Motherfucking minirants

The BBQ Pit
41

[QUOTE=whiterabbit]
And on a more minirant note, fuck you parade organizers. This is a small town. This was a small parade. There was no reason for there to be ten-minute streches of absolutely fucking nothing in between the few groups that you had in the parade. I can understand the delay before the sheep, because sheep have to be herded and are stupid, but why the rest of the delays? My back is really pissed off at me now. (The theme of the weekend was sheep. Sounds weird, but it makes sense. Used to be lots of money from sheep around here.)
[/QUOTE]

As someone who has been in a lot of parades, from my small hometown to Chinese New Year in San Fransisco, that’s how parades work. Yeah, everyone could just speed by, but no one wants to watch that. Walking groups will walk casually, vehicles will cruise by, people hand out things to the crowds, etc. It takes time, and always develops into what feels like stop-and-go traffic.

42

[QUOTE=El_Kabong]
Er, because people have to herded and are stupid?
[/QUOTE]

Not as stupid as the sheep!

I totally understand groups stopping to perform little bits on their way down the street, but why would they do that and then stop for five minutes and then keep going? And the group that’s six blocks behind them does the same thing? Bad parade organizers, bad!

I admit I’ve been spoiled on parades after a previous two years in the New Orleans area, where parade-throwing is a science, but this one was really way unnecessarily slow; one group would go by and the next one was so far up the street they were invisible. And that went on for the whole thing. I’ve seen slow parades before. This one was glacial.

Except for the sheep, which were really running. Stupid sheep.

43

Ok, so I don’t like to use bad words. Maybe someone else can make this a bit more colorful for me.

Damn the Evil Legs of Doom to Hell forever!

Yes, I’m talking about you, Restless Leg Syndrome. :mad:

44

Damn the Evil Legs of Doom to Hell forever!
How’s that? :smiley:

Are you eating your bananas, vitamin C, and calcium daily? My legs get jumpy after I miss a banana or two.

45

Dear Old Bat on the Tube:

No lie, when people get on a crowded train they look for a place to sit. Before I did, though, I looked around to see if anyone needed the seat more than I did. So I saw you and offered it to you, and what do I get? “No, if you’re in such a hurry to sit down, you have it.” WTF did I do to deserve that?

46

We as Dopers pride ourselves in being more intelligent and more clever than the rest of the world. So along those lines let us drop the use of cow-orker. It wasn’t that clever 10 years ago and age hasn’t made it more so.

Keeping in that theme, although I am not a fan of the current administration, referring to President Bush as Shrub is not the least bit clever. It reduces you to elementary-school insults. If you must be juvenile, perhaps you could get more creative and just call him Mr. PoopyPants. Seriously, any intelligent point you might have had loses its impact when you start by making fun of the man’s name. Pretend you have the class and intelligence that we at the Dope love to pride ourselves on having.

47

Oh, good. I’ve been seething about this Monday-Thursday and on game days since August.
A Very Special FUCK YOU to the parents of 7-8-9 year old football who complain incessently about their boy not playing enough. Yes, it is just YOUR BOY who is being singled out. Never mind the other 25+ boys on the side lines at any given time when the CHOSEN ELEVEN are out there on the Feild of Dreams under the GOLDEN SUNBEAMS OF GLORY!!!11!!!

Every boy is guaranteed X amount of playing time. That is the only guarantee you get.

It would also help that your boy has as much body fat on him as a skinless breast of chicken and comes up to my son’s midsection in height. ( My son, who outweighs your son by 50 pounds, has had maybe one or two more plays that your puny runt, m’kay. He’s been on the sidelines more than other kids his size because the entire football thingie hasn’t clicked in his head yet. He’s very strong and very willing. But brain-body communication just ain’t there yet.) D’ya see me bitching on the sidelines like some drunk bitter dockside whore about how unfair the coaches are and how they make the little boys cry and they are mean, mean men.
No they are not. I know one of the four coaches personally and he puts his entire fucking spirit into this team. I’ve never heard him say anything vicious to a child in the 5+ years I’ve know him. He is one of my husbands man-brides or man-husbands. They are a cute couple. ( I will give you that one of the other coaches has a potty mouth around kids, and I agree, this is not acceptable. It has been brought up by the other coaches to him and he is working on it.) oh, and like your kids have never heard a FUCK! SHIT! YOU ASSHOLE! around your vestal virgin house, huh.

