Movies only a Moron Would want to See

The BBQ Pit
#1

Robert De Nario as Fearless Leader

Jason Alexander as Boris

Rene Russo as Natasha

Special Effects as Bullwinkle and Rocky.
Yes. This is real.
I suppose it might come off in a Roger Rabbit sort of way, but why would anyone want to make or see or be in this project? On the face of it, it sounds terrible.
Speaking of terrible, isn’t it time someone drove a stake through George Lucas’ heart? STAR BORES part one, subplot fifteen, cliche eight is about to land on at a theater near you. WHO CARES?!?!
Hollywood is so void of ideas that every single tv show that once had a rating of at least 15 is now being made into a movie. The Mod Squad? The Wild Wild West? Get Christy Love?
And the Arnold is remaking Planet of the Apes???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

#2

Movies are no more mononic now than they were in the 80’s and 70’s.
The proof is Megaforce. Howard The Duck. All of the Bruce Lee “biography” movies.

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Hunter Thompson

#3

Slythe So…this makes you happy? As long as they keep making movies, who cares? What’s your point? That we should accept this and not expect better?

That’s a lame stance for a fellow who has Hunter S Thompson in his sign off.

#4

Just pointing out that 1. Movies are not any worse than they were before and 2. If you look for crap, you will find crap.

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Hunter Thompson

#5

That Bullwinkle movie is gonna suck. The crappy animation is what gave Bullwinkle it’s charm.

#6

There have always been crappy movies. Elvis made 33 of them. We need crappy movies. They provide an endless source of jokes. I still laugh when I recall John Wayne playing Genghis Kahn.

#7

No, you don’t have any right to “expect better.” Know why? Because it isn’t your fucking money that makes those movies (as long as you aren’t buying tickets) that’s why. Your tax money isn’t being used, the government isn’t funding these films–these are corporations using their own money in the hopes of making profits. If you own stock in one of the publicly-held ones, maybe you can complain. Otherwise, take your money and make your own movies, or spend on something for which you have more utility.

In any capitalist society, producers will produce for the market the products which bother the least amount of people, and use the least expensive sources of ideas available, often repeating features (in broadcating, they call this the ‘parsimony principle’). You don’t want any? Don’t buy any.

** Phil D. **
“Not only is the world queerer than we imagine,
it is queerer than we can imagine.”
–J.B.S. Haldane

#8

http://www.ohthehumanity.com/ -the worst movies ever made. Movies only a moron would like.

#9

No. Bad movies don’t make me happy. However, I don’t find their existence particularly distressing since:

a. I am not forced to watch them.

b. As previously stated, they can still provide amusement (e.g. “The Green Berets”).

c. There are more good movies available than I have time to watch.

Also, Its spelled De Niro, not De Nario.

#10

[[b. As previously stated, they can still provide amusement (e.g. “The Green Berets”).]]

"These are men, America’s best … "
A classic in manly bulldada, indeed. "Men who jump AND DIE … "

I think General Patton would have a problem with that job description.

#11

Actually, in the Green Berets, the sun sets in the east!
Without evil, how could good exist-without MANOS HAND OF FATE(the REAL worst movie of all time), how could FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX exist. It’s all a matter of what you want out of a particular movie, I guess.

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Hunter Thompson

#12

Among more recent movies, I thought “Starship Troopers” was pretty bad. The plot and dialog were suitable for a 4th grader but you wouldn’t want them exposed to the violence and nudity.

#13

You missed the whole point! Hint: remember Dr. Doogie’s uniform? Uh huh…

The movie was an exercise in propaganda. Replace ‘humans’ with ‘Nazis’ and ‘bugs’ with ‘Jews’. Also, note how every man in the movie is an example of the Übermann. How Michael Ironside is a fascist who justifies military dictatorship for the good of the people. How the main character finishes by embracing such ideas.

The brilliance of the film lays in the fact the public swallowed that and still rooted for the fascists. It goes to show you can wrap any idea, however fascist, into nice special effects, and people will agree with it.

#14

Guys, you’re missing the point.

Crappy movies are good!

Any fans of Ed Wood out there? He’s my personal hero!

#15

Well now, crappy movies are an entirely different subject. I think the world would be a poorer place without all those giant insect and Japanese Atomic Bomb Mutant movies. And I like most of the stuff I’ve seen touched by the low-budget cross dressing whiz kid Ed Wood. I would much rather watch Plan 9 from Outer Space and Bride of the Monster than anything remotely connected to Saturday Night Live.
But all that’s a different matter. I shudder to think of kids being exposed to Bullwinkle for the very first time in a live action adventure. No matter the cast, or how badly I spell their names. I fail to see how anyone could have thought a Bullwinkle movie was a good idea in the first place, but I’m easily confused. I suppose the Jetson’s aren’t far behind. And then Wacky Races and Super Chicken.
I’ll stay home and watch Raymond Burr act super serious in Godzilla. But maybe I should start working on that bomb shelter first.

#16

Speaking of crapfests, I recommend “The Mummy (1999)” to any fan of Ed Wood. the movie is craptacular, and nothing short of an Ed Wood movie with some snazzy one-liners thrown in and millions for special effects.

But, oh man, the story blows.

#17

Speaking of crapfests, I recommend “The Mummy (1999)” to any fan of Ed Wood. the movie is pure crap, and nothing short of an Ed Wood movie with some snazzy one-liners thrown in and millions for special effects.

But, oh man, the story blows.

Favourite Woodesque blunders (insides for those who saw the movie):

“Let’s say they get there by plane! Erm, but there’s only two places… That’s alright, we’ll put the other two on the wings!”

or,

“Alright, the bad guy is defeated. Oh, shit, we forgot to make the whole place crash down dramatically! Think of something, quickly!”

Also, the level of blatant plot placement devices is enough to groan (the book, the Egyptologist with an Egyptian mother…) Add to this the fact it steals from Army of Darkness, Indiana Jones and Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and you got yourself craptacular entertainment!

#18

Another troubling issue from “Mummy - 1999:”

When the Mummy took the eyeballs of the nearsighted American, why didn’t the Mummy need glasses?

#19

Another troubling issue from “Starship Troopers:”

The Troopers obviously come from a technologically advanced society. However, when the they get their ass kicked by the bugs, they have no artillery, armored vehicles, close air support, etc. I think a few hundred well designed thermonuclear devices would have brought a prompt end to the war, the movie, and the audience’s suffering.

#20

He did need them! Why else would he approach everyone menacingly instead of attacking, if it weren’t because he couldn’t see a damn thing? :slight_smile: