Maybe changing your name will cure your narcolepsy. 
I work with someone whose last name is Slutz, “rhymes” with boots.
Perhaps someone who speaks German can tell us what Hershiser as in Orel Hershiser means? 
I disagree; speaking as a Jew, I imagine people asking why I didn’t stop by the bar last night – prompting my reply of sorry, I was busy screwing Hitler up the ass.