It seems that my son, who is 20, stole some money from his sister that she was planning to use for a 2 day trip. They both live in my house. I am very tempted to kick him out, but the “father” in me says not to.
What would you do?
Cut his hand off. Oh wait, you can’t do that these days.
I don’t know about kicking him out, depends on his past history with you. If he refuses to live by your rules, then maybe it’s time for him to find out how easy he has it living at home. Or if he has a car that you bought/pay for, then take it away. Someone who can’t respect other’s posessions deserves none of his own.
Of course, I’m not a father, so I don’t know how I would handle it.
Give 'im hell, cheezit. I’d make him pay it back, double. Then, I’d explain to him how he goes about finding an apartment.
cheezit
How about some more information? How did you catch him, and what have you done/aid so far?
Is this his first offense?
What are his prospects for living on his own and/or repaying more than what he stole?
If he’s shown evry sign of being a good kid and he just did something incredibly stupid/thoughtless/illegal, then i would likely give him a break. He has to take the punishment for what he’s done wrong, and then he can get back in your good graces though hard work and continuing to keep his nose clean.
If this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back, then it’s time for him to get kicked out of the nest.
-Doug
Shoot, I thought you meant a “real” thief.
I was going to answer, “Call 911, and then change my underwear.”
Some serious inquiry into exactly why that money was stolen may be in order. If I felt the need to rip someone off at that rather advanced age, there could only be one reason, with a capital “T” and that rhymes with “illegal.”
If you answer the questions posed by dublos I’m sure all of us will better be able to hand down Solomon-like justice for this little miscreant. Oh wait, we’re talking about your kid here, er… this little fallen angel.
If its a first time then you can just give him the usual disciplinary measures like removing prized possessions but make sure you explain everything you do calmly and why it is being done.
You could give him the option to make it up to you, see if he can redeem himself in your eyes and his own.
This might be the end of it, just a stupid incident but look at his friends objectively and note wether they have changed of late, especially if he seems to have fallen out with long standing ones.If he has then you may more advice.
Does he have work ? IF so he can make some form of recompense, or you could tell him to find a part time job to pay, or he could work for you.If you do the latter then do not feel sorry for him as he makes like a martyr, which he will likely do, just remind him gently abotu the whys and wherefores.
If this is the end of it then once the punishment or what you decide is over I would try to let it slide and not bring it up, especially in family conversation.
Hope it all turns out right for you.
Kick him out. Sometimes it is tough to be a parent but at 20 years of age he’s an adult. If he still thinks it is ok to steal from his sister why wouldn’t he steal from you or your husband?
Marc
::WHOOSH::
Huh?
Well, shoot. I guess I can’t always be a shining light of coherence.
Allow me to explain. When I was twenty, there were five important things in my life: booze, tobacco, dope, pussy, and cars (a nod to the Butthole Surfers for creating my theme song). I generally rated my quality of life by how well I was managing to combine those Five Favorite Things at all waking hours.
But being a drunken, cigar-chomping, reefer-twisting, sex fiend wannabe race car driver can get expensive. My only motivation for taking someone else’s money or things would have been to get better acquainted with the aforementioned booze, tobacco, dope, pussy and cars. And as you may have noticed, various combinations of those items can cause Trouble, Trouble, Trouble.
Me? I’d move the thread to our advice forum, MPSIMS.
And then I’d toss him? Twenty? Unless he’s a full-time student, you should probably toss him anyway.
How much did he take?
I wouldn’t do anything. I’d call the cops and let them take care of it. Sorry, 20 years old is too old to be pulling tat shit. My mom woulda beat the ever-livin dog crap outta me if I did something like that at 20.
Good god, man, her arm would be tired by now, with so long yet to go! 
I agree with Demo. It’s a simple case of he is old enough to know better. To steal is bad enough, to steal from your family is disgusting.
The amount was only $20.00 but to me that is not the point. He had even asked her if he could “borrow” the money, but she said no, because she was going to need it for gas for her trip. So, when she was asleep last night, he went into her room and took it. He has done it before, but it was usually only a dollar or two. Nothing at all major.
He does not have a job. He always seems to have an excuse for not getting one, even though his friends have gone to bet for him and actually gotten him a job. All he would have to do is go and talk to the boss and bingo he would be hired. But, no, always an excuse. “My ex girl friends new boy friend doesn’t like me”. Crap like that.
It is like he really honestly believes that the world owes him a living. I am seriously tired of that crap, but I can’t bring myself to kick him out in the street with no place to go. (A guy I know did that to his son, and now his son is in prison.)
So far, I have told him that I have no reason to not believe my daughter, and that he had 1 week to have some sort of a job or else. I also told him that I would not tolerate a thief in my house.
I will give this much to him though. His car is all bought and paid for, including all the fancy stereo stuff etc., by him, before he lost his job. It isn’t like he is completely useless, even though it may seem like it. He is actually not that bad a kid. I just think it is time he grew up and got his head out of his ass. I don’t have any problem whatsoever with him living at home, but I just think he needs to stop stealing before it gets worse and he needs to get a job.
“why wouldn’t he steal from you or your husband?”
I have not caught him stealing from me, yet.
If I had a husband, I’m am quite sure my ex-wife would have had something to say about it. :D:D
What kind of man do you want him to be, and when is going to grow up? He’s way too old to be filching money from family, in large or small amounts. Hells bells, instead of buying toys for himself and pilfering money, why isn’t he paying toward household expenses?
Sounds like so far he has no inclination to grow up, and no real incentive to do it. Sad as it is, it may take a strong kick in the pants from you. If you truly can’t bring yourself to kick him out, then I’d suggest ripping a yard-wide strip off him for stealing and lay down the friggin’ law about the way it’s going to be from now on if he stays under your roof. Scare the holy crap outta him, and maybe he’ll straighten up.
Sorry, but he’s not a kid! He’s a man, and letting him freeload, steal from his sister, etc. isn’t doing him any favors in the long run. (It’s a pretty sad message to send to your daughter,too. What’s life like for her, when big bro is permitted this kind of nonsense?)
The kindest thing you can do for your son is get tough. Wanna guess what kind of “mischief” he’ll get into in a few years if he keeps on like this?
Veb
I think kicking him out may be a bit harsh. However, he should be made to understand that there will be consequences for his actions. You were right in telling him that he needs to get a job. Until then, you should have him earn the 20 dollars from you or from his sister by doing some job (house repair, letting her borrow his car, etc.)
Once he gets a job, he should start paying you rent to live at home. I had to pay 100 dollars a month rent to my dad when I turned 18. I feel as though I learned a lot about personal responsibility and finance by having to do this. He is an adult and will have to learn to fend for himself. This is a lesson that will benefit him more than the 100 dollars a month will benefit you. If you feel too bad about charging him the rent then put it away in a savings account for him and give it to him when he moves out.