Dear Fellow Beliver,
<A fellow believer in the Almighty Burrito? i thought i was the only one that worshipped His Deliciousness, Praise be to the Almighty Burrito and his only begotten Son, Salsa Verde!>
It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, knowing
the truth and the truth have set me free.Having known the
truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right
in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of
man for witness of God’s mercy and glory upon my life.
<oh…you’re one of those people, eh?, a Heathen who has never tasted the Almighty Burrito, i thought i had found a fellow worshipper of the Spicy One>
I have the pleasure to share my testimony with you
<Not Guilty, i hope…>
I am Bro. Chima Franklin, the Legal adviser to late Mr. and
Mrs. Andre Henson, a Swedish couple
<Hey Bro!, how’z it goin?>
<Ing gur sbeer gedum bidisky du, ye bur gederdy urp m BORK BORK BORK!..sorry, channeling the Swedish Chef there for a minute…>
that lived in my Country Nigeria for 20 years before they both died in the
plane crash late last year.
<God was their Co-Pilot, sadly, after the plane crashed they had to eat Him to survive>
These couples were good Christians, they so dedicated to God but they had no child till they died
<So, you’re telling me Mrs. Henson gave birth after her DEATH?, her child must’ve been a Zombie then, did it hunger for fresh BRAAAIIINNNS?>
may their souls rest in peace, Amen.
Throughout their stay in my country, they acquired a lot
of properties like lands, house properties, etc.
<and lambs…and sloths, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals…>
As their legal adviser, before their death, the husband
Mr. Andre Henson, instructed me to write his WILL
<but NOT his WON’T>
Because they had no child
<they built one from spare parts lying around the house>
they dedicated their wealth to God.
<And if you donate now, we’ll throw in a set of Holy Tupperware for almost no extra added cost, remember, make a contribution and you’ll get a better seat, the more money, the better the seat, credit cards accepted and convenient payment plans are available at almost no extra added cost>
According to the WILL, the properties have to be sold and
the money be given out to a ministry for the work of God.
<And according to the WON’T, nobody gets anything, the couple are being buried with all their material goods>
As their legal adviser, all the documents for the
properties were in my care. He gave me the authority to
sell the properties and give out the fund to the
Ministries for the work of God.
<do you have his phone number handy?, i keep getting his voicemail>
In short, I sold all the properties after their death,
<for pennies on the dollar>
as instructed by Mr.Andre Henson, before his death. And as
matter of fact, after I sold all their properties, I
realized $7,100,000.00 (Seven million One hundred Thousand
US dollars ).
<And it’s MINE!, ALL MINE!, BWAHAHAHA, how’s the old corpse ever going to stop me, he’s worm food now…>
Therefore the total amount will be invested
into God’s work as instructed by the original owner.
<God has an Owner?, does he still have his reciept?, what’s the warranty like on an Omniscient Deity, did he spring for the extended warranty, repairing a broken-down God ain’t cheap, it’s actually cheaper to buy a new one…>
But Instead of giving the fund out for the work of God as
instructed to me by the owner before his death. I
converted the fund to myself with the intention of
investing the fund abroad for my personal use. I was
afraid of putting the fund in the Bank,because I have to
give account to the bank on how I got the money.
<And it would put me on God’s “Bad little Girls” list and i wouldn’t get any presents at Christmas, besides, God’s the nastiest loanshark around, you don’t want to stiff Him, or He’ll put a price on your head so large you’ll never be able to come near a civilized system again…>
I then packaged the fund in consignments
<and a large amount of bubblewrap and styrofoam peanuts>
and deposited the consignments with a security company here in Nigeria.
<1-800-rent-a-cop>
I did not want the management of the Security Company to
know the content of the consignments, therefore I
registered the content of the consignments as Gold Bars.
<And gummibears>
Now, the security company believes that what I deposited
with them was Gold Bars.
<especially since i told them they were Gold Bars, how stupid could i be, i meant to say it was a shipment of gummibears, darn Freudian slip…>
I had encounter with Christ
<No, not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter, he was a real jerk, he drank all my beer and ate all my pizza and didn’t pay for his half of the bill>
when Pastor Benny Hinn was preaching on television
<And chasing scantily clad women around at high rates of speed…>
concerning Ananias and Saphira in
Acts 5:1-11. After hearing the word of God, I gave my life
to Christ and became a born again Christian. As a born
again Christian, I started reading my bible and one day,
the Lord opened my eyes to Ezekiel 33: 18 and 19 where the
word of God says: “When the righteous truth from his
righteousness, and committee iniquity, he shall even die
thereby. But if the wicked turn from his wickedness, and
do that which is lawful and right, he shall live thereby”.
From the scripture, I discovered that the only way I
could have peace in my life is to do what is lawful and right by
giving out the fund as instructed for the work of God by
the owner before his death.
I have asked God for forgiveness and I know that God have
forgiven me. But I have to do what is lawful and right in
the sight of God by giving out the fund to the chosen
ministry or individual, for the purpose of God’s woke as
instructed by the owner before his death.
After my fasting and prayers, I asked God to make his
choice and direct me to a honest Christian or the chosen
ministry that deserves this fund by his Grace. I then came
across your address on the Internet as I was browsing
through a Christian site, and as a matter of fact, it is
not only you or your ministry that I picked on the
Christian site initially, but after my fervent prayer over
it, then you were nominated to me through divine
revelation from God, so these are how I received such a
divine revelation from the Lord, how I got your contact
information, and I then decided to contact you for the
fund to be used wisely for things that will glorify the
name of God.
I have notified the Security Company where I deposited the
consignments that contained the fund, that I am moving the
consignment abroad and the security company has since been
waiting for my authority for the consignment to leave my
country for abroad.
So if you know that you will use this fund honestly and
wisely for things that will glorify God’s name, then do
contact me back. You should also forward to me your
telephone numbers for easy communication between us.
Your response will be highly appreciated.
Yours in Christ,
Bro. Chima Franklin.(Barr.)