Don’t forget Bloodsport, where he was “Frank Dux - American” with no explanation whatsoever of how a good ol’ American boy was pouring on the Belgian accent.
I’ll add the ones that did. (You’re on a “strange planet” where not only have the apes evolved but they both speak and write your own dialect of American English— dude you’re on EARTH!)
I just now saw The Happening on a long plane ride. Warning: I’ll definitely not try to avoid spoiling anything because you should never ever waste 2 hours of your life on this. You’ll thank me later.
This is basically a movie about people committing suicide in gruesome ways for 2 hours because…well, because they can! Deathly Plague! We don’t know why! Freak HAPPENING!!! (People actually keep repeating the word “HAPPENING” throughout the movie, until you want to beat somebody who approved the script.)
Plus, while things are HAPPENING to other people, Marky Mark tries to solve his marriage problems, which he has, because his wife once went to dinner (!) with another guy. Soon, I was rooting for the plague to wipe out everybody so they would finally cease their endless prattling.
But it was when the main characters started trying to outrun the wind to escape the Deathly Plague of Unknown Purposes, I knew that this movie had been a bad choice.
You think they could have at least watched Scholastic Rock, Inc., … “I’m Just a Bill”.
The Core. There, I won the thread.
That would be Jet Pilot.
NO, The Core was a very smart film, with a dumb premise – but they knew the premise was dumb and didn’t care. Once you get past the fact that it’s science was ridiculous, it’s a pretty good adventure.
For ultimate dumb, there’s Alien.
Batman and Robin must have had that effect retroactively – I was stupid enough to pay money to see it in a theater.
The entire Michael Bay wing, but especially:
Armageddon- where do you even begin? I know— the idea of Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck and Steve Buscemi mining on a comet seems as good a place as any.
Pearl Harbor- already has its own thread, but such zingers as “Ben Affleck’s missing and presumed killed- no body’s been found, but his girl turns to his (hot and expressionless) best good friend for comfort… I wonder… do ya think there’s gonna be a love triangle?” and the “three hours and the attack lasts a few minutes” aspect.
Transformers- none of the tens of millions of Gen X/Gen Yers who are the ready made market for this movie really care about seeing them transform, let’s speed it up so you can’t really see the transformations. (And where’s Ben Affleck? He survived a comet and Yamamoto- you’re gonna tell me he’s afraid of robot cars?)
Yeah, the Got Milk? ads were pretty cute, but did he really need to be given a multibillion dollar motion picture development deal for coming up with it?
I’ll watch The Core and you watch Paradise and we’ll see who dies of cerebral hemorrhaging first. I think I’ll win. After I started this thread it occurred to me that the film had to be R-rated, way too much nudity to get a PG. So they either expected kids to sneak in or dirty old men as their target audience. Brilliant!
I agree with almost everything. I think Carell is over rated. I think Lauren Graham is a super cutie (if you’re reading this Lauren, feel free to email me!). And I think this is an amazingly stupid movie.
Naaaaw. I watched it the first time having no ida of what it was about, and when “that” scene happened, you know which one, I bursted off laughing like crazy for about five minutes. A truly wonderful WTF moment. Just for that I consider it a great guilty pleasure.
I vote for “Transformers”. It annoyed me in so many levels. The whole plot making no sense is one, but the “humor” based on several scenes where Bay just puts a fat guy or other in front of the camera, or how apparently the writers never saw Shia’s douchebaggy behaviour and misoginy as anything out of the ordinary.
Spoiler for a movie you don’t want to see
Victory
The entire premise is about staging a soccer game in a German POW camp during WWII as a backdrop for a massive escape plan. Then, when everything comes together so that the escape can be pulled off successfully,
THE ALLIED PRISONERS STICK AROUND SO THEY CAN FINISH THE SOCCER GAME!!!
puh-leeeze!
Dumb movies that caused me to lose IQ? The whole sequence in Phantom Menace where Anakin Skywalker hides in the fighter, accidentally flies to the space station and does what a squadron of trained pilots was unable to do, all backed up by “Oooo, what does this button do?” dialog – I think just watching that scene caused me to forget algebra.
The Day After Tomorrow.
To this day, I say bad words to the teevee whenever I see it on the channel guide.
I can’t imagine how any movie or combination of movies can be dumber than any, say, ten minutes of any one of Friedberg’s and Seltzer’s “movies”.
The mere existence of their oeuvre has canceled out the entirety of philosophical, mathematical, technological and scientific progress made by Homo sapiens.
Seconded. Fucking celebrations of mediocrity.
I actually kind of liked ** Armageddon ** and ** Independence day ** Ducks rotting tomatoes… Look, I know they weren’t good movies and my IQ does drop when I watch them and yet they entertain me when I’m extremely bored.
I have to agree with DrDeth The Core sucked really hard. No amount of boredom could make me watch that again.
Holy hell! I have been trying to remember that movie for a LONG time! The arm-breaking scene- “try to make it a clean break”- was admittedly the only thing I remember about it (I was 8 when it came out) but for some reason I couldn’t find it even though I knew Sly was in it…
And just for the record, I didn’t choose to watch this drivel. I was outvoted and forced to view this mind-numbing, IQ draining, unfunny mess of a movie.
I still haven’t recovered. Luckily, I’m a genuis, so the loss of IQ points only knocked me down to brilliant. It was a close call~ 
To take this in a radically different direction I offer you the Star Wars trilogy. Not the prequels, the original ones.
Think about it: doesn’t it seem that the more times someone has watched them the less mentally sound they are? There’s a direct correlation between the data and everyone knows correlation equals causation!