I’ve been at my wits end with my mother for most of my life. She has been slowly eating herself to death to the point that she is currently around 600# and can’t get in and out of bed by herself. You don’t know the meaning of love until you’ve wiped your own mother’s butt, I tell ya. :eek:
We’ve tried hospitals and nursing homes. They all kicked her out due to lack of willpower and refusal to do physical therapy.
So this is our last hope. The place she’s going to is a retirement home of sorts that focuses on rehabilitation. It’s a place that people go to get better and live better lives, not just lay there and give up. The best part for us, is that they have a wing dedicated to bariatric treatment. I’m hoping that if Mom sees other people who are like her, or even worse, who are working hard and seeing results, their positive attitude will brush off on her.
She’s scheduled to go sometime late this month. Now we’ve got to pack up her house and distribute her things among the family for safekeeping. The retirement home will take all her current income (not much) and use it towards paying her way.
Those of you who are the praying type, please say one for my mom. This is our last hope. If these people can’t help her, I’m afraid no one can. Her next stop would have to be to one of those homes where people do just lay there and give up because she’s just too far gone for us to care for her anymore.
Strength to the whole family and best wishes for everyone involved. Here’s to hoping that Mom learns to stand on her own feet again - both physical and metaphorically.
:dubious: Always?? I don’t believe that’s accurate. Do you have a cite to back that up?
Some people may gain weight because they are depressed, some because they don’t understand how to balance diet and exercise.
There are nurmerous other reasons people gain weight. Habits are hard to break, losing weight is no different than breaking other habits like smoking, or drug use. It can actually be harder, since you can live without other habits, but one still must have food to survive.
Obesity is a physical problem. Viewing the condition from the outside as a mental disorder, only shows a lack of understanding.
I remember your earlier threads and your frustration with the situation. I’m glad there’s an option out there that will provide the support she needs. Best of luck to all of you! There’s light at the end of the tunnel!
Doperchic, my mom pretty much ate her way to death almost thirteen years ago.
I’ve read your threads before and I have been in your position. It sucks.
Hey DoperChic, I’ve read the linked threads about your mother.
Are you in your new house? How is it? What is it like to be in a home that is free of “commodes” and pee covered beds? What is the greatest part for you? Is it waking up and hearing birds singing? or perfect quiet? Is it being able to come home and sit down and relax, knowing that everyone there is sane?
Have you stepped away far enough to feel like an individual? Are you able to see your mother with any compassion yet?
Even if you haven’t been able to break free permanently (which I don’t think you really wanted) have you been able to break free enough to have a life of your own?
I’ve recently been pondering the idea of “tiny moments.” Little bits of time that fulfill you in ways that hours can not. How much of our lives is made up of these tiny moments that we live for. Tell me, how many more tiny moments have you been able to enjoy?
For many of us reading your story, you are the heroine. We certainly hope your mother gets the help she needs (notice I didn’t use the phrase “deserves”) but our interest in the story is you. You are the one we want to see live happily ever after. Ok, fine, we would be happy to know that you and your fiance spend one night a week doing whatever the hell you want to do without worrying about your vampiric mother.
If someone eats her way to 600 pounds I think it’s safe to say that a mental disorder plays a large (not total, but large) part of the problem. There was a study (heard it on am radio, so no cite) done that showed that many people who had bariatric surgery ended up taking up a different addictive behavior because they could no longer over eat. Some turned into binge drinkers; others became addicted to gambling. Addiction is a mental problem.
If you don’t address the underlying mental roots of why you overeat, you will fail in your weight loss attempts.
First of all, thank you so much to all of you for your kind words, both in this and my other threads! It really means a lot to me.
Yup.
Nothing short of amazing!!
Honestly, really weird at first, but so great now!
This sounds weird, but it’s knowing that everyone there (just me and DoperGuy for now) can take care of themselves. If I need to stay late at work or want to go out with a friend, I can do so without a huge amount of guilt.
Thankfully, yes.
I always had compassion for Mom. It just became so tinged with anger and resentment that it got pushed down.
Totally!! I still go home every other weekend or so to give my sister a break, but I don’t HAVE to.
Infinitely many. I have reclaimed bubble baths as a favorite way to spend my free time. Just having free time at all that is totally mine is amazing to me.
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Aww, geez!
We have long set aside Friday nights as our date night. Now we can actually go out for date night instead of having to stay home to watch Mom. It’s amazing! (have I said that enough??)
Doperchic, that is awesome. Really. It is rare that someone takes advice, especially when that advice is to do the HARD thing. I am glad things have come out so swimmingly for everyone.
I didn’t want to beat you up with all the enabling/tough love/guilt inducing crap that your life was already filled with. It is nice that you got enough hope for a more normal life to do what you needed to do.
To Quote Shawshank Redemption: Red: [reading a note left by Andy] Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies.
I wish you all the happiness. Now,let’s hear about those wedding plans. I might also mention that we like babies.
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