All right, so everyone’s having fun sticking MST3K quotes into any thread that even mentions the show, even if it’s a serious question. Fine. Here’s your big chance. What are the quotes that just kill you? Not just make you giggle a bit, but snort your beverage-of-choice out your nose, choke on your meal, and generally just make you laugh out loud? If you can, include the episode the quote is from, but if you don’t remember, who cares?
Some of mine:
<Mike, to credit for Construction Coordinator Rando Schmook> Hey, the Amazing Rando! <Servo> Watch Rando the Great construct sets with his very mind! (Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie)
The whole Rando thing killed me.
<Guy in Movie> Don’t worry about that copper chest. There’s no evil left after four centuries. <Mike> What if they Zip-Locked the evil? (805 - The Thing That Wouldn’t Die)
and of course, all of the names they had for the Dave Ryder character:
C’mon, people! Get with the program! Or are all of you thinking:
<Caller> I enjoyed the movie but really hated the constant interruptions that were on there, it was like being in the theater with a bunch of rude junior high teenagers. I hope you dont continue the program, not in that fashion anyway. (Scrapbook Tape)
<Servo> The new ‘Alan Hale Action Figure’: He sits down, he snacks, he sits down again, he farts, he drives, he comes with his own lunch! <Mike> Action Alan Hale and Action Alan Hale’s Gut sold separately. (810 - Giant Spider Invasion)
Gamera vs. Guiron: (Crow) “Oh, that one. He’s on the Mescaline.”
Viking Women and the Sea Serpent; (Crow) “Sorry about the hat. Corman’s dog died, and…you know how he hates to waste…”
The Day the Earth Froze: (Crow) “Aw, cripes…I remember when dat happened. It was like 20 below but wit da wind it felt like a hunnert below. I went outside an’ the stuff in my nose just froze right up…”
(Servo) “Grandma’s talkin’ to the bedding agian…”
The Girl in Lover’s Lane: (A couple of Joel classics) “We’re drifters, you?!?” and “Are we going to hustle these men, Big Stupid?”
Codename: Diamond Head: (Crow) “He’s got about…30 cents in his pocket…”
San Francisco International: (A couple of Mike Nelson classics) “Oh, he’s a Made-For-TV hippie…” and “The answer my friend, is blow it out your ass.”
Danger Death Ray: (Mike) “Special Effects by Billy.”
–One drunk, about-to-be-killed-by-monsters guy to another: Hey!
Crow: Do farts have lumps?
Also, all the gags about sodium directed at the screen to the characters who discover that sodium kills the monsters about midway through the film, and then conspicuously fail to use it.
And who could forget the poignant lyric of the song, “Sodium?”
Ah, MST3K. I’ll always regret not having taped you more faithfully.