Opal: Yes, I read that lenny Bruce used to shower occasionally with his daughter so she wouldn’t think there was something dirty about the human body.
Myself, I lie down next to my son til he’s almost asleep, then get up and go off and read til I go to bed.
minor, sort of on-topic hijack
Guinastasia, I think a lot of people have a similar misconception of the goals of attachment parenting, but the parents I know who practice AP aren’t doing so with the idea that their children will remain dependent/attached. The basic idea is that by giving your small children what they need as infants/toddlers you will encourage independence, security and confidance as they grow.
I had never heard of AP when we became parents and since our oldest kids pretty much followed the normal patterns, we could do things the normal way. They slept in cribs, weaned fairly early on their own, etc. My youngest, though, was very different. She was extremely needy on an emotional level. She wanted to be held constantly, nursed very frequently, and slept very badly or not at all unless she was with someone. We could have forced her to learn to go to sleep on her own, to learn to be apart from us and that might have benefited us in the short term. I’m glad she wasn’t my first, because that is probably just what I would have done. Having done more reading and having more experience, though, we decided to follow her lead.
Our theory was that if we gave her what she needed as an infant she would grow to be confident and secure and would take the necessary steps away from us because she wanted to. It seems to be working. For the past year or so, she has fallen asleep either being held or lying next to us. We would put her in bed, where she would stay until 11:00, when she would get up and crawl in with us. Recently (she is almost 2 1/2 now) she has asked to be tucked in along with her older sister; the other night she actually asked to go to bed before her. She has been actively trying to get to sleep on her own, in her own bed and she is sometimes succeeding. She has also been coming to our bed later and later. This morning she didn’t join us until 6:00 am. I truly believe that she is more independent now because we let her take those steps on her own, at her own pace, rather than imposing a schedule that we considered appropriate.
/minor hijack
As to the the woman in question, while I know plenty of 3 and 4 year olds who nurse, I don’t personally know any 5 year olds who do. (I do know of some, though.) Most 5 yos will choose to stop on their own. It does sound as though this 5yo had expressed at least some desire to stop, though of course we cannot really know. If I had to make a judgement based on the little evidence we have, I would say that the mother had probably been ignoring his cues that he was ready to take some steps away from her and the sitter was probably putting words in his mouth that satisfied her own opinions. I think this boy was probably getting very strong cues from both women and becuase they are both important in his life he was confused about how to keep them both happy.
I certainly don’t believe that this mother’s actions in any way constitute abuse. Plenty of children are “babied” by their parents in one way or another. There are plenty of 5 yos out there who are still being dressed, having their shoes tied, their zippers done up, their food cut up for them. Perhaps they still drink from plastic cups rather than being trusted with glass. I really don’t see a huge difference between that sort of babying and allowing your child to sleep with you or continue to nurse past the time when he ought to be growing past that need. There are a lot of people out there who, IMO, keep their children tied to the proverbial apron strings far too long. The ideals of AP can certainly be appropriated for that purpose. It is only our cultural bias that automatically assumes that anything that involves our bodies must necessarily be linked to inappropriate/sexual desires.
Folk’s in Chi area with access to WTTW - this evening’s Chicago Tonight will address this case at 7 p.m., rerun at (I believe) 10.
Here’s an update.
http://www.chicago.tribune.com/news/metro/chicago/article/0,2669,ART-48914,FF.html
Sounds like it’s all over but the book deal.