It’s a hard decision, isn’t it? Do tell her though.
Since you are not completely sure he IS fooling around with Carrie, tell Mindy that something is going on, but you are not sure exactly what.
Tell her the same thing you told us. That you are uncomfortable with him possibly using you and your husband as a cover, and you want no part of whatever he is doing.
Mindy will thank you for it, maybe not that day, but at some point she will.
Aenea
It’s a hard decision, isn’t it? Do tell her though.
Since you are not completely sure he IS fooling around with Carrie, tell Mindy that something is going on, but you are not sure exactly what.
Tell her the same thing you told us. That you are uncomfortable with him possibly using you and your husband as a cover, and you want no part of whatever he is doing.
Mindy will thank you for it, maybe not that day, but at some point she will.
Aenea
Like Dylan pointed out, it’s very unlikely that Earl is just “helping her out on the paper route”. I say, tell Mindy what you know, and refuse to cover for Earl’s duplicity and your husband’s reluctance.
I have very strong feelings about this. Over a year and a half ago, my then-boyfriend cheated on me with one, possible two people (his best friend’s girlfriend and possibly his best friend - all together now, “EEEUUUUWWW!”). Figuring that out on my own was hard enough, what was even harder to deal with was the $2000 medical bill from the sexually transmitted disease that he gave me because of his infidelity.
I count myself lucky that he didn’t give me something incurable, like AIDS, herpes, or genital warts. However, the scarring caused by the infection he gave me may very well render me unable to conceive and carry a child to term.
If Earl is cheating on Mindy again - which seems very likely - then it’s not just a matter of morality. It’s life and death. Had a friend told me about my ex-boyfriend’s escapades, I would have been devestated. I might have had time, though to break up with him before he gave me that STD or get to the doctor to treat it before it became a bout of pelvic inflammatory disease. That some of my friends knew about it and didn’t tell me just means that they aren’t my friends anymore.
Trust the CGI, trust the CGI.
I’m sorry EBeth, I didn’t know the post was going through, it kept telling me it was timing out.
Nothing entirely new to say, but I hope she does find out, and I think the sooner she does, the less painful it will be.
If you were told some bad news like this, would you like to right away or after it had been going on for months and months?
Also- I don’t like the sound of this guy at all. I want Mindy to find out because I hope they break up. He’s, well- to put it bluntly and somewhat tactfully- a bad husband.
He might be a good friend to your husband, but Mindy’s need to know exactly what kind of man she’s stuck with is more important.
Best of luck to you and Mindy and the kids. I’m really sorry that this stuff happens…
Wow, I go away on vacation for a couple of days and nearly miss an opportunity to help my evil pal, Beth.
First off,your story/problem/storyproblem was not long and well written.
Secondly, what Jess said and Enright’s first line are as good as gold. I have nothing relavant or more enlightening to add to what they said, too which I regret I don’t live my life like the freaks on Springer, et al.
Mindy must have absolutely no self esteem to allow this man to crap all over her. What kind of an example is that to her little girl and their son? Another generation of people who get shit on and shitters evolving before your eyes.
Let Jerry arbitrate this one then we all can enjoy it.
While I’m a fan of MYOB, I think that would suitable in this case only if Mindy was completely clueless and thought it was a marriage made in heaven.
Not so. I’d tell her. It’s not like she wouldn’t have seen it coming. This guy is already on his second chance.
I think I’m pretty much agreeing with some of the other posters here, but just in case you’re going by popular vote:
The way I would handle the situation is
I don’t see how you can forbid Earl from parking his car in front of your house if your husband agrees. I would definitely let your husband know that you disagree with him using you as an alibi.
If Mindy dislikes you afterwards, I would argue that there is the risk that she will dislike you just as much if you tell her something now.
Dylan - I must say I’m a little confused about your situation. Did you say that your husband was cheating on you, and asked his friend to lie about it, and you have forgiven your husband but not the friend? 
“Helping her with her paper route” – is that what people are calling it these days?
I’d tell her. My mom got told my dad was cheating on her and was thankful someone thought enough of her to tell her even though the whole freakin’ neighborhood knew and hadn’t said anything.
Jess, your post made me chortle. “Earl-Dick” HA!
I think the Dixie Chick’s song is appropriate for this whole story “Earl’s Gotta Die”.
What a pathetic loser.
Mindy and Earl’s marriage is over, whether Mindy realizes that or not. I would rather see Mindy cut the strings and get on with her life than deal with the tension this situation is undoubtedly giving her (not to mention the kids). Why save, or pretend to save, a marriage to a lout like Earl? It’s over.
And by the way, how do these losers always manage to meet someone new?
