Chances are, most of his male co-workers won’t think it’s too sexy. (See futher on in the OP where it’s written:
Yeah… make sure your coffee spills on him. I hate people who just don’t Get It. I was able to navigate 60,000-person crowds at Candlestick when I was a kid, and I wonder why the hell I’m evidently the only person who ever got that lesson. Hell, when I went to NY last year, I though Manhattanites were annoyingly slow, and I wasn’t in tourist areas.
This whole thread gets a 10. You people are funny!
You can’t always count on this. The fuckers can blind-side you. Shit, I’ve been hit while sitting in my chair.
Serves you right for having your chair in the elevator. 
Yeah, when i visit New York i’m always amazed at how many people apparently don’t know how to walk on crowded sidewalks and enter subway cars properly. Sure, a lot of the cattle i run into are probably tourists, but definitely not all of them.
When i’m getting off the subway i just put my shoulder down a bit and move forward. It usually clears the way pretty well.
No nonono Nooooo…see, what you’re SUPPosed to do is (as befits your station of servant to the Ruler of the Universe) is to meekly stay on the elevator and not impede his progress at all, then you go back to the floor you really wanted off at, if and ONLY when he is done with the elevator.
GRRRR…this is also one of my pet peeves. Everyone absent-mindedly does this once in a while (such as our building where the elevator is frequently empty), but most reasonable people excuse themselves and move out of the way as soon as they realize their error.
I’m 6’4". Fuckwit is around 5’8".
Regardless of whether I can make it appear accidental or not, fuckwit will have a full 20 ounces of coffee poured directly onto his noggin the very next time he does this to me. I’ll be sure to let out an obviously facetious “oops” as I deliberately empty the contents of the cup.
Last year Grandma had cataracts surgery. She should have had it 15 years prior, but hey, she finally decided to, Hallellujah. Some research on her daughters’ part found out that the chain of clinics where Lilbro and myself had our Lasik offers reduced prices to people over 65 and to customers of Mom’s cable provider; Grandma had been waffling about maybe having to “borrow some from you girls” but when she heard the price and after recovering from the shock, her next question was “when can I have it?”
Mom went with her, of course. Mom is in much worse health than Grandma; she was in quite a lot of pain. The bus to the clinic was full; the only person who seemed to be below 50 was a guy listening to headphones loud enough to be heard by the rest of the bus. Grandma zeroed on him, took his headphones off and said “you will give your seat to my daughter.” Several people who’d been in the process of offering theirs sat back down laughing.
Being a Little Old Lady hath its privileges, specially when it’s very clear that you’re bossier than a five-star general.
I know all too well about moron elevator etiquette.
The last place I worked, the moron elevators kept not stopping at our floor, so we had very long waits to get out of the office. To add to their rudeness, this happened most often at the end of the workday.
Even a moron-grade elevator should know “call button on floor N has been pushed, I’d better stop there and pick up passengers.” Isn’t that task a major part of the licensing process, never mind etiquette?
Oh - the PEOPLE. Yeah, them too.
You mean this doesn’t just happen where I work? I swear, I’ve never had much of a problem with it before, occasionally someone zones out and enters into a full elevator before anyone can get off, or the mutual squishing that goes on knowing the elevators are slow as death.
But I swear to god, where I work, every.single.time. I get to a floor, someone is plowing into the elevator. I attribute it to the fact these are the same fucktards that think that bringing your kids to drink and gamble is hunky dory. Or arguing the fact that you were not within 50 feet of your child in a place where we have to have ARMED guards and a sheriff AND a paramedic on staff.
Let me off the fucking elevator. Don’t speed in with your little rascal and completely block the doors so we CAN NOT exit. Don’t stop as soon as you enter, turn around and pretend like there aren’t 10 people ready to send swarms of hornets after you.
That “look where you’re going” thing - I think we need Public Service Announcement commercials for that. Heck, for all the current rules of walking in crowded places:
- Look where you’re going.
- Don’t stop suddenly, unless you want to get walked into. Be aware that there might be someone walking right behind you, as the sidewalk is quite crowded.
- People walking in a straight line down the sidewalk/mall have right-of-way over people darting across.
- Look after your children. The crowded downtown sidewalk/mall at Christmas time is NOT the place for your toddler to toddle along, making people dance out of his way as he slowly goes hither and tither, or if he’s learned to run, runs hither and tither.
- In Canada and the U.S., we walk on the right, pass on the left. I see you Chinese immigrants going right back to walking on the left as soon as I force you over to the right by not budging for you; you are not right, and the whole country wrong. YOU ARE WALKING ON THE WRONG SIDE HERE.
- While waiting for your bus on the busy sidewalk, try to imagine that there are people who are still trying to use the sidewalk to get somewhere, and leave a little room for walkers to get through.
- When a huge horde of you all just got off the train together and started walking the same direction en masse, try to imagine that there are people who are still trying to walk the opposite direction, who started on that task long before you got off the train. I will put my shoulder down and let you bounce off of me, if that’s the way it has to go.
I think that’s it for now. Good rant, THespos.
I work in a hospital. Try barging into an elevator without looking and you’re likely to be flattened by a hospital bed rushing out.
When your clean shirt is at home and an idiot spills coffee on you? Shout wipes. They work like a charm, clear the worst of the stain right out.
And then after you get your shirt clean, you can go hunt the idiot down and dump coffee on him to return the favor.
Speaking of stealing phrases…may I?
Just as a note to the people exiting, though. After you’re done exiting, don’t continue your conversation while standing between me and the elevator door. Sure, you no longer need the door to the elevator, but I do. That’s why I’m frantically searching for a path around you. I’m not just some crazy guy proposing engaging you in poor attempt to dance, so stop trying to pretend you don’t see me.
Next time you see him, scream (a la Homer Simpson). I assure you that it will disconcert him so that you may exit the elevator.
Ned Flanders has a better scream.
The Other Side of the Coin
Or, Let Me On The Fucking Elevator, You Fucking Cunt!
My previous job was driving Armored. Picking up from banks and businesses in Downtown Minneapolis.
At one major downtown bank in a public place, I had to take the elevator up to the second floor where the bank was located. Unfortunately, a bunch of Caretakers were in the building with their handicapped kids in wheelchairs.
One of these selfish arrogant assholes decided that it was perfectly acceptable for her to give the kid rides up and down the elevator, with the kid positioned directly in front of the door so that no one else could enter.
Meanwhile, I’m standing there, in the lobby of a major public space, with $196,000 in bills and about $8,000 in coins. And a growing crowd of other people waiting to use the elevator. Big wad of cash, easily visible to everyone near me, a lot of people who don’t get that I’m not liking them being so close and even a few who don’t like that my hand is resting on my gun.
After about 6-7 minutes, I’d finally had enough. I grabbed the door, looked her straight in the eye and said, in a very harsh tone “I do not have time for this shit”. Then I forced my way onto the elevator.
When the door opened for the second floor, dumbfuck tried to ram her kid’s wheelchair THROUGH my two-wheeler loaded with nearly 200 pounds of coin, trying to go through me to get off the elevator. Obviously, it didn’t happen.
Handicapped Child’s Caretaker or not, I’m sure the police would not have given me a second look if I’d pistol whipped her for “attempted robbery” as she tried to plow through my charge. You DO NOT fuck with the guy with a gun and over $200k in cash operating in a public space.