My 39th birthday is quickly approaching, and I got hit by two of these signs this week.
The first one was getting my best friend’s oldest son’s high school graduation announcement. I’m really scratching my head over this, trying to make sense out of it… I mean, I’m positive the kid was just born a couple of years ago, so I don’t see how he can be 17 and graduating high school already.
The second one is more disturbing, though. I recently reconnected with an old friend on Facebook, this girl I went to school with, starting with the fourth grade. She’s a grandmother. We’re only 38 years old, for fuck’s sake! Yeah, yeah, obviously it’s well within the realm of possibility, but Jesus Christ. A grandmother is supposed to be some old lady sitting in a rocker sewing, not some hottie I went to school with! :mad:
I’ve heard that for many males the first hit is realizing that you’re older than the women in Playboy. When it happened to me it wasn’t a big deal. Then again, I never read Playboy.
When you start to understand why your parents eat over the sink, hold something at arm’s length to read it and make a tortured sound when they get up out of a chair.
However it has it’s benefits.
You can sexually harrass young waiters without stirring a ruckus, wink at the mailman and tell him he’s got nice legs, and people let you sit down when you get tired.
According to Wikipedia the average age for Playboy Playmates is 22. I’ll let you know how I’m feeling in three years.
But let me adjust my message for modern times:
“The first milestone is realizing you’re older than the women in the porn you watch.” Most of the porn I watch starts with the cameraman asking the girl how old she is.
During the buildup to the Vancouver Olympics this year, I was surprised that Canada had another Winter Games so soon, since they just had the Calgary games not too long ago. Then I realized that the Calgary games were 22 years ago. I think that remembering something that happened two decades ago as “recent” makes you officially old, doesn’t it?
Buying a couple of those “extendo grabbers”, or whatever they’re called. One for upstairs, and one for downstairs. In the mornings, I’m stiff and clumsy and drop things. I’m also sore and stiff for awhile in the a.m., so bending down to pick stuff up is starting to hurt more and more. The grabber thingies are a godsend.
Yes! 20 years ago, Madonna came out with ‘Vogue’!!! This is deeply troubling, I think “I remember when we went to see that, we were late and we ended up sitting in the first row at the movie theater” - and now, that movie’s on a cable TV station and you are shocked to see it came out 15 or 20 goddam years ago! (Related - I would appreciate it if TCM would NOT show a movie that I personally drove to the mall to see. I don’t quite know why, a classic movie is a classic movie, but a “new” one just doesn’t belong on TCM. I say, give it to AMC, they show any crap they can get their hands on, they should be grateful. In 20 years or so, THEN TCM can show it.)
I had a related weirding-out experience last night.
Dazed and Confusedwas on. It came out in 1993. 17 years ago. The movie takes place in 1976 … 17 years before it came out.
Hard to describe the brain’s reaction. Kind of like someone forgetting to use the clutch.
For more fun, check out the Beloit College Mindset List. It lists all sorts of things that its incoming freshmen class (b. 1991) take for granted. It will be really chilling in a few years when one of the items on the list is: For these students, this Beloit College Mindset List has always existed.
A few examples from this year (follow the above link to check out the whole list and other years too–fun with perspective!):
[ol]
[li]For these students, Martha Graham, Pan American Airways, Michael Landon, Dr. Seuss, Miles Davis, The Dallas Times Herald, Gene Roddenberry, and Freddie Mercury have always been dead.[/li][li]Dan Rostenkowski, Jack Kevorkian, and Mike Tyson have always been felons.[/li][li]The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables.[/li][li]They have never used a card catalog to find a book.[/li][li]Margaret Thatcher has always been a former prime minister.[/li][li]Salsa has always outsold ketchup.[/li][li]Earvin “Magic” Johnson has always been HIV-positive.[/li][li]Tattoos have always been very chic and highly visible.[/li][li]They have been preparing for the arrival of HDTV all their lives.[/li][li]Rap music has always been main stream.[/li][li]Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has always been a flavor choice.[/li][/ol]
