Why I dread mothers day

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My mom had a terrific sense of humor. I really enjoyed picking out cards for her on mom’s day etc., finding that one especially annoying one (favorite was one that said “who taught me to always carry a handkerchief? who taught me to wear my galoshes in the rain? who taught me not to use bad language” opened up to see a character standing in a puddle, using their sleeve across their nose and saying ‘no one, but you sure as @#@*# tried real hard!’)

May, 1984, I’m 2 weeks overdue, asking my doctor ‘ok, so we missed Easter, am I gonna be a mom by mothers day?’ and he promised me that I would. Gave birth, but we were still in the hospital on Mothers day, mom was staying at my place, so wasn’t really able to ‘celebrate’ us both being moms, figured, well, next year will be better.

September 1984, visited dad while he was in the hospital, mom was chuckling about my son - he’d get on his hands and knees and rock back and forth like he wanted to crawl, but couldn’t figure it out yet (4 months old ya know), mom cackling that she wouldn’t be able to talk to her best friend Mary 'cause Mary’s grandson Patrick, who was (ahem) 9 months old, wasn’t crawling yet. Oh, what am I to do??? she chuckled.

Mom died two days later.

I miss being able to tell her Ben’s exploits. She would have really appreciated him.

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Very nice, wring, very nice. Thank you.

3

My dearest wring.

I had intended to bypass posting to any Mother’s Day threads, mostly because I am sure that EVERYONE around here is sick and tired of hearing about how wonderful my mom was, and how much I miss her, and how much I mourn her. I get the distinct impression from people in my physically present world that I should just “get over it” and shut up about it already. So, I have…well, mostly anyway.

However…my mom died in early May four years ago. We buried her on Friday, had her memorial service on Saturday, and Sunday was Mother’s Day. Sort of a triple whammy.

My mother gave me her values, but we didn’t always agree on how to express them, or on how to act on them. She taught me to love, but we didn’t always agree on what that meant. Now that she is gone, I realize how very much her beliefs and thoughts on things shaped the way I approach my life. She loved totally, and completely, and without judgement. She gave because she LOVED, not because she thought it was a duty. If that love wasn’t returned, she accepted it and realized that loving someone is what it is. It is NOT something you do to be loved back, it is something you do because…YOU LOVE! That’s it, no expectation of return, no “well, I did this for YOU because I love you, so what are you going to do for me?”

I know I have already said this here, (ad nauseum, I am sure some would say) but she was really something else. Someone WONDERFUL.

I don’t hate Mother’s Day, I embrace it. I make myself obnoxious, telling anyone who brings up the subject that they should embrace their mom, no matter HOW many differences they have. Love her, just LOVE her. She will not always be here, and when she is gone you will know that you allowed her the only thing she ever wanted…to be part of your soul. You don’t have to agree, you just have to love.

My mom is part of me, and she will NEVER be forgotten because who I am is because of who she was and how she loved me. What she taught me, the wise things she told me when I had troubles.

Okay, now about my mom’s sense of humor.

I used to go through the card section, too. Looking for the right one. One time I found this card with a cute little purple monster on the front…the script read “Happy Mothers Day…” Inside it said, "From Your Little Monster! I swear to you, she must have showed that stupid card to every person she knew…she carried it to church in her Bible…she brought it out every time she could.

I loved her, wring. Totally, and completely and without reservation. The same way you loved your mother, I think. The hurt never goes away…time passes, and it shrinks into a small part of your soul that will NEVER go away. It expands when you need it, then retreats to it’s home when you don’t.

Your mom, and mine? They will NEVER leave us. They are here every day of our lives. They live on in the things they taught us, how they shaped the people we became, the way we remember the things they said to us and did for us and lived through with us. The unconditional love they felt for us, the love that they want us to show to others.

So, Mother’s Day?

My mother may not be HERE to hold me, but she holds me nonetheless. And I hold her. In my heart.

Another long, rambling post by Scotti. For those of you who are sick of hearing about this, please forgive me.

Much Love, wring.

Scotti

4

Holidays like this can be so bittersweet for some. I’m sorry about that, wring.

I was picking out cards for my husband’s grandmother (one from us, one from Cranky Jr.) and I realized what a bummer it was that I don’t have any grandmas of my own anymore to send a card to.