Don’t cry me a fucking river about how mean these men are to your precious baby boy. It’s football, not a tea party. Jesus fucking Christ, do you think they are singling out your sweet liddle precious just to fuck with his mind?

Yeah, he is your only boy. Guess what. Mine is my only boy too, you douche. I’m trying my damndest not to turn him into some prancing nancy boy we do like our showtunes around here. or worse, someone who cannot handle all the slings and arrows of life because mommy held him too closesly to her breastses in fear of him being hurt by something other than THE PERFECT EXPERIENCE.

Might I point out, that the team is 1-5 now. If we didn’t have Dakota on our team, we would never have a score on the board. Dakota, who got injured in the 2nd quarter of the 2nd game and sat out, but came back in the 4th to score two fucking touchdowns himself. If anything, you, me and all the other parents should carry Dakota’s mom about on our shoulders every week as a thank you for birthing our only touch downs and conversion points.
This is why I sit there knitting* on the sidelines. I knit so I don’t stab people.

*And I gots a scarf to show for my efforts for ignoring you asshats. My first cabled scarf. Took me three weeks of football practice, lotsa froggin from getting distracted by the parental bitching. What do you asshole parents have? NOTHING but your OVERINFLATED SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. Wrap that around your neck, bub.

Thank you, and STFU.

48

[QUOTE=Khadaji]
We as Dopers pride ourselves in being more intelligent and more clever than the rest of the world. So along those lines let us drop the use of cow-orker. It wasn’t that clever 10 years ago and age hasn’t made it more so.

Keeping in that theme, although I am not a fan of the current administration, referring to President Bush as Shrub is not the least bit clever. It reduces you to elementary-school insults. If you must be juvenile, perhaps you could get more creative and just call him Mr. PoopyPants. Seriously, any intelligent point you might have had loses its impact when you start by making fun of the man’s name. Pretend you have the class and intelligence that we at the Dope love to pride ourselves on having.
[/QUOTE]

Along the same line, if you have a “He’s not my president” bumper sticker on your car and you are actually a US citizen, then take it the fuck off. That kind of shit was childish when people did it under Clinton, and it is childish now.

49

[QUOTE=howye]
Along the same line, if you have a “He’s not my president” bumper sticker on your car and you are actually a US citizen, then take it the fuck off. That kind of shit was childish when people did it under Clinton, and it is childish now.
[/QUOTE]

People childish about politics?

Unpossible.

Don’t blame me, I voted for Dave Barry.

50

Fuck the fact that I have nothing to rant about and therefore cannot constructively contribute to this thread. Now I feel like a cunt rubbing everyone else’s face in the fact that my life is so wonderful.

:stuck_out_tongue:

Okay, actually I want to say fuck singledom - the last time I had a relationship that lasted longer than three dates was seven years ago - SEVEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!

But other than that things are good. Well, good enough.

51

Fuck you people responsible for Elizabeth: The Golden Age. What a screaming piece of shit, someone go cut Clive Owen’s face off. What the fuck was that even about? Hey everyone, let’s make a lame sequel to Elizabeth, and this time we’ll use assfucked natural sound so no one in the theater can hear what the fuck is going on. We’ll couple said assfuckery with long still shots of Cate Blanchett posing near random shit from the 1500s. Good idea!

And what a totally shitass treatment of the Spanish Armada. Sumptuous costumes? Fuck you. I want swords, explosions. What the unholy fuck is going on over there?

52

Shirley, it might warm your heart a bit to know that when the boys make it to high level competitive baseball in Calgary, the coaches refuse to draft players based on how big a pain in the ass the parents are. Their entitled whining gets them nowhere. :smiley:

Another temp agency rant - I’m supposed to go on two interview today for temporary positions. One is a four week position (I’m actually ranting about the companies this time, not the temp agencies). The reason I interviewed with the temp agency was so that they could find me jobs, and I wouldn’t have to do this stupid interview dog-and-pony show with every pissant job that comes along. It’s called PRE-SCREENING; you pay A LOT of money to temp agencies to do this for you, and then you still make me jump through hoops? Idiots. “Well, our data entry position has a potential to go permanent, so we want to make sure that we’re getting primo grade one temp meat for it.” It’s data entry. If I show up each day and poke away at keys, you’re getting your money’s worth. If I don’t kill someone out of sheer boredom, you’re getting a bonus.

