Dude, I can’t stop eating this beef jerky. The more I eat, the hungrier I get. 
I don’t know if cows are picky eaters or not. How do they know the cows will be up to the challenge? Now goats, those things will eat anything.
This is my favorite part of the article:
Because everyone knows that the best way to get rid of unwanted marijuana is to burn it. “Why hello, officer, would you care to join us as we dispose of some weed we found growing illegally in my basement?”
Now all I’m thinking about is a big, tall glass of Russian Pasteurized Cannabis Milk with a plate of brownies.
Mmmmm.
Well, um…THC is present in human breast milk of heavy smokers. Granted, humans can’t extract the THC from eating the plant itself (needs a fat source to extract it), but cows have awfully efficient plant digestion…
But how exactly do you tell if a cow is stoned? Do they get MORE docile and glassy-eyed?
No, but they develop a marked tendency to sit on the couch and watch cartoons.
In what appears to be a protective measure, European Union Agriculture officials have stopped beef traffic from Russia. Officials then took time out to argue whether the condition that prompted the ban should be called “Mellow Cow Disease,” “Really-not-the-least-bit-Mad Cow Disease,” “Cud-Munchies,” or “Mooo-Duude Syndrome.” This argument is expected to be completed by 2012, four years after the ban runs out.
Wow, man, like we’re eating grass, man. Like, that is so far out. It’s like, we’re like grass eaters, and we’re eating grass. You ever think of it that way? Totally cool. Hey could anyone else go for some dandelions right now?
Hola amigos!
I know is been long time since rapped at ya, but I have recent run in with Federal Drugs Control Service in, get this, Moscow. Just when I get Yugo out of shop after knucklehead drive sledge into door, komrade calls me on gloriously useful Soviet cell-phone to celebrate impending state-sponsored marriage. But when go to my flat to pick up cannibis, secret police meet me in living room and take me to dairy. They feed my dope to cows, and I have clean stalls for 46 years of glorious service.