Cranky Jr. was born the day before Mother’s Day, and like in your case, we were both in the hospital still. The nurses made me a card from him, with a polaroid of his little goofy smooshed newborn face, and cute little stickers all over it.

Since then I’ve seemed to develop a track record of deaths in the family on Mother’s Day weekend. That one, therefore, remains the best yet. I am sure they will get better.

5

Sweeties, anyone who gives either of you a hard time because of your wishing for your moms, I PROMISE to get medieval up side their heads!

Aside to Scotti: ‘another long, rambling post by Scotti’??? Huh?? Whoever gave you that idea, honey, needs THEIR heads examined by some competent therapist, don’t let THEIR bad taste and bad judgment rule what you do.

{{{{{{{{{{wring, and Scotti}}}}}}}}}}}}}} from a mom who loves being one, and aches to live up to the descriptions you both have written about your own moms.

Judy

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Oh, jeez, folks, thanks so much for this thread. I mean it. I cried when I got to the end of it - I’ve lost two grandmothers since November and that they aren’t around for mother’s day hadn’t really hit me 'til then. (There have been remarriages, so I actually still have one grandmother left…thank you, gods great and small).

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Dearest Judy-

You are an oasis of sanity in my life, in case you didn’t know it?

And…you are one of the best moms I know.

I love you, Judy. Thank you.

Scotti

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Scotti, that was absolutely beautiful. None of your posts about your mom ramble.

Mother’s Day sucks for me because television and the media in general wax so poetic about the joy of motherhood and family and show so much sweetness and light that I find myself becoming a hermit for a week. Mother’s Day, along with Thanksgiving (the holiday closest to the anniversary of his death) serves as a reminder that although I do have a son, I will not be served a bad breakfast in bed; I will not open a misshapen ashtray (do kids even do that anymore?) or two small handprints in plaster of Paris. There are no school pictures on the walls at my house, just a photo of him taken in his stroller when he was a few days old next to a picture of his headstone with dates that are thirty-nine days apart.

Sorry if this seems a little (OK, a lot) maudlin.

Robin

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My mother doesn’t like Mother’s Day. So every year I congratulate her on having had sex and am one of like three people I know who doesn’t have to go out and buy a card or whatever.

So on occasion I’ll have to explain that my mother doesn’t like it, and why she doesn’t like it, and how I’m not lying or avoiding respondibility. And the occasional uber-feminine person will just walk off in a huff and look back in disgust as I spend Sunday playing games on the computer.

Commercialization can be fun. It can also be unfun.

{Scotti, wring and MsRobyn}

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Oh, RobynBaby…

I am so sorry. I share your grief, although in a different way. I always wanted to have children, and it just wasn’t (apparently} meant to be. And, I think I would have made a GOOD mom, I really think so.

Honey…I am so sorry. I can’t do anything to help, I know. But…I send you prayers that you will find your child soon. He or she is there, you will find your child.

(((((Robyn))))

Scotti

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Mother’s Day here in New Zealand is just two days away.

Advertisements and cheery promotions for that day are like someone scraping sandpaper across my soul. I can’t spoil my Mum anymore because she’s dead. I can’t show her the stuff I’m doing now, the history book she always said I should write, because she’s dead. It f******g hurts (asterisks here because of the forum. Hope it doesn’t offend).

Soon as my damn ISP takes their Mother’s Day promo off the homepage, I’ll start to feel better.

See, I didn’t just go all out to make my Mum feel special on one lousy day in the year. I would do it every day. 'Cause she made me feel special and wanted every day. And on the one day I should have been there, I wasn’t. And she died. Sod it to hell.

Guys, I’m crying now, so I’ll get the heck off this thread before I do anything really stupid to my survival. All of you out there who still have mothers – cherish them. Adopted or biological – those who give you that real special unconditional love and pride are hard to come by along the rest of your road. Do me a big favour, people – give your mothers a hug, as soon as you can.

And not just on Mother’s Day, dammit!

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Ice Wolf

I couldn’t say that any better if I tried, so I won’t.

Honey, I am sending you love. I know it doesn’t help much, but I am sending it anyway.

