Multi-cultural couples in Thailand....

Great Debates
1

I know this is pretty specific question, but here goes.

My girlfriend, who’s Taiwanese, and I went to Thailand for three weeks recently while I took part in a seminar. We couldn’t get past the idea that people were staring at us everywhere we went. We’ve never experienced this before (in the US, Korea, Japan, or Taiwan) where it seems that whenever we walk anywhere, people were glaring at us.

We also couldn’t help but notice the number of older Western men with considerably younger (I’m assuming) Thai women walking on the streets, in our hotel, etc. Again, we’ve never seen this elsewhere. Sure, multi-cultural couples are fairly common here in Taiwan, but the two people are more or less always around the same age.

So, I have several questions:

  • Is there really a sort of discrimination or distaste for western-Thai couples or were we just imagining it? My girlfriend is quite tan for a Taiwanese person, so she was easily taken for a Thai.

  • Are these older western man-younger Thai woman couples as normal as they seemed to be? Are they arranged marriages? I feel bad asking that, because I kept telling myself that these people could be madly in love, married with children, etc. and I wouldn’t want to be prejudging them.

  • If there really is this sort of discrimination, does it ever cause legal problems? (difficulty getting married, violence against western men with Thai women, vice versa, etc…)

2

Heh, are you serious? :smiley:

In Thailand, postitution and sex tourism (the latter mostly but not exclusively by older Western men) is quite prevelant; if a western guy is out with a Thai-looking woman is often simply assumed to be renting her, very annoying if they are a real romantic couple. This is particularly true if the guy is older.

Most Thais I think accept this, but it annoys some (I stayed in a hotel in Bankok which had a sign up reading “no postitutes in the hotel”, and under it explaining that this was a family hotel and if you brought a prostitute back you would be asked to leave).

3

Thanks, Malthus. I totally meant to mention that in my post.

I’m well aware of Thailand’s reputation for sex related malfeasance (prostitution and pedophilia).

What I meant to ask was, in light of this reputation, was that what I was seeing?

The hotel at which we stayed at several “couples” of older men with quite young Thai women. They were there for several days, and we saw them together at all times of day. But, my girlfriend told me that she had heard of a sort of vacation escort, where a woman “accompanies” you throughout your trip, if I understood correctly.

I really feel bad for the real couples who live in Thailand and always face the stares we got for only three weeks.

I wanted to note, that I’m only 25 and my girlfriend’s four years older, but to most Asians I look like I’m in my mid-30s and my girlfriend, to everyone, looks to be in her early- to mid-20s. We think that’s partly why people were staring at us (older-younger issue).

4

Really. That’s it? Not even Siam Sam?

5

Yes, what Malthus said. My Thai wife and I are about the same age and did not hook up until we were both in our 30s. Plus she’s always had a rather professional look about her (and no, not THAT profession). So we never really experienced too many looks. Not much anyway; just a few. And now that we’re both well into middle age, there are no looks whatsoever. We look like what we are: an odler married couple.

But yes, that is a common phenomenon. Generally, young Thai girls with farang (Western) boyfriends will try to dress more conservatively in a bid to reduce the gossiping. But not always, and especially not with bargirls. Many of the couples you saw could be married, but they could also have been rent-a-wives. There are no “agencies” for that; just grab any bargirl who takes your fancy, and off she’ll go with you on a vacation. Very common.

BTW, gitfiddle: Weren’t you the one going down to Hua Hin? How did you like the town?

6

Thanks, Siam Sam.

And indeed, I was the one going to Hua Hin, but we opted out at the last minute to go to Koh Samet. It was a cozy and calm three days (there were few others there as we were there from Monday to Wednesday at the end of high season).

7

I don’t know how available it is outside of Thailand, but there is quite a good book written by Andrew Hicks, an acquaintance of mine, called Thai Girl, sort of on this theme. Andrew is a retired British lawyer who now lives in Surin province with his own younger Thai wife. The book is a fictional account of a young British tourist who hooks up with a beach masseuse on Koh Samet. There’s actually no sex in the book, believe it or not, but they get into a kind of dating relationship. It raises and explores the multicultural issue, although there is no age difference between the two. A good read, and Andrew is a super-nice guy. Google it and see what you come up with.

He just published a new book, non-fiction and autobiographical, entitled My Thai Girl and I, in which he details how he met and married his own Thai Girl. I’ve bought it, but have not read it yet.

Andrew keeps a blog here. He gets into the multicultural issue a bit here.

8

See below.

Stupid double post. :frowning:

9

Ah yes, and I see Andrew keeps a separate website for his *Thai Girl * novel here.

10

Thanks for the recs, Siam Sam. I’ll check 'em out…

One last thing, when you grab the bargirl that suits your fancy, do you pay her? Is it her profession, or does she just go along for the ride, letting you pay for everything?

