Moving to Australia - very sad

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

For a few years, my husband and I have planned to move to Australia, where he’s from. A couple months ago, we finalized the plans, bought the tickets, and set a date for September 17 - in time for my mother-in-law’s 70th birthday. We’ve been really excited and have had all sorts of fun daydreaming about where we’re going to settle, looking at properties online, and basically enjoying the fact that we have a whole new adventure in front of us.

Meanwhile, my father-in-law was diagnosed with prostate cancer. That wouldn’t change our plans, though. He was responding well to treatment; everything looked positive.

Last night, my MIL called. My FIL has now been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. If you know anything about that disease, it’s a relatively quick (probably a few months), very painful death. There’s a very good chance he won’t make it until September and all he wants is to see his grandson, our boy.

So, we’ll be out of here in about a month - the shortest time we can possibly get all the loose ends tied up - my son’s passport, selling our car, notice for my husband’s job, getting rid of all our stuff, etc. We’ll have to leave behind our beloved dog, because we won’t have time to do all the processing it would take to import her. (We’re leaving her with very good friends of ours who are the doggiest of dog people and absolutely love her, so she’ll be okay.)

This just sucks. Not only because, obviously & most importantly, my FIL’s illness and the fact that my husband is griefstricken. But also because what was going to be such a happy, new adventure is now so sorrowful. And I’ll miss my puppy.

So, I guess I’ll get to meet some of you Australian dopers at the next Dopefest Down Under. Wish us luck.

2

Make sure he gets good palliative care. There is no reason for anyone to suffer pain while dying from anything.

Get frequent ultrasounds and send them to him.

Tell him the child is a boy and you will name him after him. You don’t have to keep your word if you don’t want to, but maybe as a middle name.

Ask your FIL to write a letter to his grandson for when his is starting high school. He may have a couple of things to leave for him - a watch, some photos, memorabilia…who knows. Seal it all up and put it away. You can all have a good cry while doing it.

If he can carry a tune get him to sing a couple of songs that you or your husband liked as a kid, with the promise that you will play them every night to your child. Do this even if he can’t carry a tune.

Get photos of you, your husband and FIL and MIL somewhere nice. The ocean makes a nice backdrop. Perhaps a Doper photographer can help. Promise you’ll leave them in grandchild’s room.

Read paragraph one again. Change doctors really quickly if they fail you. So many people will dump a mechanic in a flash if their car doesn’t run well but will tolerate anything from an incompetent doctor because “he’s a doctor”. Get him the attention he deserves.

3

Those are some really good suggestions, don’t ask. Thanks.

Just to clarify, the main reason we are making the move so quickly is so that my FIL can meet his grandson. We have a nine month old whom he’s never seen. We want to make sure he’ll have the chance.

Thanks again for all those ideas.

4

While it will certainly be difficult in the short term (when is illness not), Australians are just some of the most likable people I’ve ever been around and the country is in many places simply magnificent. I’m sorry about the F-I-L and agree that don’t ask’s advice was excellent. Still, it’s going to be a great place to raise your sons. All the best, C3.

5

To paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, “Sudden unexpected changes in plans are dancing lessons from God…”

I have always found sudden changes in plans work out for the best. Maybe there is a reason for you to move up this trip that you are not even aware of yet - but regardless, I hope you still make a point of loving the adventure despite the sad nature and urgency of the move.

I also agree with making sure the doctor is the best…from personal experience, I can tell you it could save/prolong one’s life simply to get a second opinion!

So click those ruby heels and have a great life in OZ!

(Keep in touch and let us know how things are going!)

6

One of my greatest disappointments in life was finding out, at age 45, that one cannot immigrate into Australia beyond, ummm, age 45. (I have three generations of ancestors from there, and several distant cousins.) I guess I’ll have to start eyeing Canada instead.:slight_smile:

I’m sorry about the circumstances, but I hope that the positives start manifesting themselves quickly for you.

7

I am sorry that what should be such a thrilling experience for you and your family is turning into gloominess.

What you may not realize is that after you are settled there, your MIL will be overjoyed to have her son and grandson closer home. You, too, if you know what I mean. It will help with everything.

Couldn’t your husband fly down early with your son, once passports are done, and you take care of the lose ends?

8

And plenty of dopers to help, if you wish. You didn’t say which part of Australia, and as hubby is from here you probably have contacts anyway, but contact us if you need a hand.

:slight_smile:

9

Thanks, everyone.

We do have one point of good news. Our friends who were going to take our dog have said that they would instead finish up her processing for import (a huge job) and put her on the plane for us. So, we’ll be able to take her with us after all.

We spoke with my FIL last night. He gets a CAT scan this week so they can figure out how to proceed. We read the doctor’s initial report and it said the cancer is contained to one “cystic mass” and hasn’t spread anywhere. He’s a curmudgeonly sort of guy and I worry about depression and stuff. We’ll be there soon, though, to help out.

10

All the best with the move, C3. I hope you enjoy your life in Australia.

11

Sorry to hear that you received this bad news but at least you were indeed able to change your plans to get over there right away. The website http://www.pancreatica.org/ might be worth a look to get some info on treatment possibilities.
I certainly hope that the CAT scan shows that it hasn’t spread. Then he may in fact be much better off than the typical pancreatic cancer patient (it often goes undiagnosed until it is very advanced). Perhaps there is still a chance that surgery can cure the disease. I certainly hope that turns out to be the case. :slight_smile:

12

Have some hope for him. Ten years ago my grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They gave her three months to live. The doctors didn’t want to do any sort of therapy because of her age. She insisted on it and lived for 21 months, and was mostly pain-free for all the time until the last week of her life. She even recovered from a broken hip during that time.

She had a great attitude during that time. As long as she was healthy enough to take chemo, she said she wasn’t really sick. Hopefully your F-I-L will be able to enjoy what time he has left.

StG