Guinastasia thank you for starting this thread. I needed to read as much of it as I could focus on… I’m sorry my post is so long. I don’t know if it had to be to cover our hierarchies or if it’s because it was a cathartic experience for me to cope with my grief.
My first multiple cat household:
Butterball had been an only child for 10.5 yrs. One of my cow-orkers told me she was going to put down the kitten she had bought at a pet store the previous week because her other cat wasn’t taking to the new kitten.
I was appalled to say the least and told her to be me that kitten and I’d find a good home for her. I drove home with that little 2 month old kitten (I named her Kali) praying the entire way home that Butterball would let her live until I could find a home.
To my suppress and relief, not only did Butterball not take offense at me bringing the kitten into the apt, but he fell in love with her immediately. He doted on his little sister, played with her, protected her, etc. And Kali adored her new big brother too.
There was never any question as to the hierarchy. Kali never challenged Butterball’s position.
Second:
Just a few weeks after Butterball’s death, while Kali and I were still in morning, I heard kittens crying one evening while watching the 11 PM news. When the news was over, the crying was still going on so I went out searching my apt. complex to see what was wrong.
I found 4 kittens in a dumpster. I climbed in and fished them out. Three of them were healthy enough they might be able to find homes so I took them to the humane society the next morning. But Shelby was very sick. When they saw her, they said they would put her to sleep right away so I said that I’d take her home.
I didn’t take her straight home; we made a stop by a vet’s office. His advice was to not waste my money. I told him in no uncertain terms that wasn’t what I was asking him. I wanted to know what I should do to give her a chance. He told me, and off Shelby and I went to see if we could pull off the miracle.
Kali stayed under the bed for the next two weeks. She was so pissed!!!
Since the story is rather long, I’ll skip ahead to Shelby got strong and healthy, I had bonded with her (even though at the time I started out thinking I’d just try to give her a chance at life… I was still in to much pain over Butterball’s passing to consider adopting another child yet) so much so I couldn’t give her up. She had dug her way right into my heart and was my new daughter.
Once Kali came out from under the bed, she and Shelby became inseparable. Shelby never challenged Kali for the dominate position.
Third:
Shae was another sick stray kitten I took in. She was a very passive girl, pretty much her whole life. She never thought about trying to take over as dominate. Kali remained head of the house. Shelby died before Kali and it was just Kali and Shelby for 1 1/2 years. Even with that change, there was still no change in hierarchy.
Fourth:
When Kali passed on, it was six weeks to the day before Rico and I got married. I was still living in Utah and he was here in Los Angeles.
Because of my illness, he moved Shae and I down here 3 weeks before we got married so I’d have time to recover before the wedding so I’d be able to enjoy it. I protested at first because the idea of living with him before we were married went again my moral standards (that work for me… I want ya’ll to know I don’t judge anyone else on their choices for what works for them as long as no one is being hurt).
But Rico was right about my health and I knew that. I decided that God would know what was going on and it didn’t matter what others might think. The important part was to be able to have enough energy to enjoy our wedding day.
Needless to say it was a big transition for everyone…Rico, Shae, and me. Shae fell in love with Ric the day she met him…not something that was like her.
She was not a sociable cat who cared for strangers. She was a Mama’s girl… as she got to know other people she would stop avoiding them when they were around but she never warmed up to anyone but me until she met her future Daddy.
She SHOCKED the hell outta me (and Rico since I had told him what to expect from Kali and Shae when he met them) when she not only let him pet her the first time they met, but she let him brush her too.
If I’d had any doubt I was marrying the right man, passing the cat scan with both Kali AND Shae proved I had made the right decision. (Kali was the kinda girl who loved everyone she met)
Shae appeared to be lonely without Kali. Both Drs. who treated Kali had told me that when I could handle it, I should get a kitten for Shae. Then after the wedding was over and Shae was still clinging to me (clingy was not characteristic for her) once I recovered enough to be able to get out, the search for a feline companion for her began.
While I was visiting the humane societies in the Los Angeles area and talking with the people who worked there, everyone I spoke with agreed with what the 2 vets had told me. I don’t remember the vets telling me to get a male or female…I only remember them saying to get her a kitten to be a companion for her.
They did explain that a kitten would be better as another adult cat would most likely cause a battle for who would be the dominant cat…that a getting a kitten, the kitten would accept Shae as the “alpha”.
The humane society people I talked with, 3 of them told me that I should get a male kitten which would really make sure there would be not “alpha” issues.
12 days after we got married, I found a kitten that just felt like the right boy to fit in with our family. I brought him home and Rico named him Duffy. A name I never would have thought of, but I have to admit, it fits him perfectly!
As I have already said, 5 people who were professionals and/or experienced in cat behavior and needs had told me what Shae needed. We never thought to ask Shae what she needed! She was one pissed pussy!!! She didn’t want a little brother. She wanted to be an only child. But we had adopted him and he was staying.
Even though he was 2 months only and a little guy, from the very beginning he made it clear he wanted to be “alpha”.
Shae had always been submissive to her older siblings. We discovered while watching her interactions with Duffy that she had never learned to assert herself. Mommy had to teach her that she had “balls” and how to use them. At the same time, we were trying to teach Duffy not to dominate Shae.
We succeeded in teaching Shae to become assertive and defend herself. She wasn’t assertive every time Duffy dominated her, but it go to the point where it was clear she knew she could and it looked to us that she asserted herself when she wanted to and let it slide when she wanted.
One of Duffy’s nicknames is “The Dominator ™”. Anyway, he was took over as the alpha.
The house we rent, when the owner lived here, he could catch the strays that came into the yard and take them to the vet to have them fixed. Then he brought them home and would set food out for them. Part of our agreement to rent is to continue feeding the strays, which we happily do.
The owner had named 2 of them. We’ve since named all of them, but one of the ones he had named, Pearl, came in the house one day in the middle of this past December. She never went back out.
We’ve invited any of them to join our house cat family, but so far Pearl is the only one to take us up on our invitation. Shae and Pearl initially were comfortable being on the couch with me at the same time, but as we found out later, it was right after Pearl came in that Shae got sick.
When Shae started staying just in the bedroom, we thought she was protesting Pearl’s joining the family. But we were wrong. Pearl hasn’t been comfortable in the bedroom. We’ve only succeeded coaxing her in there 3 …maybe 4 times and she hasn’t stayed long any of those times. She walked in on her own once last week and looked around but wouldn’t stay.
Duffy wants to play with her, but Pearl doesn’t want to interact with him. Duffy hasn’t given up trying to get her to play with him… well, the past few days that Shae was so very sick, Duffy’s been so depressed and worried about her, he hasn’t approached Pearl that we’ve seen, but then again, I had spent the last 9 days in the bedroom around the clock attending to Shae.
Pearl is a people cat. She didn’t interact with the other cats that live in the yard and she didn’t interact with Shae and refuses to interact with Duffy.
I don’t know how to define this pecking order since she hasn’t connected with the other cats.
We aren’t able to think about it now… we all need time to grieve Shae’s passing yesterday, but Ric and I have discussed how Duffy’s personality is one that wouldn’t be happy as an only child. He loves to play and he loved to spend time with Shae, so when the time comes, we’ll start looking for a new addition to the family with a playful nature. Knowing Duffy, he’ll remain alpha or but up a damn good fight…
Our Cat Children’s Webpage We have more photos we plan to add, but jjust haven’t done it yet. So check back later if you want.
Although we suspect she MAY very well have been dominant, but we’ll never know.
It’s amusing to watch the two big fluffy toms cower from the tiny tailess girl who has made it her job to keep them in line.