So, you meet and marry someone who you love deeply, but you are different faiths. Each of you is a strong believer in your faith. How do you raise your kids with respect to religious training? Do you teach them both faiths but “confirm” or whatever in one faith or the other? Baptism? Bar mitzvah? Do you stand back and let the kids decide for themselves? Just curious as to how it works within your immediate family as well as how the extended families take it/deal with it.
Anyone?
Wow. Is this a problem in your life currently? I don’t envy you if it is.
I haven’t seen your situation exactly. Most of the time, one partner is heavily religious and the other not so. So the one who’s strongest teaches the kids in their faith.
How could this work? Hinduism & Buddhism maybe. Both of these religions teach there are many paths to god and therefore might be able to match up with Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. But I can’t see how any of those three religions could live together. Mayhap Judaism and Christianity?
In all the cases I have seen, it’s discussed well before the wedding or it causes serious waves. I know parents who still won’t talk to their kids because the grandkids are being raised in the “wrong” faith.
And to provide a personal example, I’m atheist Hindu. Atheist, but I would NOT want my kids raised in any religion. I don’t mind if they learned the tenets & cultures of Hinduism or Buddhism (the childhood religions of both of us) but learn to worship a god? Never. So I can’t see how easy it would be for a strict, Muslim, say, to let their kids worship the Christian god. I don’t think it would work unless both people were *extremely * understanding.
Not my life. This is a friend and his wife. He says they attend a multi-faith church, and didn’t say much more. I’m just curious. He’s a Jew and she’s Catholic. I don’t see how they can both be committed to their individual faiths and raise the kids otherwise. I just thought someone might have some insight.
Hmmm, good question. In my case, the hubby is Catholic but not practicing. I am United Methodist and practicing. Our kids were baptised UMC and will probably go through confirmation, and they go to church with me while daddy watches a sporting event (any one, really).
I have a strong spiritual life that isn’t necessarily my religion, you know? Myfaith incorporates much of what I have learned from various religions that I have picked up on my travels. But I think you need a base to grow from. I want my kids exposed to the possibility of a higher power, then they can make their own decisions later. UMC seems like a mellow way to introduce them to the idea of God.
But are there two religions that are that understanding? Tough call.
Even if an individual was okay with mixing faiths, the tenets of the faiths themselves might prohibit it.
If they are attending an interfaith church then it seems a reasonable guess that neither of them is committed to the strictest form of their respective religions. They could raise the kids on whatever common ground they have.
I’m the product of such a marriage.
My father is Jewish, and my mother Roman Catholic.
My parents talked about it before they married, and in their cases it was a relatively easy decision: My father is non-practicing and agnostic, while my mother practices. Both felt it was important that my sister and I be raised in some church, and with my mother being the one to practice - it was her religion that we were raised in.
My mother’s parents had no problems with the arrangement AFAIK. They accepted my father as their son-in-law, perhaps even as a son. I know my father ended up being closer to them than he’d ever been to his own father, and I closer than he was to his mother, too.
My father’s mother was a different story. First, a word of background. You may not have met my grandmother in life, but you know her. She’s the Jewish grandmother of all the stories and jokes. Genuinely wanting the best for her family, but also very firm in what the best would be. And willing to use any kind of emotional judo to accomplish that.
To say that there were fireworks when my father announced his choice would be an understatement. Obviously, I wasn’t around, but judging by the winces, and the one comment my mother will allow herself to make, it was a donnybrook. My mother’s comment is simply: “Thank God for the Rabbi.” AIUI, my grandmother’s Rabbi, not just her preacher, but a lifelong friend and mentor, too, basically pointed out that my grandmother could either accept my father’s decision, or she could come back, hat in hand, when the grandchildren were born.
Even with that, when I was 20, my sister 16, and my parents had been married 21 years, my grandmother said to my father in front of my mother, with my sister and I in the next room in her little apartment, “Rosemary is such a nice girl, but are you sure you couldn’t have found a nice Jewish girl?” :eek:
So - my experience is that it can work, but it does open up more than a few cans of worms.
On preview, I don’t know how it would work with two people who are both committed to their respective religions. Very understanding would be part of it, yes, but…
And, of course, for marriage in the Catholic Church, with one of the members of the marriage not of the faith, still requires, AIUI, that the non-Catholic agree to have any children raised Catholic. Which can’t make things any easier.
That’s what I thought, but they both said they are fully committed to their respective religions. I really don’t see how its possible, but they swear its true.
Well, they must have their own interpretations of it, then. For a Catholic to be “fully committed” in the traditional sense, she would have had to be married by a priest in a Catholic ceremony, attend mass with some regularity, and take the Catholic Eucharist. She would also be expected to have the children baptised and to go through the process of schooling for first communion and confirmation. Now there are certainly people who leave out some of these items, but there is no way the church would consider her a committed Catholic.
There are many, many books on this, most of them specifically about Jewish/Christian interfaith families. Search for “interfaith family” on Amazon to see a few of them.
I’m in a situation a little like this, though I converted to Judaism before I married Mr. Neville, and I hadn’t felt any particular ties to Christianity for a long time before that.
My family took it a lot better than I thought they would. My mom is very committed to her Methodist church, and made us kids go to church with her every Sunday when we were living at home. I really wasn’t looking forward to telling her when I decided to convert to Judaism.
I think it made a difference that Mr Neville and I had been together for several years before we got married. It gave her some time to come to terms with the situation. My parents love Mr. Neville and my in-laws, and they respect our religious choices. They don’t understand some things, like the details of keeping kosher, but they’ve never been disrespectful or said anything deliberately hurtful like what OtakuLoki’s grandmother said.
My boyfriend is the product of a Catholic-Hindu marriage and I’m Hindu (he’s a quasi-practicing Catholic w/Hindu leanings). We’ve decided to raise the kids mostly Catholic with an understanding of Hinduism the same way he was raised-mainly b/c I feel with the language barrier with Sanskrit + excessive ritualism it would be difficult for them to form a real interest in religion (which is important to me).