ow! Ow! Quit it! It’s almost a joke. I gotta get up at 5 for work - I gotta look for that silver lining. Anyway, in a few years, he’ll be a teenager and you’ll be hard-pressed to get his slacker butt outta the sack before noon. Face it - you can’t win!

Hell, I give my ice cream to the dog, but it’s only after I’m sure I don’t want any more.

I can understand all of the words individually, but when you string them together like this they loose all meaning.:slight_smile:

Ya know what makes me laugh? People who put their kid to bed at 8pm and bitch because the kid is awake by 5am.

I know these people.

Me too, when I’m done. But what he does is he licks, doggie licks, he licks, doggie licks, ick ick ick ick ick

You can be a logical as you want about germs or likelihood of contracting rabies or whatever else, but it doesn’t matter. It still makes me go ick ick ick ick ick

Well, FCM, I can distinctly remember sharing my meals with the family dog until I was fourteen or so, so I can’t really bring myself to be too disgusted with the kid. He comes by it honestly. :slight_smile:

And particlewill–now you know another one! Seriously, my kid’s bedtime is anywhere from 8:30 to 9:00. He usually goes into his room on his own when he’s tired, and rarely fusses when I put him in his crib. This always worked fine before–he’d sleep until seven or so and all was well with the world. But then about two months ago this strange farmer timeclock kicked in and now it’s up at 5:00 without fail. :mad: It’s tough, because like Cranky said if I keep him up too late he’s likely to be up half the night bouncing off the walls, and then taking luxurious three hour naps at daycare while I’m struggling to stay awake here in my cubicle hell. Fah!

I don’t care when she goes to sleep or wakes up, I just wish she would take a break from stuffing my navel with Play-Doh, which she is doing even as I type.

OK, no more sniping about sharing food with doggies [sub]ick ick ick ick ick[/sub] and instead, two magic words: Duct Tape.

Didja hear that 2trew? Slap a little duct tape over that belly button, and poof, problem solved!

Actually, I have the half hour off. “Max and Ruby” came on, so she will not stir from her chair in front of the television for at least another 16 minutes.

At that point it’s lunch time, and then we go to the indoor playground where she can terrorize other children while I drink too much coffee.

The duct tape thing, not so much. I’m sure it would work, but there is an issue with removal and hair. It would be unpleasant.

When your kid stays up and gets that “second wind” two words come to mind: Pediacare Nightrest. Stuff knocks 'em out like nothing else. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have been tempted to dose my little angel with the stuff despite the absence of any cold or flu symptoms.

Huh. Little, adorable Sophie (all of 16 months) goes to bed at 8:00 pm and doesn’t stir until 7:30 am.

And she NEVER plays with her food.



Just you wait, John. Your time will come. Heh heh heh.

People have been telling me that for 35 years… I’m still waiting. :wink: