Oh, Marley, I like the Femmes, and that song. I used that one as an example because I thought that it’s a song that everyone knows. I suppose I could have used Chingy’s song (whatever the hell it’s called), where he sings “Here come the 3 to the 4 to the 5”
Rhyme crimes, oh hell, where to start! Apart from the ones already mentioned, we need to ban:
love/dove
dear/fear
you/blue … in fact ANYTHING with blue OR you
sister/mister
On the other hand Jeff Buckley’s cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah is one of the most sublime pieces of music ever recorded. So much so that further covers of that song should attract life imprisonment with Leonard Nimoy.
Oh, I forgot one of my ALL-TIME musical peeves – songs that order me around! Much deserving of a ban are songs that:
- Tell me to wave my hands in the air like I just don’t care.
- Tell me to get on the dance floor. (Maybe if I didn’t hate your song so much, I might!)
- Tell me to jump to the rhythm, groove to the beat, etc.
I WILL DO THESE THINGS IF I AM IN THE MOOD TO DO SO, NOT BECAUSE YOU KEEP BUGGING ME!
Of course. Not every cover is horrible. Some are quite good. Your suggestion, for example. However, since I doubt very seriously that the people in power will appoint me arbiter of good taste, I think it’ll have to be across the board.
I love Counting Crows as much as the next guy. And I think they do a very good version of Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi. At least until they remixed it with Vanessa Carlton.
Song titles which are rhetorical questions, eg Is This Love? I don’t know, nor do I much care: do a Google search if you’re that interested {but for fuck’s sake don’t post it on this board: so, how many roads MUST a man walk down?}
When I just don’t care, I rarely wave my hands in the air. This is a bloody stupid lyric, no matter who sings it.
Agreed, Gyrate.
In fact, I just heard the phrase “wave your hands in the air” the other day (I don’t think it was in a song) and mentally I filled in the blank with “like you just don’t care”. The phrase has become so overused that I think it should be banned outright. Not because it’s an order (though I like that angle) but just because it’s a silly phrase.
I’ve thought of a few more, however these are a bit more abstract:
No more of that vocal synth thing that makes you sound like a singing robot. Kid Rock (Lonely Road of Faith), and Cher (Do You Believe In Life After Love) are both guilty examples of this.
Anybody seen getting down to a Lenny Kravitz song will have their eardrums ruptured so that they may never listen to music again. Especially if it’s “American Woman”
Look, I loved Zepplin too, but they’re just done man. No more Zep on the radio for at least the span of one generation. Here in Chicago we have somewere around 15 stations playing “Whole Lotta Love” at least 300 times a day. This must be stopped.
Speaking of the radio,I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag as far as the FCC is concerned, but if oldies radio can get away with playing Pink Floyd’s “Money”, which contains the phrase “…Goody Good Bullshit” and The Who’s “Who Are You” which contains the phrase “…Who The Fuck Are You” then there must be no more bleeping/scrambling on the radio period.
Adding to your list…
moon/soon/June
love/above/of
kiss/miss
Oh, and here’s one of my own. There should be a five-year maxumum limit between album releases. Any band that breaks up and then makes a so-called “comeback” several years later with the release of new material is just setting themselves up for failure. The new songs sound nothing like the older music the fans have grown to love and appreciate, and the new material will be soon forgotten in favor of the band’s classics.
I’m glad this rule wasn’t in effect earlier or you wouldn’t have had a lot of great rock covers of blues songs, but at the present time I agree.
Not sure I agree with this, though. Pop stars of days gone by rarely wrote their own stuff and a few were still good. But much more importantly, even if that lot COULD write lyrics, I don’t think anybody needs to hear what they have to say. They have no thoughts or creativity of their own as far as I can see, so if they can’t rhyme two words together, we may be all the better for it.
One more: the use of the word “funk” as a euphemism for “fuck.” Yes, yes, Mr. Lyricist, saying “Get the funk out!” makes you VERY clever. Now go away.
This is along the lines of what Cluricaun stated in posting 4.
Country music artists - enough with the patriotic songs - especially if it gives the impression that you are something you are not.
Example - Charlie Daniles singing “Still In Saigon” - he can’t possibly still be there because he never was there - never even served in the military.
Moon/soon/June should be grandfathered for it’s historical importance.
Rain/Pain…on the other hand…
Here’s sort of a ‘meta’ thing: No band shall release more than 4 albums with the same lineup. New musicians, even if guests or whatnot, must be brought into the mix on a regular basis.
Hear hear! When I was 16, I fricking loved Zep. But, ya know what? Radio killed 'em for me.
Back then, two of my favorite albums were Led Zep IV, and the Dead Kennedy’s Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables. But one of those albums has gone through my collection via vinyl, cassette, CD and MP3. Why in the hell would I ever want to put on a Zep CD? I know if I flip through the three classic rock stations in the area, I will hear some Zep right away, as if they were some elder gods who must be constantly praised by the masses.
So, DJ’s over at The Hawk, I say to thee: No one will mind if you manage to go an hour without yammering on about “The Mighty Zep”. Let’s try dropping them from the playlist altogether, shall we? Perhaps 20 years down the road, some yound teen will be flipping through their parents CD collection and come across one of the albums in question. Maybe he’ll hear Communication Breakdown, and be fricking blown away. Well, fine then. When that day comes, then you can start pushing for an All-Zepplin station again. But for now, please, leave them fricking well be.
Part III…
Would it kill all the currant rock musicians to throw in the occaisonal ripping guitar solo, or did everyone forget how to play lead guitar in 1992?
New bands repeat after me: We will stop apeing Iggy and the Stooges. There has been enough of that already.
It was ok for a while there to have a random Jamaican dude come into the studio and shout gibberish along with your song. However, letting Lil’ John to do the same thing to all new rap songs and get rich from it is just goddam annoying.
Heretofore AC/DC and Aerosmith and Kiss will be combined into one pre processed “70’s rock band” called AC/Derosmiss. They will be forcibly moved to Branson Missouri.
Psst … the plural of moratorium is moratoria.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, let me step in here.
I love Zep. Love em! I cannot go a day without hearing some Led. The problem is that the radio stations play the same four songs over and over and over and over. I have never heard “Trampled Underfoot” on the radio, and I think that’s a crime.
Oh, for the record, I’m only 23, so it may be because I missed them the first time 
HERE YE!! HERE YE!!
Let the word go out on this day forthe, Novermeber 3, Year of our Lord 2004 that no persons of artistic temperament shall be permitted a career in music AND film at ye same time. Two medicore talents do not equal one great talent. The following persons are therefor BANISHED from this day forward:
Jenifer Lopez (AKA J Lo)
Madonna
Hillary Duff
Pink
All Simpsons except for Homer and Bart
Hey, I’m from Indiana. We’re lucky I knew the word at all.