Tonight, Pucky Schumer is caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse …
“Hey!”
“What?” BANG!
“Oh!” (Mitchell)
“Welp, you know what they say: You only rent Waters of Forgetfulness.” (one of the Herc movies.)
“Uh, could we get a table closer to the plot?” (Fire Maidens from Outer Space)
“Man… It’s like No_Exit with bad jokes!” (Attack of the (the) Eye Creatures)
“Douglas was pear-shaped, very short, and stood the whole way.” (Tom Servo, describing the space capsule in "Monster A-Go-Go.)
“It’s not the apocalypse, it’s the humidity.” (Warrior of the Lost World)
“Home Alone 3: The Quickening.” (Santa Claus)
“Forget about the skid marks!” (Giant Gila Monster)
And from Manos:
“Every frame of this movie looks like someone’s last known photograph.”
“He’s the clown who makes the dark side fun.”
“His only crime was being born delicious!”
“I remember one of the first things Harry drilled into me --” “–was Harry!” -Crow (as Hired! guy).
“Tonight: Manos gets caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse…”
“You know, there are certain flaws in this film.” -Tom Servo.
I just like “My spine!” which is in at least two of the shows… I don’t know why but I love it. I also say it a lot (in that voice) because it makes me so very funny.
(Office shot prominently featuring the actress whose character died in the previous scene)
CROW: Oh, it’s nice that they let the dead lady come back to work.
TOM: (as supervisor) Look alive, everyone! … sorry, Debbie.
(commander Calgon looks irritated)
TOM: (Calgon) ME, take me away!
(the Rick Springfield-looking guy falls to the floor dead)
MIKE: (dead guy) I just wish that I had Jesse’s giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl…
Jack Frost:
(Father Mushroom does, uh, mushroom stuff while invisible)
CROW: Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors!
(The ending)
MIKE: So, the moral of this story is that mildly unattractive people are evil.
Manos:
(Michael’s Wife looks in the mirror after being Torgo-pawed)
TOM: (singing) Torgo / I just met a fellow named Torgo…
(Michael tied to a tree, Master’s Wife approaches)
MIKE: She’s gonna pull a Jenny Fields on him!
Prince of Space:
(Prince of Space dodges like a little girl)
TOM: (Prince) Your weapons are powerless against me, but they scare the HELL out of me anyway!!
One clown is whomping on another’s butt while hanging from a bar in a weird 69-position.
Tom: “Oh, God, No! They’re doing it clown style!”
Short “The Chicken of Tomorrow”
Dozens of chicks are running around a grassy lawn. Sitting in the middle of them is a little girl with an odd expression on her face.
As Biff McHugelarge leaves Captain Santa on the bridge: “He is so gonna sleep with your daughter!”
The best, however, is the chase scene between what are obviously two floor waxers that the director borrowed from his brother’s warehouse supply store.
“When it comes to getting the chickens to market, speed is essential.”
<truck putters by>
Tom: I said, SPEED is ESSENTIAL!
Another great one we haven’t hit: Riding with death!
It’s a secret government project, but he’s still got time to stop for some flapjacks.
Trucker:No one’s ever made it faster than 35, what’s your speed?
Crow: About 120, is that a problem?
<The truck explodes, but much less spectacularly than the plot indicated previously.>
Crow: That was supposed to level a city? Well, maybe it would singe the sides of a b&b…