MST3K quote!

All right, so everyone’s having fun sticking MST3K quotes into any thread that even mentions the show, even if it’s a serious question. Fine. Here’s your big chance. What are the quotes that just kill you? Not just make you giggle a bit, but snort your beverage-of-choice out your nose, choke on your meal, and generally just make you laugh out loud? If you can, include the episode the quote is from, but if you don’t remember, who cares?

Some of mine:

<Mike, to credit for Construction Coordinator Rando Schmook> Hey, the Amazing Rando! <Servo> Watch Rando the Great construct sets with his very mind! (Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie)
The whole Rando thing killed me.

<Guy in Movie> Don’t worry about that copper chest. There’s no evil left after four centuries. <Mike> What if they Zip-Locked the evil? (805 - The Thing That Wouldn’t Die)

and of course, all of the names they had for the Dave Ryder character:

<Crow> Slab Bulkhead!
<Servo> Fridge Largemeat!
<Mike> Punt Speedchunk!
<Crow> Butch Deadlift!
<Crow> Bold Bigflank!
<Mike> Splint Chesthair!
<Mike> Flint Ironstag!
<Crow> Bolt Vanderhuge!
<Mike> Thick McRunfast!
<Mike> We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese!
<Crow> Buff Drinklots!
<Servo> Trunk Slamchest!
<Crow> Fist Rockbone!
<Mike> Stump Beefknob!
<Servo> Smash Lampjaw!
<Crow> Punch Rockgroin!
<Mike> Buck Plankchest!
<Crow> Stump Chunkman!
<Servo> Dirk Hardpec!
<Mike> Rip Steakface!
<Crow> Slate Slabrock!
<Servo> Crud Bonemeal!
<Mike> Brick Hardmeat!
<Crow> Whip Slabcheek!
<Servo> Punch Sideiron!
<Mike> Gristle McThornbody!
<Crow> Slake Fistcrunch!
<Mike> Buff Hardback!
<Servo> Bob Johnson!..oh, wait
<Servo> Blast Thickneck!
<Servo> Crunch Buttsteak!
<Mike> Slab Squatthrust!
<Mike> Rawhide…Rawhide!
<Servo> Lump Beefbroth!
<Crow> Touch Rustrod!
<Mike> Reef Blastbody!
<Mike> Big McLargehuge!
<Mike> Smoke Manmuscle!
<Servo> Beat Punchbeef!
<Mike> Hack Blowfist!
<Mike> Roll Fizzlebeef!
(820 - Space Mutiny)

C’mon, people! Get with the program! Or are all of you thinking:

<Caller> I enjoyed the movie but really hated the constant interruptions that were on there, it was like being in the theater with a bunch of rude junior high teenagers. I hope you dont continue the program, not in that fashion anyway. (Scrapbook Tape)

Also from Space Mutiny, as Col Kalgon shoots a man:

Servo: Kalgon, blow me away!

And almost every line from “Giant Spider Invasion” is a classic, particularly all the ones involving Alan Hale, Jr’s “sheriff” character:

Crowe: “Walking Tall 3–The High Cholesterol Years”

<Servo> The new ‘Alan Hale Action Figure’: He sits down, he snacks, he sits down again, he farts, he drives, he comes with his own lunch! <Mike> Action Alan Hale and Action Alan Hale’s Gut sold separately. (810 - Giant Spider Invasion)

In the opening to “Moon Zero Two” (the first episode I ever saw, late at night in my freshman college dorm room)…as the camera pans down to the lunar base

“Nice bar, no atmosphere”

I suppose I should have named this thread something catchier, like What’s your favorite MST3K quote?. With this title, it makes people think I’m just asking for the details on one quote.

<Mike & The Bots>PACKERS! (810-The Giant Spider Invasion)

<Tom Servo>Industry! Science and Technology! Big men putting screwdrivers into things! Turning them! And adjusting them! (MST3K: The Movie)

<Joel>Meanwhile, on an Adam-12 episode not far away… (512-Mitchell)

Little potatos!

… Little wingèd potatos!

Naughty kitty!
You must be punished!