Much Love and Hugs,

Scotti

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thanks one and all. My heartfelt sympathies to Scotticher,IceWolf, MsRobyn, xtn, and Cranky Thanks to ralf, antipro & iampunha for the sympathy and hugs. thanks too, to MsRobyn for the reminder to be grateful for my son.

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I hate the way we are all feeling, but it feels good to know I’m not alone.

I miss my grandma. She was the best mom I ever could have wished for. My one dream is that I can be as good a mom to my children as she was to me. She passed May 1985.

But I have it bad both ways. I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter back home who I have almost no contact with. Her father has custody. This was a case of he had the better lawyer and sprung a surprise attack on me. I love her with all my heart, and miss her every day.

But then we have two beautiful children down here who we can love and spoil all we want. They remind me day by day of the joy of being a mommy.

I’ll be praying for all of you.

Kai’leen

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A Group Hug to everyone on this thread (and Scotticher, you are a real SPECIAL person. Forget that not. Thanks.)

Remember When …

Remember when
your mother hugged and kissed
and scared the bad things away,
and told you tomorrow would always be
a better day.

And showed you how to climb
that high mountain
Even when you felt like giving up
and walking away.
Instead, from the top, you saw forever.

Remember how love really is
when it comes from the heart,
no strings attached.
All yours because you are you,
and your mother is so very proud of you.

To all who have had, and still do have, the wonder that is that maternal and grand-maternal love (I love you both, Mum and Grandma. I know you’re still with me, each step I take) – have a wonderful, peaceful and loving Mother’s Day.

[sub]Sorry 'bout the poem, people. Just felt like letting it fly out. Feel free to disregard. Cheers.[/sub]

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Ice Wolf, I have no idea why you couldn’t be there when your mom passed over, but because you made your mom feel special every day, she knew she was loved, and THAT is what she took with her, not your absence, which is what you feel so deeply. Hon, try concentrating on what she TOOK with her, I know that sounds much easier than it will be to do, but try, okay?

{{{{{{Robin}}}}}}}}} Children are such amazing gifts, that to have one snatched away so quickly, what can ever heal that wound? Except that I know where love exists, the person lives on, your child, because of your memory and love for them still, and YOU exist where your child is playing now, because of the love, I KNOW he/she had to feel from having been held by his mom.

{{{{{{{xtnjohnson}}}}}}}I’m sorry that we made you cry, it’s never easy to let loved ones go, is it? Even if they’ve suffered, we THINK we’re ready, and yet we still aren’t.

** iampunha, ** congratulations on being able to stand against the tide when you’re criticized for not doing what those around you TELL you repeatedly in commercials that you HAVE to do to ‘show your love’ to your mom. You honor your mom, by doing what SHE feels comfortable with, no matter how it happens to feel, or look to anyone else. Good for you.

** Kai’leen, ** I can’t imagine being without my two hooligans, and then having to watch them grow up from a distance. God Bless you, sweetie, and keep you strong, for the day when your daughter is old enough to seek you out on her own.

** Scotti, ** I have a particular abhorrence for anyone who says we must love a certain way, or grieve a certain way, because if THEY say it, then it must be true. NOPE. You are a wonderful individual, who will laugh, or be sad at individual funnies or tragedies in your own unique way. Avoid those who tell you to march to THEIR tune, it would deprive the rest of us of your own special melody, one that intrigues and entices most of us around these here parts!

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You are so absolutely wonderful, Anti Pro!

There are several people here who I am not sure how I ever managed to live without. You are one of them, Judy.

Much Love,

Scotti

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Anti Pro, I concur with Scotticher – you are a neat person.

Don’t nobody worry, 'kay? I’m a little more bluesy than usual ‘cause I’m got the sniffly, hoarse-voice glurg, an’ I feel miserable in general. Honking noise as Ice Wolf blows into a tissue

Have a happy day, everyone!

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:::::::Anti dusting off Ice Wolf’s head with a feather duster:::::::::: Yeah, I’m neat, but please don’t think I’m obsessive about it!

Take care of yourself, Icy, if you’ve got the epiflootis, drink lots of liquids and keep socks on your feet. NOT that any of that helps, but it keeps you busy going to the bathroom and your feet stay sweaty!

We need a blowing kisses from far away kind of smiley don’t we Scotti?? Just picture one, okay?