We are in the midst of redoing the whole house, top to bottom. Most of the stuff we’re doing ourselves, but we’ve had to contract out a few things out.
A friend of mine is retrofitting all of the duct work in the attic. His brother was going to come over Monday and install three attic fans for me but wasn’t able to make it over. I had taken $400 cash out to pay him but when I learned that he wasn’t coming over, I gave the money to my wife and she placed it on her dresser in our bedroom. The last time either one of us remember seeing it was Tuesday morning.
Today I went to get the money and it was gone. We turned this house upside-down. All we have left at home of our three kids is our youngest, a twelve year old, and my BIL. No other person has entered this house since Tuesday morning when the money was last seen. We have no reason to believe that either of them would steal from us, but the four of us are the only ones that could have taken it or invited someone in that could have. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that a trusted family member could have stolen it.
I know that under most circumstances, its stupid to leave that kind of money laying around in full view, even if it was in our bedroom. Lesson learned, my bad, I was asking for it, etc. She had jewelry valued in the thousands right next to the money that was untouched. In fact, nothing else is missing.
My question for the Teeming Millions: How do I approach this with our son and my wife’s brother without coming across like a complete tool? Should I at least file a police report? Four hundred clams is not going to make or break our project, is it best to just let it go and get over it? Is even the most carefully worded questions to them worth possibly alienating them?
As stated above, you really can’t make an accusation without evidence. Saying that, “Our children didn’t do it, so that only leaves…” (a.k.a. process of elimination) is not evidence.
I think it should be possible to ask about the money without being accusatory. Something along the lines of, “Did you happen to see any money around the house? I thought I left it on my dresser, but I can’t find it, and I really need that money to pay the contractor. If you happen to see it anywhere please let me know.”
This in no way accuses them of taking the money, and gives them an opportunity to “find” it and return it to you with no questions asked. If it happens that one of them did take the money and doesn’t return it, you may have to consider it an expensive lesson learned.
If it was me, I would say “I thought I left some money on my dresser but I can’t find it anywhere, maybe I left it somewhere else. Have you seen it lying around the house?” in a very non accusatory, somewhat distracted and worried tone.
And what would be gained from asking such questions? If he did take the money, do you think he would give it back based on your inquiry? “Oops, sorry. I saw the money on your dresser, and thought it didn’t belong to anybody. Here it is.” If he did not take the money, he will feel he’s being wrongly accused (and rightly so).
Yea, he probably did steal the money. But without evidence there’s absolutely nothing to be gained by asking him about it. My only advice is to spread the word to everyone in your family that $400 was taken from your bedroom (without accusing anyone), and perhaps someone will come forward with some evidence.
See what new and shiny things appear in the next few days in th epossession of any of your suspects, you will know yourself roughly the means each person has, and any bills that might have been coming up.
No, but if one of them DID take it, it lets him know that the absence was noted (I agree a 12 year old would be more like to think it wouldn’t be noticed than an adult) and it gives the person a chance to “find” the money somewhere, or leave it somewhere it would “turn up”.
You could mention the missing money to the BIL and say you thought your kid took it and you need advice about how to handle the situation. If the BIL indeed took the money, he might feel so bad about the kid getting blamed that the money would re-appear.
Several times in my life I’ve been certain that some certain person stole something from me, and every single time I was wrong. Either the missing thing turned up in some strange place (usually a place I’d forgotten I put it), or I learned that someone else had taken it. Diplomacy is definitely called for.
Might not gain anything from asking the brother-in-law- but you might by asking the 12 year old. Once my husband left some money out in the open, we went out, and when we got home it wasn’t where he left it. Asked my son (who was about 12 at the time) if he had seen it. It turned out that one of his friends had come over and my son had hidden the money so the friend wouldn’t see it.