“Earth Verses… by Walt Whitman.” (title screen of Earth vs. the Spider)

In Fire Maidens from Outer Space, when the captain has just wooed the space maiden and is standing on the patio looking cocky: “Is there anything I can’t conquer? Hot damn!”


I’ve only seen the movie :frowning:

Still: “Quick! Let’s escape under cover of mid afternoon in the largest car in the county!” must be up there!

The short Cheaters:

Two guys on the phone:
Guy 1) I guess you know why I’m calling. We had that student council meeting about you. We decided to elect a new student council representative.

Crow) You’ve made some powerful enemies, son.

The movie Pod People:

  1. Crow: Oh, this guy’s got Reinessance Fair written all over him.

  2. Tom Servo: I’m doing a one-man show: Leslie Neislen, Leslie Neilsen, Leslie Neilsen!

  3. Woman in studio, listening to band record: “He’s really good.”
    Obviously gay man in studio wearing an “I’m a Virgin” Tshirt: “Good? He’s the best!”

  4. Joel: He’s the caring and giving caregiver.

And, I find the song (both the movie version, and Joel’s) just side-splitting, and sing it often. Especially if I am near an unattended microphone.

Ah, the Flying Over Trout song. I love it.
More from that one:

Crow: “Get me, I’m Lionel Richie!”

Joel: “Horse poster, courtesy *Dynamite * Magazine.”

Catalina Caper: (Crow) “Lyrics by Aldous Huxley.”

Hellcats: (Servo) “Filmed in Zaprudervision.”

Gamera vs. Guiron: (Crow) “Oh, that one. He’s on the Mescaline.”

Viking Women and the Sea Serpent; (Crow) “Sorry about the hat. Corman’s dog died, and…you know how he hates to waste…”

The Day the Earth Froze: (Crow) “Aw, cripes…I remember when dat happened. It was like 20 below but wit da wind it felt like a hunnert below. I went outside an’ the stuff in my nose just froze right up…”

(Servo) “Grandma’s talkin’ to the bedding agian…”

The Girl in Lover’s Lane: (A couple of Joel classics) “We’re drifters, you?!?” and “Are we going to hustle these men, Big Stupid?”

Codename: Diamond Head: (Crow) “He’s got about…30 cents in his pocket…”

San Francisco International: (A couple of Mike Nelson classics) “Oh, he’s a Made-For-TV hippie…” and “The answer my friend, is blow it out your ass.”

Danger Death Ray: (Mike) “Special Effects by Billy.”

Sing the praises of pants!
Nothing better shows my taste, than what I wear below my waist!
They help me suck in my gut They always cover up my butt!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen! Consider the PANT! You know, the Pants Association urges you to wear your pants at least three times a day!

The great men of our time have all worn pants! Roosevelt! Churchill! DeGualle! Ghandi!–Well, almost all of them!

Dolphins! One of the smartest mammals on earth. Do they wear pants? NO! But they wish they did! That’s how smart they are!

What keeps our legs all warm and hot?
What prevents a buffalo shot?
What do they got that I ain’t got?

(And that’s why I keep looking at those other threads, ‘Lord of the Pants’ and ‘Pants - A Right or Priviledge’ and get confused.)

“This movie has more rock climbing than a rock climbing film!”

(Lost Continent)

<guy in movie> Well it’s the first time I’ve sat on a shovel.
<Mike> The flat part anyway…
(Jack Frost)

And just about every line said in the episode “Squirm”.

from “Terror at Party Beach:”

–One drunk, about-to-be-killed-by-monsters guy to another: Hey!

Crow: Do farts have lumps?

Also, all the gags about sodium directed at the screen to the characters who discover that sodium kills the monsters about midway through the film, and then conspicuously fail to use it.
And who could forget the poignant lyric of the song, “Sodium?”

Ah, MST3K. I’ll always regret not having taped you more faithfully.

I forget the movie’s name, but there was this part where a young guy walked into a room to find his girlfriend’s horribly burned grandmother.

Crow- “Hello, my name is Margaret Rawhide Chew.”
In Mitchell, when Mitchell is having dinner with the bad guy.

Joel- “I put a couple of rolls in my pocket, is that okay?”

I know there are others, but I can’t think of any of them right now. Come back to me.