I think that said it perfectly, Scotti.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
My mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer the day my oldest child was born (9 years ago this September), and died 16 days later. Oddly enough, this sad juxtaposition of events gave me an insight which offered a small bit of comfort to me.
Before I became a mother myself, probably the most painful thing that I could imagine happening would be to lose my mother. As soon as my son was born, though, and with thoughts of death in my head, it instantly became a certainty to me that as tragic as my parents’ death would be, it would be even more tragic to lose my child. I was then able to marvel at my mother’s resilience in having been able to survive the loss of my older sister Cathy (who died at the age of 15 of a pediatric brain tumor some 21 years earlier.)
As awful as the loss of a parent is, we all know that, realistically, it is something we will have to face at some time or another due to the fact that they are older than we are. With luck, they will have had time to accomplish some of the things they wanted to accomplish in life. (And I would guess that having raised a kind and caring daughter like you is the culmination of one of her most heartfelt goals.) The loss of your child, though, whom you expect to carry on after you have gone, though, just seems so very wrong and tragic.
My parents have always sacrificed and done their best for their children, and they have rarely, if ever, asked for anything in return. (Our love and respect was offered freely without asking.) I honestly think that my mother would have done anything within her power to protect her children from pain and suffering. Ironically, her death created the greatest and most lingering pain I have ever suffered. However, as great as my pain is, I know that the pain she would have suffered had she had to bear the loss of another child would be far greater than any pain I would suffer at her loss. So, even though I had no choice in the matter, I still think of that as my final gift to her. As a surviving child, it helps give me peace to know that I willingly bear the pain of her loss, knowing that in that way I am giving to her the one thing that would mean the most to her — to be spared the pain of seeing another of her children die.
Those of us who were fortunate enough to have good parents are SO VERY BLESSED ---- even if the time we were allowed to have them was far too brief. I still feel cheated by her loss sometimes, and I know that you must, too — but when I consider what a terrific mother I was allowed to have, while I have witnessed other people who have had such losers as parents, it helps to put things into perspective (a little).
Wishing you peace in this painful time ----
Lib
