Yesterday evening I spotted a pretty girl I had asked out years ago (she had politely turned me down) in my favorite used book store. My blood ran cold and my knees went weak. Clearly to prevent an awkward situation and further bruising to my already fragile self-esteem she had to be avoided at all costs! Luckily, I had spotted her first through a gap in the shelves, thus giving me the strategic advantage.
Drawing upon my many mysterious Ninja skills, I artfully dodged through the isles. I became one with the night, a silent shadow in the non-fiction section. Stealthily, I stalked through the Sci-Fi, crouched behind Crichton and glided past Grafton (“N” is for Ninja, I thought to myself smugly, “M” is for Mysterious!). The girl continued perusing the romance novels, oblivious.
Every move she made I countered with the expertise of a chess master. Concealing my footsteps in the noise of the ventilation-- timing my heartbeat to the silent rhythm of the silverfish nibbling on bookbindings. Suddenly, Horror (or, to be more specific, the horror section)! I found myself cornered, the escape route on which I had been counting on was blocked with a wire display of dog-eared Stephen King novels! She was drawing closer…
Swiftly, I weighed my options. I couldn’t climb the shelves without disturbing all the fragile trinkets (damn you Book Oasis, damn you and all your ceramic camels!!). Braiding an escape rope from the books on tape would work, but I lacked time. I considered slicing open the bean-bag chair in the children’s section with my swiss army knife and concealing myself within the carcass, but the styrofoam dandruff inside would surely betray my position. It was beginning to look like my only way to evade capture (unforgivable dishonor to a Ninja) was to smash the courtesy cookie jar and commit hari-kari with a jagged shard of glass teddy-bear. Luckily, at the last moment, she turned around and purchased her book.
Okay, okay. Maybe I’m being a bit over dramatic. But I can’t be the only person who’s ever spotted somebody they’d rather avoid in a grocery store and did the shelf-y stealth-y thing, right?