53

Fucking stupid Sunday afternoon football games that screw up the schedule for the rest of the day. What’s the point of setting my DVR to record shows on Sundays when every damn week everything runs late, so I get the last 20 minutes of Cold Case and don’t get the last 20 minutes of Shark?

Why can’t they just schedule more time for the games and have some filler material available for the few times the games actually don’t run so damn long? It’s not like this only happens once or twice during the season; you’d think after a few years of this the idiots in programming would get their heads out of their asses and realize that there are people who actually watch something other than football.

54

[QUOTE=LurkMeister]
Why can’t they just schedule more time for the games and have some filler material available for the few times the games actually don’t run so damn long? It’s not like this only happens once or twice during the season; you’d think after a few years of this the idiots in programming would get their heads out of their asses and realize that there are people who actually watch something other than football.
[/QUOTE]

After fucking over Futurama for so long Fox finally did this from 7 to 8 so that the Sunday cartoon block starts at 8 every week. I’m truly enjoying it.

55

Fuck you, frumpy twat in the fourth row booth. It’s a poetry slam, those of us that read, (including your pretentious, cheap wine-swilling snotbag of a friend, might I add) do so because we’re sharing our art and some of us (heaven forbid) have something to say. The LEAST you could do is stop texting, chatting with your idiot boothmates and WATCH THE FUCKING POETS. It’s common courtesy, you boil-ridden slag.

56

[QUOTE=featherlou]
Shirley, it might warm your heart a bit to know that when the boys make it to high level competitive baseball in Calgary, the coaches refuse to draft players based on how big a pain in the ass the parents are. Their entitled whining gets them nowhere. :smiley:

[/QUOTE]

That is excellent. Too bad it seems to be the reverse here.
Nuke 'em from outerspace, that’s what I say!

57

Fuck Canon and other Japanese Manufacturers. Sure, your products are top notch, but put your GOD DAMN manuals on line. It’s really great to have to sift through dozens of pages of Google results that have fly by night vendors selling toner cartridges, only to find some rip-off podunk third party website that SELLS manuals. This is the year 2007, so pull your head out of your ass and put the goddamn manual on line. Or at least, explain how to replace the damn toner cartridge in the FAQ. Fucking idiots, have you ever thought about customer satisfaction issues?

58

My back is out again. Dang stupid lame painful back. again. It had better not do the 10 day marathon it gave me last time.

59

Fuck you, Snake.

I coach vball. I coach your daughter. She’s on the upper level of pretty ok, but she’s no star. STOP WITH THE MACHIAVELLIAN MACHINATIONS. You make me feel dirty when you talk to me in your ‘evil whisper of doom, but really I’m just trying to be helpful’ voice.

You’re not the coach.

You’re never going to be the coach.

You’re *not *my friend.

You’re NEVER going to convince me that your way is any thing but destructive for little girls.

I’M NEVER GOING TO SPLIT THE GIRLS INTO A AND B TEAMS, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY.

You’ve tried for years, you tried to get me replaced, you’ve tried to get other coaches replaced, you try to have the high school coach support you and your ideas, you’ve tried everything your black heart to get your way.

And none of it has worked. Nor will it. Ever.

Last time you tried to coach over me during a game, ( A new phenomena, you must be getting desperate) and I turned around, glared and said, “You know, I can sit down.” I meant it. You know me, you know what I am like, you know I don’t put up with bullshit, especially not from you. I will call you on it every single time.

Next time you try to coach over me, I’ll have your ass kicked out of the gym. Try me, bitch.

Your little girl voice, your sweetness and light fools no one. Everybody knows *exactly *what kind of person you are.

I’m surprised you haven’t wrecked your kids yet, honestly.

But me and my teams did pretty well this weekend, didn’t we?

That is better than any “fuck you” I could ever say.

60

A hearty fuck you to the posters that breath life into Zombie threads. Start a new thread and link to the old. Why is that so fucking hard to understand.

I hate clicking on a thread and start reading and I am two pages in before I see that the thread is a fucking year older or more.

Stop it already. Fuck.