Biological mom and daughter look very much alike! What a heartwarming tale! But! There are some problems: mom left the kid in a… bathroom, ugh. Mom claims to have been “raped.” Are we to find out some decades later that she really wasn’t raped at all? For some people, it’s a ready-made excuse. This young lady, needs to be cautious with new-found-mom, she’s liable to get her heartbroken. She seems so earnest and innocent I just hope it all ends well for her.
Having not been abandoned in a fast food restaurant of course I am incapable of truly understanding how she (the daughter) feels, but frankly had that happened to me, I’d not want anything to do with her (the “mother”).
I think after the time has gone by the daughter may understand that her biological parent was facing hard times and be forgiving. Or it may be that the daughter was obsessed with finding her bio-mom and didn’t consider what kind of emotions might arise. They may find a way to maintain a healthy relationship, or not, it doesn’t matter for the daughter, she still has her real mother who raised her.
What, you find it unlikely a 16 year old woman was raped 27 years ago? Seriously? What’s implausible about that story?
27 years ago some public schools were still expelling girls who turned up pregnant. I don’t approve of abandoning babies in bathrooms (or anywhere else, for that matter) but a frightened 16 year old trying to hide something she was taught was shameful or that she feared unpleasant consequences as a result of it isn’t that much of a reach.
I think you under appreciate the situation of a pregnant, unmarried teen 30 years ago.
Two anecdotes:
When I was in high school (granted, slightly more than 30 years ago) one of my classmates was raped. When she told her parents her father beat her for having premarital sex to the point she wound up in intensive care. Her father was acquitted of assault charges, in other words, he totally got away with almost killing his daughter.
Another classmate wound up pregnant and decided to not only have the kid but stay in school as well. A few dozen parents protested her presence in school. The school board, remarkably, backed the girl up and let her stay in school. She was pushed down the stairs on two occasions, punched several times in the stomach by other students, frequently pelted with objects while going about her business, and when she went to pick up her high school diploma on stage with everyone else there was a cry of “THAT WHORE SHOULDN’T BE HERE!” from the audience.
So yeah, I can totally get a 16 year old girl back then being afraid, hiding her pregnancy, giving birth alone, and then abandoning the kid in a public place to avoid negative consequences from a rape-induced pregnancy, hoping the kid would be found quickly and wind up in a good home.
It’s also quite possible that the woman who adopted her was self-absorbed, entitled bitch who made this child’s life a living hell and finding her biological mother was a last hope for some psychological closure on a very painful part of her life. I have seen plenty of adoptive “parents” completely abandon the children they have raised when those children re-establish contact with their biological families. I think it’s interesting that the people who adopted this woman didn’t bother tell her until she was twelve.
to Broomstick: I hear you. It’s not implausible however it’s not implausible that it didn’t really happen either. People in tough situations do make up lies about their own victimization, it happens often enough. Sometimes it’s how you face others, and perhaps yourself.
Your doubt is in itself proof that she (the Bio-Mom) had reason to hide her condition. You are exactly the sort of person who makes hers an impossible (or at least terrifying) position to be in.
Clearly the bio-Mom did not come from a loving or supportive family. If she had a Mother or Father she could trust to love her unconditionally, she’d never have had to hide the pregnancy in the first place. I’d like to hear more about her story. Imagine the horrible pain she must have been in, having just given birth with no help and no medical care at all. Then walking to the nearest public place where she could be certain the child would be found in time, and the wrenching emotional pain of leaving her there. It’s a horrid, lonely, desperate act, but also an incredibly brave and dedicated one.
As opposed to strangling with the umbilical code and abandoning the body in a trash dumpster? This happened before safe haven laws allowed mothers to leave unwanted babies at fire and police stations without facing arrest. She left the baby inside a building and in a place where there was a very good chance it would be found. That’s better thinking than a lot of traumatized 16 year olds would manage.
Did I say that? What I said was that there is no rational way that abandoning your newborn infant in a Burger King bathroom can be characterized as “brave and dedicated”?
I must note, the entirety of the US was not a hateful place in the deep past. In 1979 a classmate of mine was pregnant, stayed to school, carried the child to term. She was even in the Homecoming court. I never heard anyone ever give her any shit. Not even snickering amongst my (male) friends.
ZPG Zealot was giving you a comparison. Weighing the other options available to her at the time, what she did was commendable by comparison. She was between a rock and a hard place and you’re asking, “why didn’t she choose the pillow?”
Scenario 1: It’s 1985, teen girl has sex with boyfriend, gets pregnant and is afraid of her parent’s reaction. She abandons her child somewhere.
Scenario 2: It’s 1985, teen girl is raped, gets pregnant and is afraid of her parent’s reaction. She abandons her child somewhere.
Now, there are real documented cases of scenario 2 but they are vastly over-represented in the popular imagination simply because it’s a more ‘interesting’ story than scenario 1. In fact, these stories tend to circulate like urban myths, propagated by the media. A girl in scenario 2 is simply more sympathetic and she could be the heroine of a Lifetime movie.
In my experience the first part of your statement is an unusual occurence. Adopted children frequently have difficulties, but I think it’s rarely the fault of the parents.
The second part of your statement is something I’ve never heard of. I can’t imagine the idea of parents abandoning the child they raised because that child sought out their biological relatives.
The third part about waiting until age 12 is not that unusual, and perhaps a tough decision to make for these parents in light of these unusual circumstances. When children are told of their adoptions they will start asking questions, and many of them have answers that shouldn’t be revealed until a child is older.
If you’re going to bring “statistics” into the claim, then cite that Scenario 1 is “100x more likely”.
Otherwise, it’s just your WAG.
Given that I personally have met or known 4 girls who fell under Scenario 2, but none who fell under Scenario 1, I hereby proclaim that Scenario 2 is infinity times more likely.
It’s stated factually in the article “she was raped.” Not “claimed” or anything else. Why is it so hard to believe that she was raped? And it has been decades since she was raped- I suppose the bio dad could appear now and say he didn’t do it, but for all we know he doesn’t even remember, has moved, is dead, doesn’t read the news, who knows.
If the daughter wants to forgive her biological mother then that’s nobody’s business but her own. I think it’s great that her adoptive parents are supportive and that they all understand that her biological mother was in an incredibly difficult position.
Teenage girls (and teenagers in general) are not known for their excellent critical thinking skills and she may have feared arrest if she tried to leave her baby at a police station, hospital, etc. And she may actually have been arrested if she had done that if this was before safe haven laws. Choosing a public place is the next best option if she felt that she could not be truthful with her family about what happened. It sucks, but this is what happened and they’re all working to move past it. Why should anyone else care or judge?
