I expect my family to do whatever they can afford. (Funerals are absolutely ridiculous these days, and I’m pretty sure most of the expenditures are unnecessary in the first place.) I’d prefer to be donated, with, perhaps, a small memorial service where they play some of my favorite songs. But really, I’m dead, so I won’t exactly care, will I? They can wrap me in newspapers and toss me off a cliff if that’s what makes 'em happy.
I would like everyone attending to wear odd shoes. I don’t expect this to happen, however.
My wife has agreed to soak my ashes in any highly toxic liquid and then, after nightfall, pour this concoction around the base of my neighbor’s oak tree in the hope of killing it as revenge for all the oak leaves that clogged my gutters.
Dangerosa, You’re sick.. really really sick…
I like that in a person! 
Just a reminder: to everyone who wants their bits donated, please make sure you fill out the appropriate forms for your jurisdiction, and tell your loved ones. Millions of healthy organs are wasted every year because the potential donors didn’t make sure everyone knew what to do when they snuffed it.
ETA: Mods, please feel free to remove the link if not appropriate for IMHO.
Good point, Really Not All That Bright! I know that in at least some states (Illinois being one), they still ask you at the DMV if you want to be an organ donor and print it on your license, but it’s not the “real” registry. You have to go to the website to register for reals, too.
I don’t feel strongly about it, and I don’t even know who would be around to do it since I am not married, have no kids, and have a small family and may very well outlive all or most of my closest relatives.
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In a nod to tradition, I wish to have Amazing Grace performed on bagpipes.
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The live version of Free Bird, from the “Gold & Platinum” album must be played in all it’s fourteen minute-plus Southern fried guitar boogie goodness.
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My casket should be covered with an American flag, as is my right as an honorably discharged veteran.
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A Confederate battle flag should be folded and placed over my heart. Those that knew me will understand. Those that didn’t should not be at the funeral anyway.
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A female soloist should perform a slow, mournful version of Dixie.
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My Druidess should go from the graveside directly to the airport, for her flight to somewhere sunny and warm, where she should spend the rest of her days lying on the beach, being served rum drinks by bare-chested cabana boys.
If my life and death were perfect this is the funeral I would want:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/09/nyregion/09luther.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
Cremated, scatter my ashes in the woods. Then I want my husband to take the insurance money, take a trip to Egypt and write my name on the Great Pyramid at Giza with a Sharpie.
Immortality on the cheap!
Hope he doesn’t get arrested.
Sounds nice but too bad the Great Pyramid has turned in to a huge tourist rip-off. So far, there is nothing on my bucket list that has disappointed me more than Giza.
May have to send him to the Taj Mahal, then. Or Stonehenge.
Some comedian was doing a riff on “what would you like people to say about you at your funeral” and decided he wanted people to say “Hey! He just moved! Hey everybody, I think he’s going to be all right!”
Stonehenge could be a disappointment too - when I went there as a child, in the 1970s, you could walk amongst the stones (and climb on them, etc). Now, it’s roped off in such a way that you don’t really get a better look visiting it than you do just driving past it on the road.
Return of the Jedi funeral pyre. Complete with intact Darth Vader costume. After that, PARTY! I don’t know what to do with the ashes yet though.
For the record I do not want a stripper at my funeral.
I have signed for organ donation. Then cremate me. If that is not possible, (as in my death was of such a nature as to make it not possible) I would like my entire body donated to one of those body farms.
If I am cremated, I want those who wish, to divide up my ashes and take them away. Spread them or store them where they will.
I suppose a memorial service would be held. I have no children. And only ex-lovers. I have many acquaintances who would come if a lunch is provided.
I have some close friends, who would be upset. And a bunch of creditors who will be even more upset. Let them gather and weep their losses as they choose.
If by some chance, I end up in a coffin in a suit, please somebody take that tie off me. The idea of wearing a tie for eternity is very disturbing to me.
(I’m not counting on any of this happening.)
So n
I’ll be cremated not only because that’s what I would want but because no one does differently here in Japan.
I used to want my ashed scatted here on the lawn of the University of Utah Merrill Engineering Building, because it overlooks the valley and enjoys great sunsets over the Great Salt Lake to the west, and here, on ocean at the Daiba Park, but my wife has said she’s not going to do that.
So, I’ll let her decide.
I have asked my son to make sure my phone is in the coffin with me and to ring it during the ceremony.
I have been trying to get a friend to agree to, while looking at my body, suddenly start punching it and then insist, “He started it!”
So they’ll have to pry the phone from your cold dead hands?
I am all for a Irish style wake. Only the finest single malt wiskey is to be served and beer drinkers shall be limited to Guinness in a Tulip Pint glass or Castle Milk Stout. Strippers ( male and female - something for all ) are welcome to attend but they are not expected to entertain. Music would be anything from Lynyrd Skynard, Eric Claption, or Fee Waybill and it must be loud. As the noted party animal, P.J. O’Rouke observed, if it doesn’t kill the birds in the trees and make the dog wet himself, it is not loud enough.
Ms. DrumBum and the progeny are cool so I think I have a reasonably good shot at all of this, with the exception of the strippers.
An alternative service would one like that of Gram Parsons. 