I was eating dinner at a Bennigan’s (shuddup!) about 10 years ago, when they had their brownie-bottom pie on the menu. The waitress was African-American. My brain went into neutral and I ordered the “black-bottom pie”. I wanted to melt into the upholstery and never come back up.
“Pitching a Tent” could be pretty funny too
Of all the gorgeous possibilities to illustrate the meaning of the term, you had to pick one involving Larry David? Ewwww…
Only one I knew of. BTW, the “Black-Bottom Pie” did literally make me LOL.
Not sure if this counts.
Background information: there used to be a Saturday night variety show on TV in Australia that had a character called “Plucka Duck”, a guy in a duck suit that would run around, act like an idiot, give out prizes - that kind of thing.
My five year old nephew loved Pluck Duck but when he got excited had a tendancy to mispronounce things.
At the local shopping mall with my mum & sister one day, nephew was very excited to be there but still behaving well. A very refined looking lady who was serving my sister at the counter asked him “And who do you want to be when you grow up?”
At the top of his lungs - “F*CK A DUCK!”
Working in the office with an attractive dark-skinned woman. I noticed that she had a big smear of ink on her face and blurted out, “You’re black!”
While my head was still spinning with the realisation of what I’d just said, and before I had a chance to explain, she told me, very gently, that she knew that.
I suppose I never really had a chance with her anyway…
I wasn’t mortified so much as amused by this - I had a temp job typing things up for a marketing manager, and he liked to close letters to customers with, “And please continue to tell us how we’re doing” when they complained about something. I mis-typed it one day as, “And please continue to tell us who we’re doing.” I had to go show him, I was laughing so hard. 
Definately a tongue-in chick comment
I used to have a co-worker who looked forward to Ash Wednesday all year. Then when folks came in with their smudges, he would walk around all day saying “So-and-so really showed her ash this morning. . .”
He thought this utterly hilarious. And it was worth a “heh” . . . the first time.
When asked what type of soda I wanted with my burrito at Taco Bell,
I replied in a too loud voice, “Doctor Pecker”.
I got some funny looks and had my colleague laughing his ass off.
When I was 13, I was in Germany visiting relatives. They took us to a festival, where they had rides, etc. There was a shooting gallery. Cheap prizes were attached to sticks of wax; shoot the wax, the prize falls, and its yours. I had just got a new eyeglass prescription and my brain hadn’t quite made the adjustment (my field of view had a distinct fishbowl appearance.). Consequently my mother just shrugged at my attempt to win a post card of a hot nude girl on a beach.
The first shot - I break the wax.
I yell out in German what I thought was “Mom, I shot the naked lady!”
What I actually yelled out was “Mon, I shitted the naked lady!”
The surrounding crowd pretty much roared with laughter; my mother was mortified; my aunt and my cousin were highly amused.
A friend of mine accidentally hit another passenger in the face with his bag as he was getting on the train. He tried to say “Bloody hell, I’m sorry, are you OK?”. What he actually said was “Bloody hell! Are you sorry?”.
In college I went to see Sleeping with the Enemy with a good-looking female friend. Home Alone was playing in the same theatre complex. The ticket-taker looked at my friend and said, “Sleeping Alone?” and then blushed.
Just after graduate school I lived with my girl friend and her female (and very ditzy) fellow organic chemistry phd candidate who was famous for these sorts of mistakes. (It was sort of an inverse Big Bang Theory as I was the less attractive male who lived with two very attractive phd candidates attending Cal Tech)
Anyway there was much excitement in the household when the roommate learned there was a ‘secret’ menu at In N Out Burger so off we went to get a take out dinner. Roommate driving her car, I in the passenger seat we approach the ordering speaker and room mate, anxious to demonstrate her insider knowledge, is prepared to order her burger ‘animal style’ (with grilled onions). Everything goes smoothly until its time for her part of the order when she orders her single burger. She incorrectly responds to the question “How would you like it?” with “Doggy style”.
Which was funny but I think the worst part for her was that we were trapped in the line of vehicles slowly approaching the payment and pickup windows. Room mate could watch as all the workers peered out the window to see which car held the naughty lady and what she looked like. As the driver she didn’t have the option of hiding.
I probably would have come off as a very lucky guy to all the amused and curious employees but I don’t think doubled over with laughter played very cool.
Now your embarrassment can stop: http://www.cookingchanneltv.com/recipes/black-bottom-pie-recipe/index.html
I used to work in my 20s for a boss who was a giant strong Italian older man who didn’t take crap from anyone… not even the CEO of the company! When the CEO came to our department and pointed out a crumpled paper on the floor (which my boss threw). My boss’s response to the CEO, “Well, you saw it first. Why don’t you pick it?” He’s the kind of guy who sticks his chest out and pounds it like Tarzan. He’d never miss the chance to squeeze the crap out of guys hands when he shaked hands. He loved it when they squeal like a little girl. A proud man but he knew his stuff. You wouldn’t wanna cross him or give him BS excuse if you screw up anything. The fairest and best boss I’ve ever had though.
When we went to his favorite Italian restaurant for lunch he’d say, “Fucking Dagos” to some loud young Italian guys wearing white tank-tops. At some point, one of us mumbled “Dago” quietly and he looked at him with fire coming out of his eyes making him nearly pee in his pants… then he looked straight into the now whimpering guy’s eyes and said, “Men, let’s go eat! (He’d call anyone men)” and winked.
Ever since then we would often mumble “Dagos” whenever we went to the restaurant and he’s always make scary face but would crack up and it became something of our thing. Of course we never meant it nor said it loud enough for anyone else to hear.
Well, a some years later I was going to a restaurant, an Italian, with a couple of art school graduate student couples who I was introduced by a friend at a gallery opening night. As we were all walking up stairs to the restaurant there were a couple of loud young Italian guys speaking Italian in white tank-tops just went by us. Guess what I blurted out? Yep, I said it.
“Dagos”.
I didn’t know where and why it came out (Yes I had some wine at the opening and I was talkative). They turned around and said, “What did you just say? Hey, that’s nice…” They were shocked. I was even more shocked. My friend who knew them was mortified. I’m sure my face was as red as it could’ve been. I couldn’t explain my way out of that no matter how much I tried and in the end I just had to stop and look down. It was so awkward eating I nearly choked on grilled calamari. I never met them again after that night… thankfully… and conveniently.
I still cringe every time I think of it. But then I’m a professional slip-of-tonguer. It would be a real thick book to tell all of my social bloopers. I suffer the memory of pretty much every one of them, repeatedly… again and again and again… arghh… At least I feel a little better having just explained this one.
^ Oh, I missed the edit window. I meant they said, “Hey, that’s NOT nice.”
Actually works either way, especially with inflection. Good mortifying story :eek:
Oh, yeah.
Another one is at a party these two sisters asked me which one of them looked like younger sister… Trust me; Never ever answer these types of question! I did. The real younger one started to cry… so much for the nice party. DOH.
The only safe answer is “You’re not twins?”
You’re not alone. I always address your girlfriend as “honey.” 