Johnny, your enthusiasm has me thinking of the following Xeroxlore:
A Californian’s Diary of Their First Year Living in the Snow Country
Dec 8 6 p.m. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our Chardonnay and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down over the area. It was beautiful!
Dec 9 We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time and loved it. After I did the sidewalk and driveway the snowplow came along and covered up our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street so I shoveled it again. Great exercise!
Dec 12 The sun melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I’m sure we will get some more in time for Christmas!
Dec 14 It snowed eight inches last night and the temperature dropped below zero. Shoveled the drifting snow then the snowplow came along and threw it back up on the sidewalk again.
Dec 15 Sold the convertible and bought a 4 x 4 Blazer so I can get to work. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car.
Dec 16 Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway.
Dec 17 Still below zero and found that snow tires don’t work too well on the icy roads. Maybe I’ll get the wife a new fender for Xmas!
Dec 20 Had another 14 inches of the white sh__ last night. More shoveling in store for me today because with this freezing weather it probably won’t melt until August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, snow pants, sweaters, jacket, scarf, earmuffs and gloves) then decided I had to go pee first.
Dec 23 I went ice fishing today, but my worms froze. I was afraid the fish would break their teeth on my bait.
Dec 24 If I ever catch the son-of-a-b____ that drives the snowplow I’ll drag him through the snow by his b__s. I think he waits around the corner until I’ve finished shoveling so he can come by at 80 mph and throw the snow up on what used to be my lawn.
Dec 25 Holy White Christmas! They’re predicting 20 more inches on that white sh__ today! Do they know how many shovel fulls that is? To hell with Santa, he doesn’t have to shovel it. The snow plow driver came by asking for a Xmas donation. I hit him over the head with the shovel.
Dec 26 We actually got 28 inches. I’m either going snow blind or have cabin fever because the wife is starting to look good to me.
Dec 27 The toilet froze. If you go outside don’t eat the brown snow.
Dec 28 I set fire to the house so I won’t have to shovel that sh__ off the roof.
Dec 29 Arrested for arson and assaulting the snow plow driver.
Jan 5 Sentenced to 1,000 hours of community service shoveling snow for senior citizens.