Never mind the trampling (although free-range toddlers in crowded shopping malls is truly a pain in the ass); what about the parking lots? Have these parents not SEEN how people drive in parking lots?
My rant du jour is the NLL for cancelling the entire lacrosse season. Big, fat, smelly wankers. I don’t know who’s to blame, greedy players or asshole owners (probably a combination of the two), but my husband and I agree that it will probably kill the NLL, just as it was starting to pick up steam. So, no fun, fast, and furious lacrosse games for us this winter. Bah.
Now that I’ve got the main rant out of my system in MPSIMS, I can afford a couple of mini ones.
Would they please salvage what can be salvaged from my fiance’s former apartment building, tear the thing down, and have done with it? It’s been 18 days since the fire and, while we’ve had very little rain since then, that can’t keep up. More to the point, my fiance won’t know what can be salvaged until they do, which means he’s going to be cranky, and I have to live with him! This has gone on long enough and it really has been a strain.
Speaking of which, it’s October. The nights are getting cool. Is it really necessary for him to run the airconditioner every night? You’ll find me shivering under the blanket, contemplating the electric bill.
Fuck you squash partner for not turning up for our game and for not even calling me - and fuck you for ignoring me when I rang you to find out where you were! Fuck you also for lumbering me with the cost of hiring the court because you didn’t turn up and I couldn’t cancel it. Fucker!
Verizon, why the fuck is my phone so wonky??? It will sometime ring with the ringtone I selected, Sometimes a different one. Sometimes with no tone at all.
Speaking of the last condition, when I try to retrieve voice mail, why the fuck am I getting a busy signal? What’d you do, put your entire customer base on the same answering machine? I thought this was supposed to be JUST ME. And when I am able to retrieve voice mail, why do I get messages I deleted weeks ago? And why does the computer voice TELL me they’re deleted but play them anyway? I don’t want the goddamned messages anymore. That’s why I deleted them. I’m not going to change my mind and suddenly want a message from a month ago that I forgot about the moment I deleted it.
And worse, I saw a few weeks ago a mother walking about thirty feet in front of her six year old, who was pushing the baby stroller. The toddler was another fifty feet behind them.
But that’s okay. Mom apparently had a very important conversation to attend to. After all, nothing bad ever happens at the zoo. Next to the train tracks.
I’ve got one for ya. We were camping in Yosemite this past weekend. Mrs. WeHaveCookies (the cute one in the glasses…not the oaf in the sunglasses, which would be me) and I rode our bikes around the paths on the valley floor for a few hours on Sunday. We came to a particularly crowded intersection with bikes and people and trash cans, when a family of 5 (also all on individual bikes) hit the same intersection from the trail on the left. Dad comes through first, one hand on the cell phone to his ear, yammering away, and one hand on his handlebars. He’s heading to the fork to his left. Next comes his wife and two 'tweenie spawn, a bit wobbly with the front wheels, but they at least all had both hands on their handlebars.
At this exact moment, Mrs. WeHaveCookies and I enter the intersection wanting to turn to the left (down the path that the family of 5 just came from), and the Mom yells to the Dad that he’s going the wrong way, as she and the two wobbly 'tweenies turn down the path where we had just come from. We experience a split second of relief that we didn’t crash into any of them when the third, youngest child is suddenly right in front of us, bringing up the rear, veering all over the path with a look of sheer panic on his face.
We both missed him by a few inches, and I might’ve yelled some obscenities over my shoulder that included “fucking cell phone” and “watch your damn kid”.
Don’t know if this is “mini” but I’ll rant about it here anyway.
My principal visited my class this afternoon at 2:15. Normal event. She checked out what the kids were working on, chatted with a few of them, then beckoned me aside and said, “Stop in my office before you leave, I have a parent issue to discuss with you.”
High alert! My first thought: “It’s fucking Friday afternoon–the one day of the week when we can skedaddle after the last bus is called!” Second thought: “I can’t think of a single parent I might have pissed off recently, so if some shit is coming my way, I haven’t seen it coming.”
Anyway, I sat down in her office at 3:15 and she informed me that one of my students is apparently living with a registered sex offender. The mother of one of my sweet little 10-year old darlings has taken on a convicted raper of (at least one) underaged girl as her beau of choice. What a mother! Can’t be content with making poor choices for herself, she has to put her daughter at risk too! Mrs. Principal handed me the print-out of his profile, picture, and convictions; warned me to sound the alarm if he shows up at school, and wished me a happy weekend.