I suppose I’m just an echo, but I’m definately in agreement with everyone who’s suggested that you don’t let Earl park in your driveway or tell Mindy he’s at your house when he’s not. Nope. Don’t be coverin’ for the scumbag.
However, I’m not quite sure if you should tell Mindy or not. Part of me thinks you ought to mind your own business, but part of me thinks that this is a pretty important thing, and Mindy needs to know. After all, you’d want her to tell you if you had a booger hanging out of your nose. And Earl’s kind of a booger…
How about if you write an anonymous letter to Mindy? I realize that’s kind of the coward’s way out, but it has some advantages.
Bingo. In this day and age, not telling Mindy that Earl is probably cheating on her is tantamount to watching her walk along the rail-road tracks, while debating whether or not to tell her that a train may be coming.
Mindy is in a situation that puts her health and possibly her life at risk, and she needs to know.
evilbeth, you’re not supposed to have moral dilemmas. Not even amoral dilemmas. Now, immoral dilemmas are the ones for you. Therefore, OF COURSE you’re going to tell her. You like her; you don’t like him. Where the “evil” would come in depends on how much you dislike him. Do you break it to her gently and say “Dear, I think Earl is having an affair,” or do you get her drunk, tell her (giving all of the lurid details plus some made-up ones for spice), and help her buy a gun?
Just how evil are you?
*Okay, I know you’re not the slightest bit evil. That’s what makes this hard. You lack malice so even breaking it to her gently is tough. What if you are wrong? What if this friendship really is platonic? How can you be sure enough about anything to risk screwing things up?
Life would be easier if every situation were in black or white.*
IMHO, Tell Earl (coincedentally, the name of MY cheating-rat-bastard-ex-dick, tho it was spelled Erle) to stop putting you into a position you dislike. He’s taking advantage of you.
Don’t tell Mindy unless she asks, then be truthful.
Not much else to add here hon, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and hoping it all ends for you, her and those kids soon.
One question though. Doesn’t she even wonder what he is doing at 4am? I really think she would almost have to have some inkling.
These are things that test free will and the creed. Big hugs for you love and positive energy for when you need it.
Thanks to everyone for the input. You guys are great!
Let me explain a few more things that I didn’t put in the OP. First of all, hubby was friends with both Mindy and Earl separately before they got married. Therefore, hubby feels some sense of responsibility in telling Mindy what is going on. However, Earl, as I said, has been his best friend for many years so that’s where things get complicated. Also, hubby is a very trusting person (and very gullible and naive when it comes to his friends) so he thoroughly believes the “only friends” story and sees no reason why I shouldn’t.
Second, I’m sorry if I made Mindy out to be some Betty Crocker/Martha Stewart/weakly codependant innocent in all this. Both Mindy and Earl were very big on the drinking/drugs/partying circuit before kids came along and the only thing children affected was the frequency of such escapades. In fact, the other night when he “helped Carrie with her paper route”, he was supposed to be out trying to buy some weed for Mindy and himself.
Also, I know the impression that I gave was that I don’t like Earl. This isn’t exactly true. While I disagree with basically all of the ways he has chosen to live his life, he is a pretty okay guy–just not to his wife.
This is going to sound really strange in light of what I’ve told you but for the most part, Earl is not (that) irresponsible. He has another child from a previous relationship and he fully supports her as well as his son. He always makes sure that his paycheck goes to Mindy to make sure all the finances and needs for the kids are met. I know, this is basic human decency but there are alot of people (men and women) who don’t do this much.
My personal opinion is that Earl somewhat enjoys having too much responsibility to handle. He likes to be the martyr without actually looking like one. Basically, Earl has a really big problem with authority. When Mindy asks him to stay home, he rebels against that authority. When anyone tells him he can’t do anything, he rebls and does it anyway. They tried marriage counseling but Earl went one time and thought the guy was trying to run his life so he refused to go back.
I am leaning toward telling Mindy. I think I might approach it like, “You told me last time Earl was hanging out with Carrie that you wish I had told you. Well, I know that they are working together on her paper route. I don’t think anything else is going on but I thought you should know so you can monitor the situation.” Or something. Of course, hubby wants to wait and see if anything else happens. He also wants to talk to Earl about not involving us anymore regardless of whether there is anything going on between them. I say, since we know and he has actually has her here at our house (to drop off and switch cars) that we are aready somewhat involved. Are we?
Okay! Another long post from me! Sorry!
Definitely. Talk to Earl and make him quit using your driveway to switch cars. To continue to allow him to do so is a silent nod of endorsement for his current behavior.
Also, since Mindy did say she’d wish you’d told her before… tell her now. Stick to the facts, let her draw up her own conclusions, but tell her soon.
chrisbar