“If you have not served in any branch of the Armed Forces, state the reason why:”
“I don’t really remember now. It was either cowardice or treason.”
“Recruiter wouldn’t give me credit for my prior service in the Wehrmacht.”
“Wasn’t asked. Told anyway.”
“I didn’t want to insult any of the other fine services by picking one.”
“I was looking for just a job, not an adventure.”
“I decided I could best serve my country by working undercover rather than in uniform.”
“I knew all my Taliban friends would stop socializing with me if I joined.”
“I had made plans for the weekend.”
“I knew there was no way I would pass the background check and didn’t even bother trying.”
“My identical twin was already serving and I was worried it might just confuse everyone if I enlisted too.”
One application I filled out asked:
Have you ever been arrested or convicted of a crime (misdemeanor or felony)? Yes___ No___
If yes, what crime? ________________
There is no option to indicate that one had been arrested for a crime that they did not commit and was subsequently acquitted or otherwise exonerated. I can only guess that they saw no difference, which is not at all unusual–there is no shortage of stupid people who assume that anyone accused of anything must be guilty.
I wrote, “This question is broken, fix or remove it” in the blank. I didn’t get the job, but I don’t know if that is the reason why.
p.s. Yes, I have been acquitted for a crime that I not only didn’t commit, but which never even happened.
I saw one the other day that had check boxes - “Married (how many years),” “Divorced (how many years),” and “number of children.” :eek:
You could always just say you had other priorities.
“Because camoflauge is SO out of style, and it does nothing for my eyes.”
Darn you MEBuckner - that’s the quote I wanted to use.
Okay, well another great quote is from another true armchair patriot. Tom Delay** claimed that he volunteered for Vietnam, but all the spots were taken up by minorities, so he was not allowed to serve.
Damn that reverse discrimination affirmative action foolishness. :rolleyes:
You could always say you were trying to “maintain [your] political viability.”
Robin
The correct response is to write “JOHHHNNNNYYYY!!!”, you know. 
No good. Some of us did both.
My own story:
When I was interviewing, I was being passed around to various people and there was a applicant folder going along with me (containing resume, schedule etc.). On the front cover in a large font was the warning:
It is against company policy and the law to ask or comment about:
Age
Religion
Marital status
Children
Medical condition
At one point I was with a…let’s call him a crusty old fart, walking between buildings when he puts his hand on my shoulder and says “wait”. We stand in place for several seconds while he admires an an attractive female walking past commenting “that was nice.”
The interview finished about an hour and a half before closing time and I was gathering up my things to drive back into town. The guy asks if he could get a ride to his house and I oblige. On the way in he asks’ “how old are you?”
I reply “twenty seven.”
“Is your bishop mad that you aren’t married yet?”
“Uh…He hasn’t really said.”
My religion was rather obvious since I had graduated from BYU. He wasn’t a Mormon but was married to one at the time.
I was offered and took the job there and my story joined many, many others about the guy.
Because America has not had an enemy badass enough for me to fight
I filled out a job application in the 80s which asked for “weight” and “attach picture” And it was for a mail sorting job… I didn’t attach the picture :dubious:
They weren’t willing to look past my youthful membership in GLBT Vegans for Allah, my summer job as Cindy Sheehan’s road manager, my work with my local chapter of Friends & Supporters of Timothy McVeigh (and I keep telling them it’s the gay one, not the mean one!), or the fact I’m an Aquarius.
al Qaeda were more convincing, and have a better meal plan.
I thought it would get in the way of my heroin distribution career.
Didn’t have a medical issue; didn’t want any new ones.
I’m an illegal immigrant from Eastern Europe.
I have at least four warrants out for my arrest.
Anything goes on Thai job applications. They will ask everything from age and gender to religion and do you smoke or drink. Photo always required. No qualms about discriminating on any point.
I was once asked at a job interview:
Do you have a boyfriend?
Are you sexually active?
Are you looking at getting pregnant any time soon?
I was 20 and applying for a receptionist position.
Not me directly but in a previous job I was essentially a glorified secretary, and had a coworker in the same role who’d been there longer. She was the type who could be smart at times but was definitely a ditz. They were trying to hire a part-time office help person, and had been bringing in candidates to interview and wanted us to talk to them about the job and get our impressions of the candidates. One day I wasn’t there (I think I was ill) and my coworker asked something forbidden which I can’t entirely recall - it was either age, marital status, or if she had children. I’m sure she was just being chatty and not thinking about it. The candidate apparently complained to one of the bosses.
When I got back, one of them told me about it, and obviously showed some blame towards me over it. I asked why, and was essentially told that I was supposed to be a supervisor over her (even though she’d been there years longer) because she was a ditz. Well geez, maybe they should have 1) told me that, 2) paid me supervisor-level pay, 3) told me to go through the official “don’t ask this” questions with her.
And I heard their retirement plan is the bomb.
Scoff! I filled out a different medical questionnaire last week that asked how much salt I have in my diet. Really.
When I was in Singapore several years ago there was an ad in the paper seeking applicants for flight attendants for Singapore Airlines. The requirements were something like:
22-26 years old
Unmarried
Attractive
Slim
Good teeth
Nice complexion