Yeah, like I’m going to sleep soundly now thinking of “Mariah” spending quality time this weekend with Mom and Mr. Wonderful. I thought of putting a roll-eyes smiley here, but there are not enough smileys on the whole internet to express my disgust, my anger and my fear for my student.
You know, if I have my head in a book, it might mean something like… I want to read? It does NOT mean that I’m ready to entertain all the stupid jerks who can’t stand the company of their own thoughts long enough to sit quietly for 15-20 minutes in the waiting area. Yeah, that means you, you dried up, lacquer-headed, talon-bearing harpy. I don’t give a shit why you’re here, what happened to your tire, why Joe Torre left the Skanks, and what your hairdresser said about the weather this weekend. And don’t get pissy and sarcastic when I answer you as minimally as possible - you’re the one interrupting me. Silly old bint.
To old workmate: I am really sorry you got into such a mess with our former boss - I had issues with him too - but there is no fucking way I can testify in your lawsuit about what you did with certain company checks, because I never heard his side of the phone conversations. Yeah, he probably did tell you to do some stupid shit, I wouldn’t put it past him, but I can’t stick my neck out for you on this. Sorry. Oh, by the way, would you please get a new cordless phone? I’m tired of having to ask you to repeat yourself because you sound like you’re wasted or under water.
Oh, it’s been reported. The county sheriffs have been notified. The mother’s residence is in proximity to a school (mine) AND a day care facility. (Not to mention the creep’s proximity to her daughter’s bedroom.) I thought registered sex offenders were prohibited from living within* X* feet of such places. Sorry, no cite for that.
I’m a bystander at this point–hoping the system will remove him to another location and hoping Mommy Dearest will choose her kid’s safety over her own desire for a bedmate.
Fuck the store that had a two-hour class that actually consisted of one hour of instruction and one hour or shopping expensive kits that I couldn’t afford. And charging $50 for the “privilege” or said class/shopping.
Fuck the stores elsewhere in the country that charged $10 for the same experience.
(I found out about the whole thing too late to cancel.)
Fuck me for going and getting mad about the whole thing anyway.
I got a new book last Thursday and decided to go down to the pub and get a bite to eat and a couple of beers and read. The woman next decided that meant: Please spill your guts. She was divorced twice, three girls, big accident in 03 and on and on.
I know some people are lonely. But I just wanted to read my new book and have a beer. (I confess it. I’m a pig. If she had been way hotter I would have been more interested in chatting her up.)
Why the fuck are there no adventure opportunities for young hard-working men who want to see the world without signing their life away?!
Study abroad through my Masters Degree? Can’t find a sponsor, and I sure as hell can’t afford it without one.
Green Peace? Too many hippies, too much Africa.
Army/Navy/Marines/Air Force? Nope, if I decide it isn’t for me in a year, they shoot me/put me in the brig for deserting.
I mean, how the heck ARE people supposed to get world-view experience and live to tell about it? Dammit I got a lot of free time and energy here, and I’m not too picky about location. Work with me.
Good lord I can not even imagine having a cube mate.
It was bad enough when I was kicked out of my private office to make room for our new implementation supervisor, that is now my boss, and was placed in a cube but holy hell I can’t imagine having to share a cube with someone.
The conversations I hear over the walls is bad enough.
This reminds me…
Bob grow a fucking back bone. I know that since you are in your later years in life and you have been married to your wife for most of your life I am sure it is impossible now to change but for the love of god would you please tell her to quit calling you every five fucking minutes.
I know she has some health issues but I am tired of hearing your office phone ring every five minutes and you speaking with her about some stupid issue at home like the time she could not find her underwear.
When she can’t reach you at your desk she calls your cell, if she can’t reach you then because you are outside having a cigarette, which you hide from her because she will leave you if she knew, she pages your ass over and over again.
How the hell do you even take a leak with out her calling you and wanting to listen in?
You are a really nice guy but your wife is a crazy fucking loon!
I have never met anyone that is in your age range that has such wacky family drama going on.
Also, I am sort of pissed that you did not even attempt to contribute to our bosses “boss day” bouquet. We know you are low on funds because you discuss your money issues all the time with your wife, daughter, son, BIL, and SIL over the phone but a couple bucks would have helped.
Oh and while I am at it you still owe me two dollars that you bummed from me a year ago.
