Any way you could covertly find out if he’s attached before checking out company dating policies and the like? I had a few workplace crushes on men I later discovered were attached. Just because they’re not wearing a ring doesn’t mean they’re not engaged or just don’t wear their wedding band.
Also, I’m firmly in the “don’t date at work” camp. I know there are a few success stories, but I’ve been burned on that front a couple of times. I get to see my ex and the chick I was dumped for every day here at work. It f’n sucks. In my opinon it’s just not worth it. Period.
I met my husband at work and we’ve ended up working at 3 different companies together. We don’t do the same thing nor would we ever end up working for each other but we have pretty much the same network of contacts.
That said be very very careful. I’ve seen it go very wrong but the fact that you have such little interaction now would make it easier should anything go wrong.
Take it slow, make sure you know the company policy first and good luck
Agree. Crushes are fun, often just for their own sake (sometimes nothing can ruin one like actually spending time with your object of affection!). Unless either of you has a set exit date from this job, starting – and possibly ending – a relationship while you both work there isn’t a great idea. On the other hand, depending on the industry one of you may move on before you’re old and/or married – in which case there is no harm in taking that opportunity to make your move and go on a real date.
My wife and I met at working at the same company. She worked in the office 1,200 miles away from mine, which cut down on the casual suspicions. We kept our relationship a secret until we got engaged. She then quit her position and moved cross country to me.
It can work out. The added benefit of being in a relationship with someone at the same company, is that they get what it’s like where you work. They understand the particular culture issues that may be unique to your company.
I found out this week that there’s a chance that I may be transferred to one of our other offices (in the same city). If that comes through, it will be harder to chat with cute guy at the office, but it would mean that I wouldn’t see him much at all if things later went badly.
He came by to ask me a question yesterday. Unfortunately, I didn’t know the answer, but it was an “important” question, so I felt flattered that he thought I would know the answer. (That’s silly, right?) Actually, I think it might have just been an excuse to talk to me. I’m not sure, though.
Company romances can be bad if they go south. However, you’re not in too much direct contact. Just me, but I wouldn’t do it unless I really liked/was attracted to the person (eg more than just a rebound couple of fun dates)
Just as an alternative data point, Mrs Piper and I have been working at the same place for well over a decade. We’ve collaborated on files in court and in other projects. It’s worked out very well for us.
Sounds to me like there’s enough separation in workspace that dating is a fine option. Go slow, have fun, knock yourself out.
If it doesn’t work out, then just cowboy up and deal with it. This doesn’t strike me as the type of situation for which a level-headed person could not find a reasonable way to deal with things if the dating doesn’t work out.
So, ask him to help you get some paper off of the highest shelf of the supply closet, then jump his cute bones.
Ok, that’s bad advice, but my advice still stands.
At least once a year someone at my workplace starts dating a co worker. It usually* turns out badly/creepy. (Nurses esp psych nurses aren’t always the best exes.) Its even more rotten for the co workers who have to deal with both of them. I once had a co worker date my best friend and that was even creepier for me than the others, cause the fall-out affected two spheres of my life.
*I know two good ones. I’ve been a nurse for 10 years, seen at least a dozen work place relationships come and go. Anecdote is not data, YMMV, IANA relationship expert, yada yada yada.
Well, today I saw cute guy a couple of times and he was definitely showing a different side of himself than I’ve seen before. It seemed like he was trying to get my attention by saying something silly to me whenever he saw me going by his office. I guess that’s probably a good sign, but I was actually a bit embarrassed about it. I would like to keep this whole thing on the down-low, and I think people will notice him doing this because it seems unusual for him (someone probably already noticed it today!). I’m out of the office tomorrow, so I have a day to think about how to respond if he does this again. I don’t really want to ask him to lunch or something like that yet, because I haven’t even been able to determine if he’s unattached. I’m a bit confused at the moment. (I’ve had attached guys flirt with me at work before, so I don’t interpret flirting as necessarily a sign that he’s available.)
I checked out the office policy and there’s no policy against interoffice dating.
I don’t know yet whether I’ll be transferred to the other office.
I say you should ask him to go to lunch with you. Go some place public and low key - no sense in adding to the tension by choosing some dramatic high-end restaurant. Ask him about work, where he grew up and went to school. Talk about co-workers, bosses, assignments. Then, during the conversation, ask him if he’s attached or married or dating. Assuming he’s not an ax murderer, the worst that can happen is that you have a nice lunch and get to know a co-worker a bit better.
If the transfer comes through, and you don’t hit it off, things are fine - 2 ships in the night, and all that. If you do hit it off AND you get transferred, you’ll be in the same city still, right? Unless the city is the size of Metropolis, you should be able to get together still.
The only downside is that you may have to put your feelings out in the open a bit. It sounds like he’s trying to do this too. All in all, I think it’s worth the risk. Good luck!