11

Well, I haven’t grabbed a bargirl for many a moon. :smiley:

But yes, they will expect payment at the end in addition to going along for the ride and letting you pay for everything. The smarter ones will leave it up to the farang how much and not name a specific fee, knowing full well the farang will probably give her more than she would have asked for anyway.

12

Thanks, Siam Sam, for all of your help while I was in Thailand and, now, thereafter.

13

Maybe I´m just terminally oblivious but I´ve never felt a dirty look to me or my GF (fiancee by now). Probably because of many reasons; we are about the same age, I think it shows that we are in love not under contract, we are moderate in any public display of affection (No kissing for example, just holding hands and walking with an arm around the shoulders)
Come to think of it, the relevant thing may be the later, PDAs are frowned upon here, so if you give a sloppy smooch to your SO in the middle of the street you´ll get dirty looks from, mostly, middle to old age people. Same for too much hugging and cuddling and the like regardless if it´s a mixed couple or all Thai.

On the other hand it you go to places like Pattaya or Phuket (mostly, but it happens everywhere) you get to see things that would arise attention anywhere in the world. Personally I find it rather disgusting when I see some old fart strutting around some juvenile girl obviously on pay… I mean, it would be the same reaction as seeing some old, way past it´s prime, asian guy walking down any western city slobbering all over a ligthly clad, very young western girl; in fact, scratch out any ethnical references and it´s still all the same.

14

Fiancee? Well, congratulations, Ale, and welcome to the club. The last I heard, you were worried she seemed to be waffling a bit. Guess your fears turned out to be unfounded. Or maybe you launched a charm offensive. :smiley:

The most memorable incident for me personally was on our honeymoon in northern Thailand. We were walking down a street in Chiang Rai when we heard a motorcycle-taxi driver – or maybe it was a pedicab driver, not sure now – make a snide remark to his buddy about us as we passed. Probably a motorcycle-taxi driver, because this was a rather young guy, and pedicab drivers tend to be older. We ignored it, but the wife felt a little embarrassed. We quickly got over it, though. We were still in our mid-30s, and so she could have looked “the part,” even though it was clear there was no age difference, and she was dressed modestly. In fact, back then and today, even though I am only two years older than the wife, I tend to look younger then she does. That’s really the only memorable incident I can recall.

I have had friends who were bothered by this, though. Some of these friends had girlfriends with what could only be described as supermodel looks, and even though they I knew they were not “on the game,” they seemed to attract more stares. Maybe it was jealosy? If the relationship is solid, then the looks can be ignored.

I know a few guys, too, in May-December relationships with younger Thai girls who have clearly never been prostitutes. They’ve mostly been together for years and are quite comfortable in their relationship. Maybe it was for security originally in some cases, dunno, but the couples I know well seem to be genuine love matches. Actually, a couple of the girls *may * actually have been “on the game” at one point, just a sneaking suspicion on my part, but it would be too crass of me to ask. In the vast majority of cases, getting seriously involved with an ex-prostitute over here will lead to heartbreak and financial ruin, but there is the occasional relationship that does work out, so maybe the couple of ones I’m thinking of are those. On the other hand, when such a case does work out, the farang (Westerner) tends to crow ad nauseam about what great wives ex-hookers make and insist everyone should marry an ex-prostitute, evidence to the contrary, so maybe the couple of guys I know are not involved with ex-hookers. On the third hand, maybe the guys I know just aren’t jerks.

And as **Ale ** says, you do see some flagrant abuses of the rent-a-wife situation in tourist areas like Pattaya and Phuket, especially Pattaya. But anyone who thinks these guys are ALL losers are just plain wrong. The only people making these assertions are those with absolutely no experience with the bar scene here. The ones acting like total asses in public are probably in the minority. There are many successful men who for one reason or another choose to go this route, and they know how to keep it low key. I know of one airline pilot who whisked one girl off to his corner of farangland (the bastard broke up a set; she was one of a pair of identical twins in a popular live show at AngelWitch Bar in Nana Plaza :mad: ). And I could name a number of movie and sports stars that I have personal knowledge of indulging in over here, along with one rather famous national newscaster in the US. Take it from me, they’re not all losers taking these girls, and if you’re familiar with the scene and how it works, it quickly becomes clear what a ludicrous notion that is.

Also, I have known guys who took a little bar honey off to the beach or wherever with them, and they always laugh when telling me about running into older tourist couples in their hotel lobbies who give them the the evil eye, but then the husband will often discreetly give the thumbs-up sign to my friend when the wife’s not looking. :smiley:

15

OK, so i wander into a bar in Bangkok, and find a comely lass. i am an American executive, and make >$500K/year. The gal knows that by marrying me, she can beguaranteed a house, new car, and lots of clothes. seems like a deal to me!

16

Not to mention the divorce settlement or widow’s benefits! :smiley:

Your scenario is the Holy Grail that keeps them entering the business.