I was at a bar in St. Catharine’s, Ontario, and a pretty girl from Michigan told me very explicitly just what she’d do to me later on that night.
Then she passed out.
I called the Ontario BBB as soon as I finished my long walk home.
[disclaimer]No, I did not leave her there- the walk home was from her hotel, where she got tucked in and her roommates were alerted. [/disclaimer]
So, I’m not going to get Bigger ba11s and peni$?
Their after-Christmas sales are almost refreshingly honest, by comparison. The prices advertised are ridiculously low, but the quantities are all “limited to supply on hand.” That translates into several hundred geeks lined up outside Fry’s on the 26th, all eager to rush into the store and pick up 512MB USB Flash RAM drives for $10… 
Suzanne Sommers advertizing the Thighmaster. We are supposed to believe that the Thighmaster gave her that body. Yeah, I remember back when she had that enormous cottage cheese ass.
Fry’s is definitely shady, although in their defense, I’ll say that the lack of product on hand may just be a slipshod logistics system.
I worked at an Oshman’s/Sports Authority store a while ago, and every week we’d have sales published in the Sunday paper. Routinely, people’d show up on Sunday to get this great sale deal, only to find that we didn’t have, hadn’t had one of those in months, and had no idea when we were getting one.
Of course they got irate, and rightly so.
The kicker was that almost invariably, the truck with said sale items would show up on oh… Thursday of that week, 3 days before the sale was over. And, because us wage-slaves didn’t get any kind of cargo manifest, just a pile of shit to stock on the shelves, we frequently didn’t get far enough through the pile until the sale was over.
Not our fault, not a bait & switch, but definitely a craptastic way of running things.
If by ‘Bigger’ you mean smaller and ‘ba11s and peni$’ you mean wallet, you most certainly are.
“One size fits all who don’t happen to be nicknamed ‘Refrigerator’.” 
In the dying mall just outside my dying town, there’s a store called Athlete’s Foot. That’s either egregiously false advertising or the one thing that will survive the collapse.
The farm that I camped on the last time I saw Phish at Deer Creek (Camp Timberho!) had a huge sign at the entrance that said, “HOT SHOWERS!”
Friends, there is no colder water in the universe than what came out of those showerheads.
I guess they figured that the Phish crowd wasn’t really into the whole cleanliness thing, and that no one would notice. For the most part, they were right. 
“Eat a Snickers and date supermodels!”
Can anybody help me remember if Keebler’s Club Crackers used to have four stacks of crackers in the box. I recently bought a box and I thought it looked a little smaller in the grocery store, then got home to find only three stacks of wrapped crackers inside.
I have a hunch that manufacturers are shrinking the volume of product in each box and raising the price at the same time.
My deoderant (Dry Idea) now has a sticker on the cap that says “New Look!”. I don’t see anything different except for the sticker; I have a nagging suspicion the bottle is a tad smaller than it used to be.
Not for the sandwiches Sublight spoke of. Those consist of a filling placed diagonally between two square slices of bread. They are cut diagonally to show the filling and wrapped in a transparent package.
Although I used to buy them regularly anyway. It never bothered me because I never assumed the entire sandwich will be filled, unless it’s from an upscale bakery.
“Goes on dry”
Be careful when buying ice cream. The half gallon containers are going away, being replaced with 1.75 quarts. It looks the same size and shape, but you’re paying the same price for less ice cream.
Who cares what your deoderant bottle looks like? 
“Ooooooh, your deoderant bottle looks so cute! Take me, you fiend!”
I got a question like this for my AP Euro class. :smack:
Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Sheets
They don’t have a picture of the actual pastry sheets, on the box. I guess sheets of raw dough would be boring. Instead, they have various pictures of the yummy treats you can make with them. This wouldn’t be a problem if the local grocery store would stock them with the other dough. But they’re stocked with the frozen yummy treats! I’ve witnessed many customers eagerly reach for the chocolate drenched delight, pictured on the box. Only, to have their faces fall with disappointment when they realize, it’s just dough.
Fox News
It is not now, nor has it ever been “fair and balanced.”
and as for Bill O’ providing a “no-spin zone”, if you believe that you’re also probably watching for the Easter Bunny so I won’t take up any more of your time.